Earlier this week, Mitt Romney went on a overseas trip, visiting England, Israel, and Poland. This travel was meant to help burnish Mitt Romney foreign policy credentials, as well as help him avoid the American media for a few days. And since Mitt Romney is not prone to acting in the spur of the moment, the agenda of the trip had been planned in advance and written out in his trip planner. Here are 10 of the reminders Mitt Romney had wrote in his travel planner before the trip.
1) In all counties: Try to find additional countries where I could hide my money from the taxes.
2) Once off the airplane: Don’t forget to unstrap the family horse from the top of the airplane before sending it to the Olympic dressage competition. And don’t forget to strap a human to the top of the horse.
3) In England: Find out if the Queen is planning to run for re-election anytime soon, and run a few hundred negative ads against her just to test the waters. If all goes well, form a “Great Mitten For Great Britain” SuperPAC.
4) In England: Remember to criticize the organizers of London Olympics for less than stellar event planning. When I ran the Olympics 10 years ago, the Olympics were perfect, but these incompetent dimwits had not even bothered to prepare any snow!
5) In Israel: Remember to criticize the organizers of Jesus’ crucifixion. This could have been done faster, cheaper, and more efficiently.
6) In Israel: While pretending to be inserting a prayer note into a crack of the Western Wall, try to hide into these cracks as many of my tax returns as possible.
7) In Israel: Promise Israelis that my administration will move the American Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. (Research whether moving it to Taiwan or China would be more cost-effective.)
8) In Poland: buy new nail Polish for Ann, since she was not happy with her nail Vietnamese.
9) In Poland: Pay respects at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier by having press secretary yell “Kiss my ass!” and “Shove it!” to reporters.
10) In Poland: Buy a house from which I could see Russia.
n all countries: Avoid gaffes or generally saying any stupid or out-of-touch things.