10 Reasons Why Mitt Romney Picked Paul Ryan As His Vice-Presidential Running Mate

Proposed bumper sticker for the Romney/Ryan campaign, intended to double the strength of the Romney campaign message.

Last week, Mitt Romney selected Paul Ryan as his running mate on his election ticket. Given Mitt Romney’s tendency to backtrack and change his mind, I have, of course, given him some time to rethink his choice. But since after a week it has became clear that Mitt Romney is not flip-flopping on that particular issue (yet), here are 10 reasons why Mitt Romney had chosen Paul Ryan as his running mate.

1)  Since Mitt Romney’s business experience is starting to become more of a problem than a blessing, Romney wanted a VP candidate without any business experience.

2)  Paul Ryan’s tax plan, combined with Mitt Romney’s own tax plan, could cut Mitt Romney’s tax rate to below zero.

3)  With Mitt Romney’s tendency to control everything, he wanted his presidential ticket to be in neat alphabetical order.

4)  He wanted to pick a VP who would be able to energize the Republican party base more effectively than Mitt Romney himself. However, that only narrowed the field of potential VP candidates to everyone in Republican Party except for Mitt himself.

5)  Because of the sheer genius of Paul Ryan’s Medicare plan, which would give the seniors less money than they would need to pay for healthcare so that they die faster, thus lowering federal spending on both Medicare AND Social Security!

6)  Since Willard Mitt Romney has no conventional first name, he had decided to choose a guy with two such names to balance the ticket.

7)  Mitt Romney understands the importance of women as a crucial voter demographic, and wanted to attract women’s vote by picking a running mate who looks good without a shirt on.

8) Mitt Romney did not select the Ohio Senator Bob Portman, as many experts have predicted, because he did not want to have to answer questions whether he could get Natalie Portman’s autographs.  The choice had still seemed tempting for a while, though, since Mitt Romney would rather get Natalie Portman’s autographs than his tax returns.

9)  Dick Cheney was taken out of consideration, since now that he has a new heart, he could go soft on some of Mitt’s economic policies, assuming Mitt Romney ever comes up with any.

10)  And finally, a quick rundown on few others whose names came up in discussion of potential running mates: Not Marco Rubio: Mitt Romney already has a gardener with that name. Not Tim Pawlenty: he’s the only one in the party who is less exciting than Mitt Romney. And Not Sara Palin. Oh God… NOT Sara Palin!

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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12 Responses to 10 Reasons Why Mitt Romney Picked Paul Ryan As His Vice-Presidential Running Mate

  1. Pingback: US election: Mitt Romney may have breached ethics laws through company linked to Paul Ryan’s brother – Telegraph « The Jeenyus Corner

  2. It was also nice that – since neither of them have any military experience – Romney introduced Ryan in front of the biggest warship he could fin. It’s kind of like they’re real soldiers!


  3. Laura says:

    Saw this on Facebook this morning, and I’m pretty sure it’s the real reason: “Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan” is an anagram for “My ultimate Ayn Rand Porn.”


  4. Matthew says:

    I had been wondering about this. Romney couldn’t have picked Ryan because they’re both out there trying to promote Koch-approved vulture capitalism. Romney couldn’t have picked Ryan because he’s politically tone-deaf. I was struggling to come up with a single reason for the pick, and you came up with ten!


  5. lowerarchy says:

    Sorry, I was bored after reading the first few 🙂


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