10 Other Horrible Things That Will Happen If Barack Obama Is Re-Elected

3759: Mayan Calendar

According to Fox News, if Barack Obama is re-elected, the end of the world which was predicted by Mayans to take place on December 21, 2012, will actually happen on the Inauguration Date January 20, 2013.  Still, it’s pretty impressive of Mayan that centuries ago they were able to foresee the day of the 2013 inauguration with less than a month error.

Earlier this week, county Judge Tom Head, of Lubbock county, Texas, gave an interview where he described the doomsday scenario that would befall the country if Barack Obama is re-elected.  According to Judge Head, Barack Obama will hand over the sovereignty of the country to the United Nations, causing a civil war in the US followed by an invasion by the UN forces.  However, to reassure the Americans, Judge Head had promised to repel the UN invasion of the homeland by personally stepping in front of UN’s armored personnel carriers.  Even though Judge Head had later clarified that he was talking about a worst-case scenarios, he had been branded a lunatic, just because the idea of a civil war/UN invasion seems so unrealistic.  However, this does not mean that we will be in the clear: here are 10 other scary consequences that could more realistically follow Barack Obama’s successful reelection.

1)  Judge Head and many of his supporters will suspect any armored personnel carrier or tank on a road to be a part of a covert UN invasion, and will begin jumping in front of every APC or tank they see.  As the number of such incidents involving US military vehicles will rise, the US military will be forced to equip each American tank or carrier by a set of outside airbags to avoid killing these brave patriots by accident.  Burdened by these airbags which limit the tanks’ visibility and maneuverability, American fighting vehicles will no longer pose a threat to the ground forces of other countries, and America will lose its status as the top military power.

2)  Rush Limbaugh will be so infuriated by the election outcome, and will spit so much into his microphone, that his excess saliva will short the electric circuit in his radio headquarters in Florida, causing large parts of Florida, Georgia, Mississippi, Alabama and Louisiana to lose electricity for weeks.

3)  Every gun and every box of ammunition will be immediately swept off the shelf in every American gun shop by the gun owners worried that Obama will take away their guns.  The resulting severe weapon and ammo shortages will nearly cut off the gun trafficking into Mexico.  Left without sufficient firepower, Mexican narco-cartels will no longer have the muscle to fight both the Mexican army and each other.  To survive, the cartels will have no choice but to join their forces into one mega-narco-cartel that will easily take control of the entire country.

4)  Millions of angry Tea Partiers will buy tons of reams of paper and thousands of boxes of markers to make millions of protest signs.  Shortages of paper supplies will immediately  paralyze such crucial and paper-intensive industries such as law firms, newspapers, and junk mail distribution.  Paper prices will rise, sending the Staples stock price through the roof, and Mitt Romney will take a lot of credit for that, too.

5)  Speaking of Mitt Romney… He will have to continue paying the sky-high %14 rate on his taxes, and because he can’t afford paying so much in taxes, and was unable to land a job at the White House, he will file for unemployment benefits.  Government subsidies to Mitt, his wife, their five sons, and their dressage horse, necessary to support their prior standard of living, will explode the federal deficit.

6)  Alabama, Lousiana, and Mississippi will decide to secede from the Union in dissent.  However, without any paper to write a letter on, and without the electricity to make a phone call or send an e-mail, they will not be able to notify the White House of their secession.  They will be forced to remain in the USA and will continue to drag the country down with them.

7)  Obamacare will not be repealed.  American population, unable to avoid the mandatory  health insurance, will become healthier and live longer.  The increase longevity of Americans will deplete the Social Security fund decades earlier than anyone had expected.  The Social Security benefits will have to be drastically reduced, and millions of healthy American seniors will die of starvation.

8)  Hundreds of thousands of conservatives will move to Canada in protest.  They will resume their holy war against abortion, gays, and government regulations on the Canadian soil, causing millions of distressed Canadians to seek shelter in the USA shortly thereafter.  This enormous southward migration will cause overpopulation in the US while many Canadian towns and cities will become abandoned.

9)  Billions of furious and elated posts on Facebook and Twitter will overload the servers of these companies, and these services will come offline for days for maintenance.  Without these social networks, democratic opposition forces in Syria, Russia, and China will not be able to organize any actions against the tyrants and dictators, and arrival of real democracy to those countries will be set back by at least 20 years.

10)  As a result of the server shutdown, Facebook share price will drop to nearly zero, and in a desperate effort to raise some quick revenue, Facebook will sell all your private photos to the highest bidder.

Don’t forget to predict your own worst-case scenario.  Because Obama is currently leading in the polls, we need to be prepared for the worst.

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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28 Responses to 10 Other Horrible Things That Will Happen If Barack Obama Is Re-Elected

  1. speaker7 says:

    I fear if Obama is reelected, my vagina won’t get the protection from myself that it needs. I’ll be slutting it up with my access to affordable health care and family planning options. If my Republican leaders aren’t up my hoo-hah then the terrorists will have won.


    • List of X says:

      Oh God, that would be horrible! We must get Todd Akin to help you immediately! He’s currently the top-ranked vagina defender in the country, and if anyone could protect your nether regions from you, it would be him!


  2. stephenpruis says:

    You forgot that if Obama wins, Planned Parenthood will run amuck, with so many Americans being aborted that the population will drop precipitously accelerating the decline of social welfare programs (medicare, SS) due to a lack of drones paying into them. Kind of a Karmageddon!


    • List of X says:

      Yes, forgot about that Planned Parenthood threat. But then Obama is sure to open the southern border to millions of illegal immigrants, so that increased immigration should more than balance the evil Planned Parenthood depopulation tactics. However, we all have to learn Spanish.


  3. stephenpruis says:

    Seriously, all of these people’s irrational fears of Obama is re-elected don’t answer why those things didn’t happen in his first term. It is kind of “I just reloaded my gun but I have to reload again to defend myself logic.” (There, I think they can understand that one.)


    • List of X says:

      Yes, I’ve noticed that, too. “Obama is Anti-Christ, but he has to seem nice so that he could get re-elected and then destroy everything during the second term”. It makes no sense, but I think it’s kind of pointless to seek logic in the irrational fears…


      • Laura says:

        I think the logic may be that any competent evil overlord would have carried out his nefarious plans in his first term, but Obama hasn’t because he’s, you know, lazy and shiftless.


        • List of X says:

          I think the Tea Party seems to be afraid more of Obama’s second term than his first, because they never doubt the “evil overlord” part. And, as everybody knows, an average plain vanilla evil overlord would try to wreak havoc at the earliest opportunity, while a truly vicious evil overlord would wait until the last possible minute when everything finally seems to be going well.


  4. andrewteach says:

    As the conservatives and Fox news tries to come to Canada we are going to shut our border and watch them aimlessly walk into the sea. We like it up here and you can keep the refuse. I say pick a state an let them all go there. It will be like “Lord of the Flys” .


    • List of X says:

      First of all, good look trying to close the border. These people don’t take it well when the government tries to tell them what they can or or cannot do, and especially if it’s a foreign government, and particularly Canadian government. And second, I don’t think the conservatives could be concentrated in just one state that well. For some reasons, the sparsely populated areas tend to vote Republican, and densely populated tend to go the Democrats, and that’s the case in both blue and red states. Not sure if it’s fresh air that makes you a conservative, or having to coexist with others tuns you into liberal.


  5. Sherry says:

    that’s the worst? lol…We can handle it. Trust me. It’s so better than the alternative


  6. Ape No. 1 says:

    What!? No more guns? Dem fightin’ words.


  7. Remember 08 when he was elected and people were cleaning out the gun stores? Stocking up, preparing for government squads to come to their houses and take their guns? Then he turns out to be the the worst president at gun regulation ever.


    • List of X says:

      With the number of guns sold in the last few years, he’s probably the best president in the eyes of the gun industry, and he has the potential to get even better in the 2nd term. I would not be surprised if gun manufactures are quietly finding his superPACs.


  8. Obama and Muslim Brotherhood

    These are the people Obama and the State dept., wants you to embrace. New FJP leader in Egypt calls for Sharia law By JPOST.COM STAFF Saad al-Katatni elected head of Muslim Brotherhood’s Sharia law…

    An another anti Semite action President Obama appoints another Islamic terrorist supporter.
    President Barack Obama has appointed the Muslim Public Affairs Council Director (Salam Al Marayati), who claimed Israel did the 9/11 terrorist attacks,and not the groups that he supports to represent the United States at a human rights conference in Warsaw.
    Al Marayati…See More — with Tzvi Fishman, Allan Richter, Yamile Love and 44 others.

    9/7/12 Obama has the America Military doing a Military exercise with the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt, Israel enemy. So whose side is he on?

    Muslim Brotherhood has infiltrated the US government.

    FBI, Justice Department and Homeland Security purged of all Agents that believe the “Muslim Brotherhood” to be dangerous.

    Muslim Brotherhood White House Staff:
    Rashad Hussain, Huma Abedin, Daliah Mogahed, Kifa Mustapha, Momamed Elibiary, and Mohamed Magid.

    See Part 8: Team Obama & the Islamists | The Muslim Brotherhood in America

    http://muslimbrotherhoodinamerica.com/pa (this goes to lecture 9, so go back to 8)

    Part 8: Team Obama & the Islamists The Obama administration has greatly exacerbated the penetration of the U.S. government achieved during the George W. Bush administration. This part of the course will concentrate on illustrative examples of Muslim Brotherhood-associated individuals who have bee…
    Contact your representative in congress and demand an investigation and Vote!

    Frank Gaffney is the Founder and President of the Center for Security Policy in Washington, D.C.


  9. While I am here can you help with this?

    Help protect the Galilee: a nonviolent means for solving this problem:
    Israel Ranches are being attacked, their land being stolen and their passive European cattle are being mutilated and killed by local Palestinians, jackals and wolves. Israel needs desert cattle that fits its environment and can defend it’s self and it’s calves. That breed of cattle is Texas Longhorn. The will be self-sustainable in 5 years. So will help Israel and we will help East Africa as well. Help us raise $240,000, to start. A 501c 3 nonprofit # 74-3177354.

    This is some of the ranches under attack

    Thank you

    Robin Rosenblatt
    Israel Longhorn Project
    815 Hill St Apt 5
    Belmont, Ca 94002
    Email is not working can not send


  10. Nativegrl77 says:

    thanks for stopping by … very clever!! & obviously insane Republican members of Congress making $$ off Americans


    • List of X says:

      Thank you! I think it would be more accurate to distinguish between the insane member and those who are sane but making $$ off the insanity Republican members of Congress. Though GOP has plenty of both, to be sure.


  11. Wow how did you foresee this so clearly here in Canada we are already seeing republicans coming north to escape gun control, government funded healthcare gays marrying, abortion and the downsizing of the military. Shows what they know about the world beyond but your prediction has been avoided because as soon as it is explained to them they turn and run home confused. Just the same I am headed south to the desert as I text


    • List of X says:

      Well, where else can Republicans go? The only countries that would be conservative enough for their taste are located mostly in the Middle East, but incidentally these countries happen to be least favorite countries among Republicans. However, they always think of Canada as a 51st state that doesn’t have to obey the US federal law.


  12. Anonymous says:

    May i say for the Obozo followers , get a life and if you don’t understand american english . F%$k off traitors. You can have this floppy eared socialist MF’er ok. He did win re election with fraud and no one to stop his punk ass, But now as people who voted for this pig are now seeing he is trying to force us into socialism and will do it if we dont get him out of our country. I am for america and the most the idiots here are probly gay people , So idiots go suck your floppy eared faggot idiot and kiss his socialist ass good bye , f^^ken traitors asswipes


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