10 Reactions To North Korean Nuclear Threats

Kim Jong-Un clapping

Kim Jong-Un engaged in a military exercise which is testing how he would squish America like a mosquito. (Photo credit: petersnoopy)

Last week, North Korea has responded to a new round of UN sanctions by threatening to undertake another nuclear test and launch a few missiles, and made clear that the aim of the these tests is to scare North Korea’s sworn enemy, the United States.  Here are 10 reactions to the North Korean threats.

1)  Dr. Phil, TV psychologist:  I am not surprised by the North Korea’s threats.   As you know, the North Korean leader Kim Jong-un recently got married, and many men occasionally feel the urge to wreak total nuclear annihilation when their marriage hits a rough patch.

2)  North Korean Army:  Due to our supreme scientific advancements in rocketry, we now have the capacity to deliver a 1,000-pound nuclear warhead to any point in the continental United States!  Please be advised that there will be a $5 delivery charge and we won’t deliver after 10pm.

3)  Obama administration:  Thank God… We thought we’d have to talk about nothing but Benghazi until 2017.

4)  Fox News: Coming up next: a exclusive report on Kim Jong-un’s role in the Benghazi scandal cover-up!!

5)  American Apocalyptic Research Institute:  According to the ancient North Korean calendar, the world is supposed to end on February 13, 2013.  We know we had let you down last year with the faulty prediction we made from the ancient Mayan calendar, but we’ve got a really good feeling about our prediction this time.

6)  National Rifle Association:  This situation is yet another demonstration of the failure of the tyrannical gun control tendencies of Obama administration, which is always infringing on the constitutional rights of the law-abiding citizens to buy and own nuclear weapons.  It should be absolutely clear by now that the only thing that can stop a malevolent maniac with a nuclear missile is a benevolent maniac with a nuclear missile. Also, every school in the country should be equipped with a nuclear missile launch site.

7)  Hu Jintao, President of China:  American citizens shouldn’t be needlessly concerned and need not engage in unnecessary chaos.  North Korea is not planning to declare a war on the United States.  Instead, our neighbor only intends to run a simple weapons test, and the purpose of the test will be to find out what happens if you launch nuclear missile into the US.

8)  United Nations:  We strongly condemn North Korea for their actions that had distracted our organization from our primary mission – condemning Israel!

9)  Reince Preibus, Republican Party chairman:  As you may be aware, the Republican party has began concentrate its efforts on reallocation of the electoral districts, so we are looking forward to this new development. A North Korean nuclear strike will likely re-district the entire West Coast in our favor and will help GOP win the midterm 2014 elections.

10)  CNN:  Have you seen the new hairstyle of North Korea’s First Lady?  Her bangs are amazing!  Don’t you just love them?

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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32 Responses to 10 Reactions To North Korean Nuclear Threats

  1. Ankur Mithal says:

    Reaction from South Korea: Say something Barack!

    Like

  2. lexsborgia says:

    You started well by pointing out that NK ‘responded’ to a new round of threats, which is basically what they do(respond to threats)…. because the United States never stops threatening or punishing anyone who doesn’t dance to its tune. How bout making a list of the ten tunes that the USA wants its future victims to dance to (dance teacher provided free of charge!)?

    Like

  3. josefkul says:

    I think everyone should just learn Tae Kwon Do. It would make us more culturally sensitive to the North Korean population and I hear they have a secret kick that can dismantle a nuke.

    Like

  4. stephenpruis says:

    #3,4, and 10 are expecially funny! Keep up the good work!

    Like

  5. The Hook says:

    I wish I wasn’t laughing so hard right now.. I really want to compliment you on a kick-ass post!

    Like

  6. twindaddy says:

    Number 10 is, sadly, the most realistic reaction. I hate the media.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Yes, I hate the media too. But don’t you just love the haircuts of the anchors?

      Like

      • bernasvibe says:

        **I’ve got to piggy-back on both of you about the media..I do believe though there is a reason for their madness..Can’t pay me to watch certain news stations. Matter of fact I read most of my news these days.

        Like

        • List of X says:

          There is absolutely a reason to their madness: they show whatever sells. And I also get all my news online. My TV isn’t even connected to cable yet, mostly because I’m spending too much time online to bother connecting it 🙂

          Like

          • bernasvibe says:

            Yes! You get it; as I knew you would. IF cable companies had to depend on me for their profit…they’d be broke. I think the infamous “they” got it right when they nicknamed the T.V. the BOOB tube..Often when I refer to T.V. that is what I call it..And not just these days; when my sons were little I felt that way..Myself and my co-parent(my now exhusband) censored and limited the amount of time we allowed our sons to watch it. Weren’t alot of shows were value on it then; and even LESS now. Or least that I wanted our sons to intake..Later I discovered(when my son entered the world of academia) that many acadmians either do NOT own a T.V. or hardly ever turn it on. I find online I can pick and choose what I wish to “intake”..

            Like

  7. Sherry says:

    I see him as an utterly tiny little dick from a long lineage of tiny little dicks.

    Like

  8. Harry Reid: “I’ll let you know my reaction, after I discuss it with Mitch.”

    Like

    • List of X says:

      I was hoping more along the lines of “Mitch, remember I promised you the nuclear option on the Senate rules? Well, duck and cover, you sonomamitch!”
      But unfortunately, your version was more accurate.

      Like

  9. Lara Klein says:

    thank you for giving the latest update.

    Like

  10. This is disturbing news. I’m beside myself with outrage.

    Bangs are all wrong on her. What was she thinking?!

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  11. 11). Blogger 1 point perspective: North Korea said what?! I gotta start watching the news, this one almost got past me.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      You have a really good excuse – WordPress nuked your blog right around the time when North Koreans were making their threats. So obviously, their less direct and more distant threats wouldn’t deserve as much attention from you.

      Like

  12. Michael Sadowski says:

    I like number 6….what we all need…a Good Guy with a nuke to counter the sickos who bring their nukes to elementary school.

    Like

  13. In December 2002, the United States persuaded the KEDO Board to suspend fuel oil shipments, which led to the end of the Agreed Framework. North Korea responded by announcing plans to reactivate a dormant nuclear fuel processing program and power plant north of Pyongyang. North Korea soon thereafter expelled United Nations inspectors and withdrew from the Non-Proliferation Treaty.

    Like

  14. John Liming says:

    Reblogged this on American Liberal Times and commented:
    The “List Of X” blog is so unique and so entertaining – – not to mention always on target, so I am pleased to share “10 Reactions To North Korean Nuclear Threats” because is is one of my favorites. If you haven’t visited “List of X” yet, I heartily recommend that you spend a little time there! (John Liming, American Liberal Times Blog).

    Like

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