Last week, North Korea has responded to a new round of UN sanctions by threatening to undertake another nuclear test and launch a few missiles, and made clear that the aim of the these tests is to scare North Korea’s sworn enemy, the United States. Here are 10 reactions to the North Korean threats.
1) Dr. Phil, TV psychologist: I am not surprised by the North Korea’s threats. As you know, the North Korean leader Kim Jong-un recently got married, and many men occasionally feel the urge to wreak total nuclear annihilation when their marriage hits a rough patch.
2) North Korean Army: Due to our supreme scientific advancements in rocketry, we now have the capacity to deliver a 1,000-pound nuclear warhead to any point in the continental United States! Please be advised that there will be a $5 delivery charge and we won’t deliver after 10pm.
3) Obama administration: Thank God… We thought we’d have to talk about nothing but Benghazi until 2017.
4) Fox News: Coming up next: a exclusive report on Kim Jong-un’s role in the Benghazi scandal cover-up!!
5) American Apocalyptic Research Institute: According to the ancient North Korean calendar, the world is supposed to end on February 13, 2013. We know we had let you down last year with the faulty prediction we made from the ancient Mayan calendar, but we’ve got a really good feeling about our prediction this time.
6) National Rifle Association: This situation is yet another demonstration of the failure of the tyrannical gun control tendencies of Obama administration, which is always infringing on the constitutional rights of the law-abiding citizens to buy and own nuclear weapons. It should be absolutely clear by now that the only thing that can stop a malevolent maniac with a nuclear missile is a benevolent maniac with a nuclear missile. Also, every school in the country should be equipped with a nuclear missile launch site.
7) Hu Jintao, President of China: American citizens shouldn’t be needlessly concerned and need not engage in unnecessary chaos. North Korea is not planning to declare a war on the United States. Instead, our neighbor only intends to run a simple weapons test, and the purpose of the test will be to find out what happens if you launch nuclear missile into the US.
8) United Nations: We strongly condemn North Korea for their actions that had distracted our organization from our primary mission – condemning Israel!
9) Reince Preibus, Republican Party chairman: As you may be aware, the Republican party has began concentrate its efforts on reallocation of the electoral districts, so we are looking forward to this new development. A North Korean nuclear strike will likely re-district the entire West Coast in our favor and will help GOP win the midterm 2014 elections.
10) CNN: Have you seen the new hairstyle of North Korea’s First Lady? Her bangs are amazing! Don’t you just love them?