Later this week, Barack Obama is scheduled to make his first official visit to Israel and Palestine. Undoubtedly, both Palestinians and Israelis would be eager to make good impression on the American President. Here are 10 ways how Israelis and Palestinians are preparing for Barack Obama’s visit.
1) Israeli government will paint the houses and pull weeds along the planned route of Obama’s motorcade to show that millions of dollars in American military aid did not go to waste.
2) To highlight the harshness of life under the Israeli occupation, Palestinian Authority will burn houses and plant weeds along the route of Obama’s motorcade. This measure will also make Barack Obama feel more at home, because it should remind him of Detroit.
3) Israelis will dig an underground tunnel from Tel Aviv to the capital of Palestinian Authority at Ramallah, so that Obama will not see any Jewish settlements while traveling through the West Bank.
4) Palestinian Authority will prepare a petition for Obama Administration to put pressure on Israel to withdraw from all the illegal Jewish settlements, including Jerusalem, Haifa and Tel Aviv.
5) In response, Israel’s Prime Minister Netanyahu will prepare a petition to Obama and United Nations, asking them to officially recognize Palestinian territories as a giant pain in the tuches.
6) West Bank will welcome the American President with celebratory billboards greeting “Welcome Great American Satan!”, while HAMAS, which controls the Gaza strip, will welcome the distinguished guest by setting off a homemade rocket fireworks over the cities of southern Israel.
7) Barack Obama’s trip will include a visit to the Western Wall, where he is expected to place a note in the wall with his prayers. Per the guest’s request, a section of the Western Wall will be removed so that all 2000 pages of Obamacare could fit in.
8) In response to Obama’s request that Israel returns to the pre-1967 borders, Israel will offer President Obama a tour of Israel from the 1967 border to the Mediterranean Sea. The tour will be conducted as a walking tour and is expected to take two to three hours, including lunch.
9) Palestinian Authority will complain to Obama about Israel not allowing 3G cell phone service in West Bank and and are expected to compare this to the Holocaust. The comparison would be perfectly valid, because Nazis did not provide 3G coverage to Jews in concentration camps either.
10) In honor of the esteemed American guest, the personnel at Tel Aviv’s Ben Gurion airport will comply with the recent TSA decision and will allow for small knives, golf clubs, and baseball bats to be carried onto Air Force One.