10 Reasons Why Republican Leaders Don’t Like Pope Francis

Pope Francis Portrait Painting

Saying “Greed is bad”?  Telling Christians what to do?  Oh, the chutzpah of this guy!  Who does this guy think he is, the Pope? (Photo credit: faithmouse)

Since his election in early 2013, Pope Francis has made quite a few controversial statements. For example, in his recent writings, Francis criticized the excesses of free market, the “idolatry of money”, and called for measures alleviating poverty and wealth inequality – all of which happens to be anathema to modern conservative gospel.  And finally, some prominent conservative pundits, like Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin, (who apparently believe they have a guaranteed admission to Heaven), have found the courage to disagree with the Holy See’s heresy.  Here are 10 Republican complaints about Pope Francis.

1)  “Pope criticized the free market, and as we all know, Jesus was an early advocate of the free market.  Don’t you remember the biblical story about Jesus driving money-changers out of the temple, so that their enterprise won’t be restricted by the temple’s walls?”

2)  “Did you know that the Pope washed the feet of criminals?  Can you believe it? What exactly is his idea of being tough on crime – not using soap???”

3)  “Pope Francis is an illegal Latin-American immigrant, and probably stole his job from some hard-working American cardinal.”

4)  “Pope Francis shouldn’t have said that trickle-down economics isn’t working when it clearly does.  Just ask any billionaire!”

5)  “Pope Francis has led the Catholic Church for several months already, and still hasn’t criticized Obama for the really important stuff, like Benghazi!”

6)  “Pope Francis shows that the voter suppression laws just aren’t strong enough: see, even an electorate made up of older white males could elect a candidate who’ll turn out to be a socialist!”

7)  “Francis once said that atheists could go to Heaven.  Yes, eventually, Vatican retracted this glaring blunder – but for the couple of days until the error was corrected, a bunch of crafty atheists took this opportunity to die and get into Heaven, and right now they are probably suing St. Peter for displaying 10 Commandments on the Pearly Gates!”

8)  “Where is Pope Francis’ birth certificate? Why hasn’t it been released?  Because we have a reason to suspect that Pope Francis isn’t even his real name!”

9)  “How dare he imply that we don’t care about the poor?  Of course we care about the poor!  Would we want to cut their food stamps if we didn’t?”

10)  “Pope Francis claims he talks to God, while everyone knows that God only talks to Republican political candidates to tell them to run for whatever office they aspire to hold.”*

* However, it’s suspected that God tells Republican candidates like Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, and Rick Santorum to run for president, because he wants Democrats to win.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

78 Responses to 10 Reasons Why Republican Leaders Don’t Like Pope Francis

  1. Jueseppi B. says:

    Reblogged this on The ObamaCrat™.

    Like

  2. And you forgot that Pope Francis used to work as a bouncer. Alcohol is a sign of Satan, at least among the Religious Right.

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  3. Re #2: It should be said in all fairness that Pope Francis is not the first Pope to wash the feet of criminals. His predecessor Pope Benedict XVI did so as well: http://andreasmoser.wordpress.com/2013/03/29/papal-pedicure/

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  4. ohnwentsya says:

    Reblogged this on Spirit In Action and commented:
    Thank you for posting this! I’ve often wondered how the otherwise moral and church devoted people I know who vote republican can do so. Many seem more concerned with controlling others (ie gay marriage, abortion etc) than with what Jesus actually said to us was important. It confuses me, especially when they are people I respect and care about. I hope the hatefulness will drive moral people to question their allegiance to such things.

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  5. bernasvibe says:

    I really , really dig a lot about Pope Francis! Since I’m an active practicing Catholic , he’s the first Pope during my 50 yrs of life that I’ve liked so much about a Pope. I could go on & on about the many viewpoints he feels that I agree with; but I won’t. I share common beliefs with a lot of what he’s said he believes in. More importantly his actions match what he says..I love IT. Cute post, as usual X!

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  6. bernasvibe says:

    Ugh! Hate that I can’t edit after pushing submit…That should’ve read@Since I’m an active practicing Catholic..

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  7. bernasvibe says:

    Reblogged this on Berna's Vibe~The Way I See IT and commented:
    Re-blogged by Berna from List of X’s blog because I think Pope Francis & List of X both ROCK!

    Like

  8. Katie says:

    I heard the Pope didn’t use Dove body soap. Can you imagine a holy man leaving all that microscopic soap scum behind?

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  9. AirportsMadeSimple says:

    OMG. This is your best post yet. I usually don’t comment, but I can’t help myself. I have one sentence to add to. #5: “…Benghazi…or Obama’s apparent lack of a US birth certificate!!” As if that wouldn’t be one of the first things vetted. *sigh* Cheers, my internet friend.

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    • List of X says:

      Thank you! I’m glad to have pulled you out of comment hiding 🙂 (Sorry for the late response – a vacation with spotty internet connection didn’t let me manage the comments too well. (But I did use a couple of airports, and I even checked your website for advice on one 🙂

      Like

      • AirportsMadeSimple says:

        Why, hello there, List of X – Yes, I have PLENTY of comments to voice; however, my blog is not the place to do it, seeing as I had an internet stalker this past summer–such was the reason for my silence and temporary absence. Thank you very much for your kind words. I enjoyed your column very much. I was raised conservative Republican, and am now Catholic, so I can truly understand the nuances of your post. 🙂 Have a wonderful holiday season – I hope your vacation went well and you had a wonderful time! (One always needs a good break from technology methinks because it helps stir the creativity.) Cheers! D

        Like

  10. 3 and 8 and tightly connected!
    And let’s not forget where he stands when it comes to the plague that’s infesting and destroying our society, the gays.

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  11. Worse? I can imagine these as not satire. I am shaking my head and wondering where you cribed these from, you stole their thunder now they must re-write their rants. You do know, they don’t have that much imagination.

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    • List of X says:

      They can get very predictable. This makes my job so much easier, and I think that a couple of my jokes actually turned out later to be accurate predictions. But saying “no imagination”, that’s not fair; did you hear the latest conspiracy theories that Michelle Obama was born a man, and that Barack had an illegitimate child with a woman then had her killed? That takes some serious imagination.

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      • Yes, I heard those. I thought who are these people.

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      • Michelle must have been born a man. She has muscles and opens her mouth instead of keeping it shut like a good little wife should. Also – didn’t they use the illegitimate thing w/ Clinton too? I mean, you could believe the kid, just not the killing part . . . .

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        • List of X says:

          First of all, I am pretty sure that Bill Clinton has at least a couple of illegitimate children somewhere.
          And I remember that Karl Rove used “would you be less likely to vote for our opponent if you knew he sired a black child” mass phone “poll” question against McCain in 2000 (yes, one their own, I know). Rove must have been really upset that he couldn’t do the same with Obama.

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          • Lol. As I said, it would not surprise me in the least to see several illegitimate Clinton children. Then again, if you took all the illegitimate politician children you’d have a whole village! Ah, Karl Rove – even his own party thinks he’s racist and untrustworthy. That’s an accomplishment.

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            • List of X says:

              I actually get the feeling that Karl Rove is getting too moderate for his party. He even started a superPAC to support Republican candidates who supposedly have a better chance in general elections than Tea Party fringe candidates.

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  12. john zande says:

    #7 would make an excellent short sketch! Slipped in through a loophole, arguing with the saints 🙂 Brilliant.

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  13. Elyse says:

    Maybe God talks to Rick Santorum and Michelle Bachmann for the comedy value of watching them run…

    I do love Pope Francis. Imagine a christian pope! Who would have thought I would live to see an actual miracle.

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  14. rossmurray1 says:

    Always great. #8 had me chuckling at my desk. (You have a typo in #9, by the way.)

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    • List of X says:

      Thank you. Fixed the typo – and don’t hesitate to point out my mistakes: I’m still learning the English language, and it is your job as an (former?) editor to correct people.

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  15. omawarisan says:

    Look, those people paid good money to own God, by God, and they aren’t going to stand for some foreigner handing him out to poor people for free.

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  16. Anonymous says:

    My favorite:
    * However, it’s suspected that God tells Republican candidates like Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, and Rick Santorum to run for president, because he wants Democrats to win.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      I mean, if God really tells them they should run, what other possible reason could he have in mind? I mean, it’s not like Michele and Ricks would ever lie to us about talking to God about their electoral campaigns… Would they?

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  17. Love it! That silly pope. Maybe they can impeach him – quit think up a popegate!

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  18. Carrie Rubin says:

    These are great. Love #4 and #7. ‘Crafty atheists’ made me laugh out loud.

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  19. and Number 11 which I heard on the radio only today. Pope Francis once held a job as a bouncer. Kaboom!

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  20. stephenpruis says:

    Your footnote was the best! God sure is a tricksy fellow!

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    • List of X says:

      As they say, “he works in the mysterious ways”. Bachmann, Perry, Santorum, Cruz, Rubio, and so on should keep that in mind and not take what God tells them at face value.

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  21. Thay hate him because instead of just spouting the party line he actually thinks about stuff.

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  22. Distinguished Malcontent says:

    I like Pope Francis for two reasons:

    1. Short name. No roman numerals. Pope Francis sounds friendly and informal, like he’s just a regular dude who happens to be God’s best friend.

    2. After Pope Benedict XVI, Francis seems more liberal than Whoopi Goldberg. All he has to do is NOT try to restart the Crusades, and he’ll be doing a better job than the last guy.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      1) Imagine how friendly and informal pope will be if he’s named “Bob”, or “Joe”, or “Whoopi”. 🙂
      2) Vatican hasn’t really done any crusades in ages. I think they have outsourced it to the USA, especially under the Republican administrations.

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  23. #3…now that is funny.

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  24. Pingback: EPIC RANT || IT SEEMS THE POPE IS A COMMUNIST BECAUSE HE DOESNT LIKE TRICKLE DOWN | ASpoonfulofSuga

  25. Hey X, just remember that there are repubs who use Christianity simply for votes. Pisses this true Christian right winger off! I know the Catholic church has it problems, but from my experiences with family, and friends, who are Catholic, they are good folks. Must admit, some of these were funny. 🙂 Yup, Christian here with a sense of humor:)!!!!!!

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    • List of X says:

      Thanks, I’m glad you could appreciate this.
      I do remember that Christians are not all alike – pope Francis and pope Benedict before him are excellent examples. And I realize that just because some people call themselves “Christians”, they aren’t necessarily following the teachings of Christ – and it irks me, an atheist, just it does you when some of these “Christians” are doing this just to get the votes.

      Like

  26. Now the Pope has called those who follow the principles of the Prosperity Theocracy to be Pagans. I am certain there are Pagans who are highly insulted by this comparison, however the Right is even more enraged so it is worth it.

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  27. EagleAye says:

    OMG. Hilarious as always. They’re all my favorite this time around. There’s more considerations of course: 11) With no birth certificate available, there’s a strong suspicion that his nationality is actually Kenyan instead of Argentinian. 12) It was recently reported that after many conversations between God and the Pope, God told Ann Coulter to piss off. Clearly, the Pope is clearly poisoning God’s mind.

    Like

  28. Anonymous says:

    Like who cares they don’t like him.

    Like

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