10 Fun Facts About America Beer

beer-america2This week, beverage maker Anheuser-Busch announced that Budweiser beer cans and bottles will be temporarily redesigned to replace “Budweiser” brand name with “America”. Here are 10 fun facts about this new America beer.

1)  America beer will be made from bald eagles and apple pies, and filtered through 1000-thread count cotton American flags to attain its rich 1% flavor.

2)  The beer will carry the name “America” up until the presidential election – which is the worst possible time to change the brand, because half the country would want a drink to celebrate, and the other half would want a drink to not have to deal with the election results while sober.

3)  Islamic traditions prohibits America in every Middle Eastern country.

4)  You don’t get drunk from America beer, but you can get too patriotic to drive. You may also experience some strange American dreams, but don’t worry, they’re not real.

5)  Most people think America is the best beer in the world until they actually try some of the European ones.

6)  The cans come with the slogan “Yes we can”.

7)  Whenever America beer doesn’t agree with your system, the whole world suffers from the hangover.

8)  Drinking America beer makes you more likely to operate heavy machinery like tanks, jet fighters, and aircraft carriers.

9)  Certain people feel that only light beer can count as true America beer, and all kinds of dark beer are inherently inferior.

10)  With just a bottle of America beer, you will now be able to see America literally going down the drain.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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45 Responses to 10 Fun Facts About America Beer

  1. Paul says:

    Bwahaha! I love this post X. Budweiser’s decision is almost like they asked you what change they could make that would produce the best “List of X” post ever. I mean classics like ” Islamic traditions prohibits America in every Middle Eastern country.” Bwahaha! I just don’t know what to say – love the line about operating heavy machinery like tanks,jets and aircraft carriers. I used to haul for the American Navy out of Norfolk Va – where all the big naval hardware is kept – and they loved their beer. I can just picture a couple of deck chairs, a table and umbrella set up on the dock overlooking battleships and aircraft carriers – with admirals sitting sipping America beer and proudly patting each other on the back at what America has done for them. ha!

    Awesome post X. I’ll drink to that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      This decision is almost like when Congress decided to rename French fries to “Freedom fries”, except back then they had a tiny modicum of justification, sort of. But this seems like a pretty transparent move to get some free PR (which I admit just worked on me) and milk American patriotism for some cold hard (or cold liquid) cash – which is a very America thing to do, actually…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Anonymous says:

      I too will drink to this wonderful post! However, it won’t be a Bud, er, an America. Union Jack IPA is much more likely.

      Like

  2. john zande says:

    It actually has the real national motto. That’s going to really, really, really annoy the evangelicals.

    Like

  3. The more America you drink, the better Canada starts to look. I’ve had quite a few cans already…anyone know of a nice tall wall I can go pee on?

    Liked by 2 people

  4. When I first heard about this I thought it was a joke. And that’s no joke. What an embarrassment. Couldn’t our country’s name be used for something more dignified than the pisswater coming from Anheuser-Busch?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. heh. most enjoy #9 supposedly they’ll have bits of other jingoisti- uh patriotic documents. wonder which version of the pledge they’ll have.

    Like

  6. rossmurray1 says:

    We’ve had Molson Canadian beer for years, and of course Canada Dry ginger ale. The difference is no one cares.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Best one: “You can see America going literally down the drain”!!

    Like

  8. Elyse says:

    One of your best. And I’m pretty sure that, assuming #3 is correct, Muslims in the middle east will be happy to keep this name permanently.

    Like

  9. Tippy Gnu says:

    I wonder, if they sell it in Belgium, can they now officially call it imported beer?

    Like

  10. renxkyoko says:

    No kidding ! ! I mean, seriously ? Is this true ? America ?

    Like

  11. Ankur Mithal says:

    Toasts will need to change from “Drink to America” to “Drink America”

    Like

  12. When I think of America, I often have a hankering for a can of dirty dishwater so this name change makes total sense.

    Like

  13. I can’t help thinking that drinking this stuff to excess might now be the only way you can experience the American dream…

    Like

  14. pegoleg says:

    And if you get stopped by the po-lice and ticketed, when you have your day in court, tell the judge that only a commie-pinko would think there was anything wrong with DWA (Driving While American). Then start humming the national anthem and get up and walk out like in that scene in Animal House.

    Like

  15. Paul says:

    As an aside X, I just did a guest post over at Mark Bialczak’s. I would be honored if you had the time to drop by for a read. https://markbialczak.com/2016/05/22/no-violins/comment-page-1/#comment-79841 Thank You.

    Like

  16. I wonder how Americans would react if they knew Budweiser had similar ad campaigns going on in China. They’re constantly airing commercials equating Budweiser with Chinese nationalistic imagery. I feel like Budweiser is two-timing America.

    Like

  17. aFrankAngle says:

    Poor Bud. Lousy beer there days with all the craft brews … so change the packaging to increase sales to appeal to the non-beer drinkers. Meanwhile, #6 was my fav.

    Like

  18. The Hook says:

    Why don’t I drink?

    Like

  19. Paul says:

    As an aside X, I just did a guest post over at Cordelia’s Mom’s. I would be honored if you had the time to drop by. Thank you. https://cordeliasmomstill.com/2016/06/11/youre-insane-guest-post-by-paul-curran/comment-page-1/#comment-17509

    Like

  20. I commented on several of your posts a while back, but that day WordPress was not allowing my comments. I think it was one of Obama’s plots to suppress my freedom of obnoxious speech.

    “Too patriotic to drive” haha. This happens to me all the time!

    Like

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