10 Reasons Why “Islamist Terrorism” Disappeared From French President’s Speech At White House

"So, Francois, I know we were talking about terrorism and this is off-topic, but check out how big my hands are compared to Trump's!" Image source: USAToday

“So, Francois, I know we’re talking terrorism and this is a little off-topic, but check out how big my hands are compared to Donald Trump’s!”
Image source: USAToday

While everyone is so busy watching Donald Trump’s antics, you might have missed a new White House scandal that’s brewing! During a meeting with Barack Obama at the White House, French president Francois Hollande used the words “Islamist terrorism”, which mysteriously disappeared from the video and audio recordings of the speech posted by the White House, although the words appeared in the posted text transcript and the corrected video posted by the White House hours later. Both Hollande and Obama claim that this was due to a technical issue, while the conservatives are outraged because this obviously has to be another example of political correctness run amok. But you know you can count on me to dig deeper and provide 10 real reasons why the words “Islamist terrorism” disappeared from Hollande’s speech, so here they are:

1)  Obama’s family dog Bo ate the correct video file.

2)  FBI hack of the San Bernardino shooter’s iPhone caused a system-wide malfunction across many i-products, including iSlamist Terrorism.

3)  It was a deliberate decision by the top White House staff to remove the words from the French President’s speech because America cares about our relationship with Islamic-majority allies much more than we care about our French allies. (No offence, France, but how much oil do YOU have?)

4)  It was a deliberate decision made by low-level staffers: the Obama administration is so laid-back and relaxed that White House’s audio engineers are allowed to set their own foreign policy.

5)  According to credible CIA and NSA sources, saying “Islamic terrorism” out loud may conjure the spirit of Osama bin Laden.

6)  The White House audio engineers are paid by the word, and the government just could not justify paying taxpayers dollars for “Islamist Terrorism”.

7)  Hollande was talking way too fast for the White House interpreter to type every word into Google Translate.

8)  Because Republicans argue that the White House should leave the job of nominating the next Supreme Court justice to the next president, it’s only logical that the White House decided to leave talking about Islamist terrorism to the next president as well.

9)  It really was a technical issue: technically, Hollande said it, and Obama had an issue with that.

10)  After months of media focusing solely on Donald Trump, the White house staff felt undeservedly left out and ignored.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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101 Responses to 10 Reasons Why “Islamist Terrorism” Disappeared From French President’s Speech At White House

  1. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Hey …. totally plausible!

    Like

  2. Elyse says:

    #2? Brilliant.

    Like

  3. Steve Ruis says:

    Brilliant. John Oliver should hire you to write a weekly Top Ten list.

    Like

  4. Paul says:

    I knew it! I knew Apple had a hand in all this iSlamic Terrorism. I suspect that the recording techs were detailed to leave out any American influenced systems or organizations that could generate questions about America’s foreign policy. In being scrupulously honest, they deleted all references to ISIS and spin offs, as this is a Sunni organization that formed specifically in response to the fact that America supported a Shiite president in Iraq who then instituted a pogrom against all Sunnis. The US choice randomly killed and imprisoned Sunnis, drove them from their homes and burnt / blew up all Sunni places of worship as well as neighborhoods. The officials indiscriminately slaughtered Sunni women and children as well as men. These were American supported officials. Once the Sunnis had been starved and driven into the desert, they organized into ISIS and, in revenge, began to slaughter all Shiites and Americans they could lay their hands on. I wonder why?
    Anyway, hilarious post X – I suspect Obama has the bigger hands. Bwahaha!

    Like

    • Jim Wheeler says:

      I think you’re on to something, Paul. Actually, the deletion of “Islamist Terrorism” might have been part of a backroom deal to prevent further inflammation of religious sensitivities in multi-religious France by also using the term, “Christian Crusading”, a.k.a., making sand glow and carpet bombing. In the end, though, it probably didn’t matter because who’s going to listen to Francois when Donald Trump had already sucked all the oxygen out of the political sphere?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        The good Catholic French were seriously involved in the Crusades trying to wipe out Muslims for around 200 years starting circa 1100. When a good Catholic Frenchman smiles at a Muslim now, the Muslim flinches and casts around to make sure death isn’t impending. There may be some history there. 🙂 Besides France has about 300 nuclear weapons and missile delivery systems that will reach the Middle East.You know I wrote a post apocalyptic story about life in the Middle East after Israel and the Muslims had flung nukes at each other to their mutual destruction – no one will publish it. I wonder why? ha!

        Liked by 1 person

        • List of X says:

          Although the history did not start in 1100 – in the 8th century, Muslims invaded France, too, and there were multiple attempts by the Ottoman Empire to invade Western Europe in 16th and 17th century – although since about 19th century, it’s mostly Europe and the US messing in the Middle East, and not the other way around.
          I don’t really think that Muslims look at Catholic Frenchmen and see killers – if that were true, Muslim refugees would be trying to avoid France as much as they can.
          As for the story, I know a place that could publish it: julienoblog.wordpress.com 🙂

          Like

          • Paul says:

            Ha! True dat – Julienoblog it is there are a number of chapters already. I hadn’t thought of that. Thanks X ! i was vaguely aware that the Muslims and the French had “history” but I wasn’t aware of the details Thanks again X. .

            Like

      • List of X says:

        No one would have cared what Hollande said if there wasn’t Obama in the picture. And yes, there are still Republicans watching anything Obama does – because the White House has gone without a scandal for way too long so that it might start to hurt Republican election prospects if they continue to let Obama get away with outrageous stuff like that.

        Like

    • List of X says:

      Well, it’s obvious Apple is supporting ISIS. Why else they wouldn’t let the FBI to access the ISIS smartphone?

      Sent from my Samsung smartphone

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Tippy Gnu says:

    Obama’s secretary, the daughter of Rose Mary Woods, was recording the video while playing a game of Twister, and accidentally hit the wrong button with her knee, which deleted the words, leaving an 18-second gap.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Carrie Rubin says:

    Hey, for once it wasn’t something Joe Biden said. That’s a plus! I’m going with number one. That Bo gets into everything.

    Like

  7. rossmurray1 says:

    So Bin Laden is basically Beetlejuice.

    Like

  8. Uh… obviously, the ghost of ‘Tricky Dick’ Nixon erased part of the tapes…

    Like

  9. Do you remember that famous photo of Nixon’s secretary Rosemary Woods making that improbable stretching to erase 18.5 minutes of tape? That was dubbed the “Rose Mary Stretch,” so don’t act so surprised like it hasn’t happened before.

    Like

  10. Trent Lewin says:

    Just for the record, and in case you didn’t know this, Canadaland has WAY more oil than France. So, like, some respect please…

    Like

  11. I am going with #8, delay due to election year and Lame Duck status. Makes perfect sense to me.

    Like

  12. aFrankAngle says:

    My first thought … honestly … before reading the list was the dog (Bo) having eaten it – and than there it is … Scary!

    Like

  13. pegoleg says:

    Seems clear to me that we were just helping out a not-as-enlightened friend who obviously didn’t know that labeling terrorists who are Muslim as Islamic terrorists would really, really hurt their feelings. All the lesser countries are so lucky to have us, the big brother US of A, to correct them, aren’t they?

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Yes, now in addition to rubbing into France’s face that we saved them from the Nazis, we’ll get to brag that we saved France from… sorry, we can’t say from whom exactly.

      Like

  14. The Hook says:

    Censorship, man…

    Like

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