As you already know, Antonin Scalia, one of the United States Supreme Court’s nine justices, had died several weeks ago, and Barack Obama had nominated Appeals Court judge Merrick Garland to replace him. Republican politicians have voiced their opposition to the very idea of Obama nominating anyone, and still refuse to hold any hearings on this Merrick Garland character, if that’s even a real name. But contrary to the popular belief, it’s really not about partisanship and obstruction. You see, Obama should not be nominating anybody because there just isn’t a single person whom Republicans could find qualified to serve on the Supreme Court. Even if we could pick candidates among historical figures and fictional characters, no one would meet their high standards. Here are just 10 examples.
1) Abraham Lincoln: By freeing the slaves, he displayed his contempt for sacred property rights of small and large business owners.
2) Pope Francis: No only he’s a socialist, but as Pope he is also infallible. Can you imagine how much of his socialist agenda he would be able to force on our country by a series of 1-8 decisions?
3) The Superman: He has severely damaged his reputation by leading a double life in lamestream media. Besides, he would have to recuse himself from any Supreme Court cases involving Kryptonite.
4) A genetically reproduced clone of Antonin Scalia: A clone of Scalia created by science would be an insult to the legacy of Justice Scalia, who spent much of his judicial career fighting science.
5) Mother Teresa: While she was undoubtedly a devoted Christian, her obsession with healing poor people makes it clear that she would be a supporter of Obamacare.
6) Ayn Rand: While it may be tempting to have this legendary conservative writer on the court, she would slow the court’s activity down to a crawl with her 1,000+ pages long decisions.
7) The Terminator: On the surface, he would seem like a good fit with his strong pro-gun and pro-death penalty stances, and he did a great job as the governor of California, but having come from the future, he might turn out to be a progressive.
8) Any one of the Founding Fathers: The job of the Supreme Court is to figure out what the Founding Fathers wanted and make rulings based on that, but having a Founding Father on the court makes it only more complicated: what if he wants a coffee? or visit a bathroom?
9) Jesus Christ: Remember, this is the guy who kicked businessmen out of the temple and was heard badmouthing rich people. And even if he died, he’d probably just rise back to the court in three days, immensely complicating the nomination process.
10) Ronald Reagan: Well… He might actually be perfect, but if Obama were to support him, the Republicans would be legally obligated to oppose him.