10 Reasons Why Obama Should Not Nominate New Supreme Court Justice

In his impassioned speech in defense of his nominee, Barack Obama pointed out Garland's major strength as a potential Justice: "Look how old this guy is! He'll probably die in a couple of years anyway, and you'll be free to replace him with anyone you like!"

In his impassioned speech in defense of his nominee, Barack Obama pointed out Garland’s major strength as a potential Justice: “Look how old this guy is! He’ll probably die in a couple of years anyway, and you’ll be free to replace him with anyone you like!”

As you already know, Antonin Scalia, one of the United States Supreme Court’s nine justices, had died several weeks ago, and Barack Obama had nominated Appeals Court judge Merrick Garland to replace him. Republican politicians have voiced their opposition to the very idea of Obama nominating anyone, and still refuse to hold any hearings on this Merrick Garland character, if that’s even a real name. But contrary to the popular belief, it’s really not about partisanship and obstruction. You see, Obama should not be nominating anybody because there just isn’t a single person whom Republicans could find qualified to serve on the Supreme Court. Even if we could pick candidates among historical figures and fictional characters, no one would meet their high standards. Here are just 10 examples.

1) Abraham Lincoln: By freeing the slaves, he displayed his contempt for sacred property rights of small and large business owners.

2) Pope Francis: No only he’s a socialist, but as Pope he is also infallible. Can you imagine how much of his socialist agenda he would be able to force on our country by a series of 1-8 decisions?

3) The Superman: He has severely damaged his reputation by leading a double life in lamestream media. Besides, he would have to recuse himself from any Supreme Court cases involving Kryptonite.

4) A genetically reproduced clone of Antonin Scalia: A clone of Scalia created by science would be an insult to the legacy of Justice Scalia, who spent much of his judicial career fighting science.

5) Mother Teresa: While she was undoubtedly a devoted Christian, her obsession with healing poor people makes it clear that she would be a supporter of Obamacare.

6) Ayn Rand: While it may be tempting to have this legendary conservative writer on the court, she would slow the court’s activity down to a crawl with her 1,000+ pages long decisions.

7) The Terminator: On the surface, he would seem like a good fit with his strong pro-gun and pro-death penalty stances, and he did a great job as the governor of California, but having come from the future, he might turn out to be a progressive.

8) Any one of the Founding Fathers: The job of the Supreme Court is to figure out what the Founding Fathers wanted and make rulings based on that, but having a Founding Father on the court makes it only more complicated: what if he wants a coffee? or visit a bathroom?

9) Jesus Christ: Remember, this is the guy who kicked businessmen out of the temple and was heard badmouthing rich people. And even if he died, he’d probably just rise back to the court in three days, immensely complicating the nomination process.

10) Ronald Reagan: Well… He might actually be perfect, but if Obama were to support him, the Republicans would be legally obligated to oppose him.


About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

52 Responses to 10 Reasons Why Obama Should Not Nominate New Supreme Court Justice

  1. Paul says:

    Ha! Too funny X. I nominate Ned Hickson.


  2. X, you’re absolutely right. Mr. Scalia’s shoes are indeed big shoes to fill. Our Republican controlled Congress has very high standards, too. No doubt, they expect that whoever should get that position, be someone who can fit into the same size shoes that they themselves wear. But where do you find someone with as big a foot as Bozo The Clown?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Amaya says:

    Ronald Reagan supported gun control, so no…not perfect. Unless we’re talking advanced Alzheimer’s Reagan. That might work for these fools.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      Amaya: speaking of Alzheimer’s I was in a northern Canadian city and in front of a mini-mall I saw the following sign: “Alzheimer’s Society Office moved to new location at” – and it listed an address. driving along pondering this, I realized they were going to have to leave that sign there for a very long time.

      Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      He also raised taxes, sold guns to Iran, negotiated with communists, and increased the sovereign debt, so his Alzheimer’s couldn’t possibly be any worse than it has to be with the people who think he’s an ideal conservative.


  4. Elyse says:

    Why have a Supreme Court at all? Why have any courts? Why not just ask Michelle Bachmann what to do or, better still, what Jesus would do.


  5. aFrankAngle says:

    Great angle on the high court … I must admit that the idea of cloning Justice Scalia hadn’t crossed my mind – let alone a reason to oppose the clone. Brilliantly done!


  6. Tippy Gnu says:

    The best way Obama can get Garland appointed is to withdraw his nomination. The Republicans would have to immediately confirm him, since they oppose Obama on everything.


  7. Jim Wheeler says:

    I can think of only one other possible nominee to add to your excellent list: King Solomon. I think he would be a perfect fit because he knew how to resolve disputes with a sword. But, never mind. The GOP would never go for him either – he’s one of those swarthy foreigners from the middle east and would not be able to produce his birth certificate.


  8. Carrie Rubin says:

    Perhaps we could start replacing the seats with AI. But we could give the robots spray tans, just to keep things in line with the current election.


  9. Yev says:

    I’m not sure Superman is qualified, as he is an illegal alien.


  10. Yev says:

    Cloning Justice Scalia violates the original intent of the parents of Justice Scalia, who understood that his son would be a mortal man before rising to be with Jesus.


  11. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    This is a good one!!!


  12. Mr. Militant Negro says:

    Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.


  13. Trent Lewin says:

    Honestly, I didn’t even need to read beyond #1, that stopped me in my tracks and gave me a heckuva laugh. I did read the rest, of course. As mystified as I am of your politics down there, I feel that in your humour you give me insights into American politics that the average Fox news broadcaster just doesn’t quite articulate…


  14. rossmurray1 says:

    #4 is a charm.
    What about one of the Muppets. Who doesn’t like Muppets?

    Liked by 1 person

  15. The Cutter says:

    You know, they’ll often call Batman “The Batman,” but you never hear them call Superman “The Superman.”


  16. Ned's Blog says:

    Maybe if we could genetically combine Jesus and The Terminator…? When he says “I’ll be back,” it will be more like a threat.


  17. Perfect, simply perfect. But you know, I am thinking Reagan would likely pass the test if as you say it was the older version.


  18. HA!!! Also, just for the record, I am available for the job…


I can see you have something to say...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s