10 Ways How Donald Trump Is Softening His Position On Immigration

In response to Trump's usual demand to pay for the wall, President Nieto suggested Trump should talk to his hand. Image source: CNN

In response to Trump’s usual demand to pay for the wall, President Nieto suggested Trump should talk to his hand.
Image source: CNN

Donald Trump has made immigration the centerpiece of his election campaign by promising to deport all of 11 million of illegal immigrants, build a border wall, and to ban all visitors from Muslim countries until he figures out what’s going on. (Despite Donald Trump’s superior intellect, he apparently hasn’t yet figured that out). Although it worked in the Republican primary, his hard-line position on immigration is not as popular with the general election voters. So Donald Trump has been trying to moderate his position on immigration to appeal to independents – he even met with Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto, or as Donald Trump refers to him, “the ruler of future illegals”. Here are 10 ways how Donald Trump is softening his stance on illegal immigrants.

1)  Donald Trump will not longer insist that Mexico writes a check to pay for building the wall on the border. Instead, Donald Trump will make a tremendous deal with Mexico to let them to make monthly payments.

2)  If Mexico is still unable to pay for the wall, Donald Trump knows another way to still build the wall for free –  just hire a contractor to build the wall and not pay them for their work after they’re done.

3)  Certain illegal aliens, assuming they’re hot, young, and female, will have a path to citizenship by marrying Donald Trump through a new DT-4 visa. This visa program will be available up to a 1,000 of hot young female illegal immigrants per year.

4)  Donald Trump is willing to expand the guest worker program. The new guest worker visa would work the same way as DT-4 visa, except that hot young female guest workers would be sent back when their visa expires, or when the current DT-4 visa holder finds out about them.

5)  To avoid unfairly singling out illegal immigrants, Donald Trump also will deport the same number of legal immigrants and native-born Americans who had voted for Ted Cruz or Hillary Clinton.

6)  Donald Trump would be willing to accept up to 25,000 Syrian refugees, or however many could fit into the Guantanamo Bay facility.

7)  Since deporting 11 million illegal immigrants is expected to cost tens of billions of dollars, Donald Trump will hire illegal immigrant labor to deport illegal immigrants to cut costs.

8)  He will not arrest 2 million illegal immigrants within the first hour of his presidency as he had originally promised. Those 2 million illegal immigrants will be given a 10 minute head start.

9)  Donald Trump believes it would be inhumane to separate immigrant families where the children have legal status but the parents don’t, and will be happy to deport the whole family.

10)  Visa program for immigrants with special talents will end, because there is no possible way there could be anyone more talented than Donald Trump.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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43 Responses to 10 Ways How Donald Trump Is Softening His Position On Immigration

  1. Paul says:

    Bravo X! You’re back in fine style. Love hiring illegal immigrants to deport illegal immigrants and hiring contractors to build the wall and then stiffing hem.

    Like

  2. aFrankAngle says:

    Another homerun … and cheers to your timely nature. #7 definitely my fav. Thanks for the chuckle in the midst of a discouraging election year.

    Like

  3. Ankur Mithal says:

    Apparently he has also permitted all aliens, the other-planet types, to come and make their home in America, as soon as Voyager and other spaceships can find them. We are judging him unfairly on the basis of just a million Mexicans.

    Like

  4. Actually, a goodly proportion of the Republican party isn’t so happy about how this turned out. Hope they learned a valuable lesson.

    I like how you always refer to him as ‘Donald Trump,’ using his full name. It’s almost as condescending at Martin Sheen’s emasculating ‘Don Trump.’

    Using illegal immigrants to solve our illegal immigrant problem is so dastardly that it could land you a position in the Donald Trump administration. I hope your papers are all in order.

    So this is our quarterly report from you? What are we supposed to do now? Sit and wait until 2017 until we hear from you again? I protest.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Sorry, I’ve been slacking off really hard these last few months and getting my documents in order, but I guarantee you’ll see the next post much sooner that 2017. And it will be the biggest and best post ever… crap, this Trump-speak is contagious. And yes, that “Donald Trump” thing is intentional.

      Like

  5. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    #TheSoftening …. he knows not a thing!!

    Like

  6. Amaya says:

    During each campaign rally he will ask “Where are my Mexicans?” and give them a thumbs up.

    Like

  7. Tippy Gnu says:

    Great to see you back, X! Donald Trump has also said nobody knows how many illegals there really are. Next he’ll be saying he knows more than Immigration knows about illegal immigrants. And after a few days of being President he’ll say he’s deported them all, and he now knows there are none. I think that’s his secret plan.

    Like

  8. rossmurray1 says:

    So. Two more months of this, eh?

    Like

  9. Gibber says:

    He might allow any immigrants in so long as they’re young and female..

    Like

  10. Trent Lewin says:

    I’ve missed your humour and insight, X. I want the Trumpster to make his tremendous deal with Mexico, and perhaps he can turn his attention to us after he’s done looking south. He can totally make a tremendous deal with us, too, I promise that he will get the better part of the bargain. We won’t mind. We’re nice, and polite. We also have hot Canucks, by the way. Just saying.

    Like

  11. This was worth waiting… forever… for… Once again, you combine scathing sarcasm while shining a spotlight into the trash heap of the human condition… or something… awesome…

    Like

  12. One other ingenious way to tackle the problem: Remove the label, ‘illegal immigrants’ and call them ‘laborers serving at my pleasure’ – problem solved!

    Like

  13. pegoleg says:

    I’m a little troubled by this softened attitude. If he does allow monthly payments on the wall, I hope he will at least charge an exorbitant interest rate, right?

    Like

  14. Pingback: 10 Ways How Donald Trump Is Softening His Position On Immigration – a little left of center

  15. Emmett Smith says:

    I believe he would actually try to do these things but I believe it would get blocked by congress.

    Like

    • Jim Wheeler says:

      With respect, Mr. Hoogendoorn, I submit that fear of immigrant terrorists very overblown. Other than the wife of the California shooter I can’t at the moment think of any other immigrant who has attacked us. Most immigrants have already been thoroughly vetted and the clamp-down is hurting our friends.

      The EU has had immigrant problems, but it is more vulnerable than we due to its open borders and proximity to the middle East. The President is a politician, of necessity, and so must respond to the fears of the populace, but I wish everyone could put this in perspective. Seems to me that the greatest terrorist threat is of the home-grown variety, inspired by our enemies. Building walls isn’t going to stop those, but it will likely increase xenophobia and religious prejudice.

      Liked by 1 person

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