This weekend, Hillary Clinton collapsed while getting into a car, prompting speculation about which life-threatening illness that makes her unfit to be president is affecting her. Her campaign made a statement that Clinton is suffering from pneumonia, prompting speculation about which life-threatening illness that makes her unfit to be president she is covering up with this feeble “pneumonia” excuse. And because her rival Donald Trump is the most transparent presidential candidate from the Republican party in the 2016 general election, he offered to release his medical records to prove that, unlike Clinton, he is tremendously healthy. Here are 10 highlights of Donald Trump’s medical record.
1) White Cell count: Almost 95% of Mr. Trump blood cells were white. However, Mr. Trump insisted that he loves all cells, black cells, Mexican cells, it’s just white cells are better, because they work harder, and they are the ones attacking any foreign elements coming from outside.
2) Heart conditions: No heart conditions have been found, due to the fact that none of our doctors have been able to ascertain that Mr. Trump actually has a heart.
3) Allergic reactions detected to: Mexicans, Muslims, Democrats, average- and below average-looking women, journalists, immigrants, protesters, veterans, fact checks, etc.
4) Dermatology report: No issues, other than abnormally thin skin.
5) Medications prescribed: Hairspray, one 5-gallon bottle every 12 hours.
6) Treatment history: Mr. Trump reported that he has been treated very unfairly by the media.
7) Stress test: Mr. Trump passed the stress test extremely well. Not only he had no problems handling stress, he gave plenty of stress to all medical personnel administering the test.
8) Growth chart: Mr. Trump insisted that his growth was from barely 40 million dollars in 1978 to OVER TEN BILLION in 2016. When informed that his wealth wasn’t what our staff was supposed to measure, Mr. Trump refused to be measured and made an emphatic verbal guarantee that there’s absolutely no problem there.
9) Psychological profile: Mr. Trump is obsessed with anger at certain 68-year-old woman, which may indicate some unresolved issues with his mother.
10) Family history: There is a documented history of extreme wealth being genetically inherited by Mr. Trump from his parents, with high probability of the same condition being transferred to Mr. Trump’s children as well. However, although this condition is rare and not contagious for 99.9% of Americans, it is actually quite common among the American presidential candidates.