10 Options Other Than Voting For Donald Trump Or Hillary Clinton

Sample 2016 election ballot with a sample vote.

Sample 2016 election ballot with a sample vote.

Many Americans complain that in this election, the only options available to them is either Clinton or Trump (or, as most voters put it, “voting against Trump” and “voting against Clinton”, respectively). However, you do have other options: in fact, over a thousand people have filed official paperwork as candidates in the 2016 presidential election. Here are 10 of these alternatives. (All the candidates listed below are actual candidates running for president in 2016, and some will even appear on the election ballots.)

1)  Gary Johnson, Libertarian party: Running on a well-thought-out and appealing platform of being neither Clinton nor Trump.

2)  Jill Stein, Green Party: Fighting for the rights of the Whole Foods shoppers everywhere.

3)  Kevin Deame, Pirate Party: Vote for strong navy, return to the gold standard, no taxes, and no government regulations! Or just vote for the Republicans, their program is pretty much the same.

4)  Mike Fahl, Cherry Picker Party: You can vote for any part of their agenda you like.

5)  Caesar St. Augustine DeBuonaparte, Absolute Dictator: In case you actually do want an absolute dictator running the country, just want someone other than Donald Trump.

6)  Bradford Lyttle, US Pacifist Party: They guarantee there would be no more wars, but on the other hand, you can be sure that the Pacifist Party wouldn’t be fighting for the middle class, lower taxes, or environment either.

7)  Darrell Trigg, Christian Party: Jesus was supposed to be on the ticket, but there seems to be some problem with his birth certificate.

8)  Rod Silva, Nutrition Party: You will get chicken in every pot, burger in every bun, and tofu in every vegetarian! Proteins of the world, unite!

9)  Dan Vacek, Legal Marijuana Now Party: Legalize marijuana now, and vote for some Nutrition later, man!

10)  Todd Clayton Jr., Chivalry Party: They will graciously let Hillary Clinton or Jill Stein have all of their votes.

Finally, if you’re still not happy even with the expanded list of candidates, you could move to Florida and vote for any candidate – as 2000 election showed, Florida’s voting machines will assign your vote to a randomly picked candidate, and therefore will absolve you of any responsibility in electing Clinton or Trump. Or you can just move to Canada and not vote in the election at all: since either Clinton or Trump are guaranteed to win and therefore trigger a flood of Americans leaving the country, it’s better to move now, before all the best places are taken.


About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

63 Responses to 10 Options Other Than Voting For Donald Trump Or Hillary Clinton

  1. Gibber says:

    They could also vote Gibberite where all questions, concerns and problems are solved promptly and with great wisdom.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Johnson couldn’t name one world leader the other day. Going for the Sarah Palin vote.

    Can I vote for Tom Hanks? He seems like such a nice guy, doesn’t he? I’ll bet he can unite the parties.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. rossmurray1 says:

    #7 is better than the Second Coming.

    Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      I don’t think it’s fair to compare the joke to the Second Coming and not the first one, because the sequel is rarely as good as the original.

      Liked by 1 person

      • calahan says:

        In defense of the Second Coming, they have been smart to not rush this sequel into production. They are really listening to fans so as not to make the mistakes Satan makes each time he comes back. First rule of Second Coming: Don’t steal the body of a little girl. Take notes, Jesus.


        • List of X says:

          Well, from what I hear about the script, the production would require some serious special effects, thousands of people involved, and locations all around the globe, so it may just be the problem finding the money for the budget.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. As a Canadian, I’d like to point out that as a country we have pledged to help Syrian refugees, not American refugees. We have standards, y’all!

    #sarcasm #beforeigettrolled

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Jim Wheeler says:

    Too bad Peter Sellers is dead. I really liked his style in Being There. He just stood around and looked wise. I’d vote for him.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Here in the UK we have a long tradition of voting for ‘other’ candidates – the Monster Raving Loony Party being the most well known ‘alternative’. Over the years they have put forward policy proposal like:

    ‘Every politician should have to be painted the colour of their party to make it easier to tell them apart.

    ‘We pledge to reduce class sizes by making the pupils sit closer to one another and issuing them with smaller desks.’

    ‘Half the grey squirrel population will be painted red in order to increase the red squirrel population while Fox hunting will be re introduced under the ”one fox – one dog” policy to make it a bit fairer.’

    America, on the other hand, is clearly a basket case!


  7. Go Jules Go says:

    I started watching a documentary last night called “10 Questions for the Dalai Lama.” In order to explain to us ‘Mericans how natives view His Lamawesomeness, they said, “Imagine if you believed the person sitting in the White House was Jesus reincarnated.”

    I think certain candidates this year DO think they’re Jesus reincarnated.

    Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      Except Jesus wasn’t rich or successful at all and didn’t have even one hot wife.
      Although, come to think of it, there is much more real estate out there bearing Jesus’s name than Trump’s name.


  8. The problem is that the more people who vote to make a point… or don’t at all… is that most of those votes get taken away from her… which is sort of like voting for him… if you see what I mean.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Elyse says:

    I’m surprised that Dan Vacek isn’t higher on the list 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Trent Lewin says:

    7 was just hilarious… wouldn’t that be the ultimate birther controversy…

    hey what about the Trent Lewin option? I know the bloke’s Canadian and all, and some people would consider this to be somewhat of the nuclear option, but I have great hair and very interesting socks. Surely that qualifies me for something!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. pegoleg says:

    This list is invaluable for the majority of Americans who are leaning toward the “Hold Your Nose And Vote For The Candidate Who Is Not Him/Her” Party.

    The link to all the other candidates is fascinating. I may not want to vote Pirate, but I bet they have the most fun primaries: lots of rum, peg-leg and parrot optional

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Masp Rehctac says:

    Nice one there, X. I’ve been stalking your stuff for a while, keep it up!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Ankur Mithal says:

    A more permanent solution might be to move to a country, which shall go unnamed, where you will never ever be called upon, required, asked, to ever vote.


    • List of X says:

      I don’t think there are a lot countries where people don’t have to vote – even in counties like Russia and Iran, not only you get called to vote, you also get told exactly for whom to vote for.


  14. Ankur Mithal says:

    Just imagine, if they hadn’t made it to the finals, both Clinton and Trump might have been pretty prominent entries on your list. What a state of affairs!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I love this. I’m saying the same thing. If you don’t want Hillary, fine, go vote for a third party (because cough she’ll probably still get elected) but also because it is a right that roughly 50 percent of our country don’t bother with because what do millions of votes accomplish anyway?

    I think Canada is going to build a wall to prevent us from going over there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      Unfortunately, a certain number of people who plan on voting for a third party candidate only because said candidate is not a Republican or Democrat, not because they really know what that candidate stands for. Take Gary Johnson: he ran in 2012 and got 1%. He is polling at 7-10% now, which means almost all of his prospective voters did not like him back in 2012 but suddenly like him now – and he’s a libertarian, so it’s not like his platform has changed. All that has changed is the major candidates. In other words, most of those who will vote for him will vote for him not because they know him and like him, but because they don’t like either Clinton or Trump.


  16. It’s not that I don’t trust Jesus but why would his parents take a rigorous trip in the ninth month of pregnancy? It all sounds suspicious. Not only am I going to need to see a birth certificate but I’d also like police to take a statement from those stable animals.

    Liked by 2 people

    • List of X says:

      And I am sure they got the birth certificate to state his birthplace as “Bethlehem, PA”, rather than the full “Bethlehem, Palestine”.
      By the way, there were human witnesses – the three wiseguys, who are probably in the police records anyway.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. wpkepkw says:

    If Hitler was still alive and ran for president of the United States I would rather vote for him! Heil Hitler!!!!


  18. I have to say i’m not to fond of both of them but I do think trump is better then Hillary.


  19. Ivanka Trump bikini shots is surely going to give you some extreme feels.. http://tinyurl.com/z829e4w 🙂


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