10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Cancelled The Military Strike On Iran

In a related speech, President Trump had indicated how much he cares that Congress is the only branch of government that is constitutionally allowed to declare wars.
Image source: Quora

Last week, the Iranian military shot down an unmanned American surveillance drone worth $220 million dollars over the Persian Gulf, and a few days earlier, several oil tankers have been attacked in the Gulf. In response, President Trump decisively ordered an airstrike against Iranian military targets, then unexpectedly, but just as decisively, aborted the strike a few minutes later (thus also proving that his pro-abortion cred). Here are 10 reasons why Donald Trump called off the airstrike on Iran.

1)  He thought that by cancelling the strike at the last minute he will finally lock down that elusive Nobel Peace prize.

2)  Trump didn’t want to ruin the relationship with a foreign authoritarian government – what if you need to collude with them later?

3)  His bone spurs started acting up.

4)  Trump chose to punish Iran in a different way, specifically, by firing off multiple nasty tweets in ALL CAPS at them.

5)  Trump changed his mind after he was told that the strike would result in 150 deaths, because Trump is tremendously appreciative of the sanctity of human life, unless it’s a life of some migrant toddler in a border detention camp.

6)  Trump decided that it doesn’t make sense to attack Iran now since we’re going to Mars of which Iran is a part of.

7)  The one-two combination of the attack order and the subsequent cancellation was only meant to be a clever ruse to test the loyalty of his appointees, by forcing them to praise both Trump’s wisdom in ordering the attack, and Trump’s wisdom in calling it off.

8)  Iran isn’t the real enemy. It’s not like they going to try impeach Donald Trump.

9)  Trump had previously ordered strikes in Syria and Somalia, and he’s heard something of some “three strikes and you’re out” rule in the Constitution or somewhere.

10)  It’s really hard to press the correct button on his secret “countries to attack” keyboard with his tiny hands.

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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31 Responses to 10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Cancelled The Military Strike On Iran

  1. Ankur Mithal says:

    No. 2 can be prophetic.


  2. Tippy Gnu says:

    All very likely reasons. And maybe also, he learned that the Ayatollah was good friends with Kim Jong-un, and he didn’t want to upset his pal in NK.


  3. 11. He got confused and attacked Iraq instead.


  4. Steve Ruis says:

    Well, when he “pulled out” of the Paris Accord, that didn’t sound manly to me. Neither does “pulling back” unless, of course, it is on John Bolton leash.


  5. Jim Wheeler says:

    These are excellent, X. I can only think of one other possibility. Some aide suggested that the Secretary of State go to Iran and talk them into a treaty promising them to ease sanctions in return for not developing nukes for 10 years. They could call it the “Trump Treaty.” Has a nice ring to it.


    • List of X says:

      That could be it. And then Trump would argue that since it’s a 10 year treaty named after him, he personally needs to stay in the Oval office for another 10 years to oversee it.


  6. Alice says:

    I hate to admit that I just heard of this because I was too busy watching the Democrats prove how knowledgeable they are on current events in the debate. D’oh. Also, it had nothing to do with sex, so of course the news didn’t report it.


  7. rossmurray1 says:

    I just want a nice summer, is that too much to ask?


  8. Here is another possible explanation:
    When he heard the number 150 as the potential casualties, he said, “Nah… too small.. I will wait for a crowd that is bigger – or more (h)uge”


    • List of X says:

      “We need tremendous, historic casualties. Biggest casualties ever, more than Holocaust! People say Holocaust was the bad guy, but there were some fine people on both sides.”


  9. The Hook says:

    He needs a custom made keyboard that perfectly suits his baby hands.


  10. Because he is a moron?


  11. Trent Lewin says:

    I mean, does he really have tiny hands? I watch him on TV and they appear to be quite normal. Besides, what’s it mean if you have tiny hands? Asking for a friend.


    • List of X says:

      For some reason, he’s very touchy about the size of his hands. And been the subject of a very lively debate between Trump and another Republican primary challenger whether Trump’s small hand size indicates his “down there” is small or “there is absolutely no problem down there”.


      • Trent Lewin says:

        Wow. Of all the things that could be attributed to this famously-large douche-canoe, you’d think he could brush off the small hands stuff. But you could be right, maybe he’s worried about a different part of his anatomy. I’m not entirely sure why anyone would want to be around any of his anatomy, but life’s weird that way.


  12. Pingback: (In light of this is trump running out of room?)10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Cancelled The Military Strike On Iran — List of X – Blog of Staś

  13. LOL! They’re all right! 😀


  14. Jim Wheeler says:

    I wanted to comment on your latest post, February 4, X, but it wouldn’t let me, nor “Like” it either. After thinking about the Iowa reporting problem, I totally approved of your ten assessments. One other possibility, I submit, is that Iowans, desperate to find a new market, may have succeeded in turning ethanol into an alcoholic drink and the precinct leaders are blotto.


    • List of X says:

      I have to apologize for the technical difficulties causing the comment section to unexpectedly get delayed. But it should be out there now, unlike the Iowa’s results. Maybe it really is ethanol, because I definitely did not have any for days.


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