Last week, the Iranian military shot down an unmanned American surveillance drone worth $220 million dollars over the Persian Gulf, and a few days earlier, several oil tankers have been attacked in the Gulf. In response, President Trump decisively ordered an airstrike against Iranian military targets, then unexpectedly, but just as decisively, aborted the strike a few minutes later (thus also proving that his pro-abortion cred). Here are 10 reasons why Donald Trump called off the airstrike on Iran.
1) He thought that by cancelling the strike at the last minute he will finally lock down that elusive Nobel Peace prize.
2) Trump didn’t want to ruin the relationship with a foreign authoritarian government – what if you need to collude with them later?
3) His bone spurs started acting up.
4) Trump chose to punish Iran in a different way, specifically, by firing off multiple nasty tweets in ALL CAPS at them.
5) Trump changed his mind after he was told that the strike would result in 150 deaths, because Trump is tremendously appreciative of the sanctity of human life, unless it’s a life of some migrant toddler in a border detention camp.
6) Trump decided that it doesn’t make sense to attack Iran now since we’re going to Mars of which Iran is a part of.
7) The one-two combination of the attack order and the subsequent cancellation was only meant to be a clever ruse to test the loyalty of his appointees, by forcing them to praise both Trump’s wisdom in ordering the attack, and Trump’s wisdom in calling it off.
8) Iran isn’t the real enemy. It’s not like they going to try impeach Donald Trump.
9) Trump had previously ordered strikes in Syria and Somalia, and he’s heard something of some “three strikes and you’re out” rule in the Constitution or somewhere.
10) It’s really hard to press the correct button on his secret “countries to attack” keyboard with his tiny hands.