Earlier this week, the Duchess of Cambridge (a.k.a. Kate Middleton) gave birth to a baby boy (a.k.a. the Royal Baby), and just yesterday, the happy royal parents finally came up with the name for the boy: George Alexander Louis. The birth of the Royal Baby generated worldwide excitement and reactions ranging from “Awwww…” to “Zzzzzzz…”. Here are 10 other reactions to the birth of the baby prince.
1) National Security Agency: Since the birth of a potential King is a matter of national importance, we have been closely following the story from the very beginning. Our top security experts have spent countless hours studying the surveillance video footage of the baby’s conception.
2) Duncan Larcombe, The Sun newspaper correspondent: This baby is amazing! Baby George may only be a few days old, but after spending 20 minutes with tabloid reporters, he is already able to say “No comment.”
3) Terry O’Neill, president of the National Organization for Women: It’s a sad sign for all the women worldwide, when even a rich and powerful woman like Duchess of Cambridge doesn’t have access to contraception.
4) Prince William, Royal Baby’s father: Sorry it took us a while to decide on the name for the baby – this whole ordeal has caught us off guard. The thing is, we haven’t read the tabloids for years, so we didn’t even know that Kate was pregnant.
5) Duchess of Cambridge, Royal Baby’s mother: I’m really excited about becoming a mother, and I’m happy that Will and I have finally agreed on George Alexander Louis as the baby’s name. Now we just need to decide on his middle name.
6) Newt Gingrich, anti-welfare crusader: This story is just one more outrageous example of an unemployed couple living off the taxpayers’ dime and plopping out another moocher baby!
7) Kim Jong Un, Supreme Leader of North Korea: All the positive publicity has inspired me and my wife to have a baby to improve the public image of North Korea. I have ordered the military to redirect all of the country’s resources into the national baby-making program.
8) United Nations Security Council: We will impose sanctions on North Korea, unless the Kim Jong Un grants UN inspectors access to the country’s baby-making facilities and proves that North Korea’s baby-making program is intended for peaceful purposes.
9) David Vienna, parenting expert: According to my “Calm The F*** Down” parenting method, every parent should just Calm The F*** Down. And since you aren’t even the parent of the Royal Baby and yet still somehow excited about his birth – you definitely need to Calm. The. F***. Down!
10) Elizabeth II, Queen of England: Just bloody great, another bugger itching to sit on my throne…