Last week, Congress failed to extend the long-term unemployment benefits, and as a result, 1.3 million people have lost their unemployment benefits on December 28. By the end of 2014, this number is expected to grow to 5 million. The major news networks haven’t been paying much attention to this story, possibly because they don’t think this law affect anyone worth mentioning. However, the media should really start paying attention, because there are many famous people who had lost their jobs in the past year and will likely be unemployed for a very, very long time. Here are 10 celebrities who lost their jobs in 2013 and may lose their unemployment benefits as well.
1) Sarah Palin, fired from Fox News: considering that her only marketable job skill was being able to proclaim incoherent rambling nonsense at will, she made a job-killing mistake by providing exactly the same service on her Facebook and Twitter accounts for free.
2) UPS executive in charge of holiday season shipping: fired when thousands of UPS customers did not get their guaranteed deliveries by Christmas. UPS has already sent a pink slip to the executive, but there is no word on when it will ever arrive.
3) Justin Bieber: Now that he announced his retirement from music, he’ll be just another unemployed teen with a lot of attitude and barely a school diploma. (Update: Justin is now saying that his announcement was a joke, which indicates that he’s not going make it as a comedian either.)
4) Mitt Romney: Failed to get a job at his last serious interview in November 2012: a black guy got the job instead, undoubtedly because of the affirmative action. Romney tried to leverage his flip-flopping skills into flipping burgers, but he flipped them so fast that the meat patties barely touched the grill and never warmed up.
5) Miley Cyrus’s plastic surgeon: In early 2013 he attempted a tongue reconstruction surgery to keep Ms. Cyrus’ tongue from falling out of her mouth every five second. However, as Miley’s famous Video Music Awards performance made it painfully clear, the procedure was a dismal failure. Not only that, but the side effects from the sedative used during the surgery still cause Ms. Cyrus to break into uncontrollable twerking fits.
6) The guy who hired Edward Snowden to work for the NSA: At least he was able to keep his own name secret – but that’s pretty much the only piece of information with which he entrusted Snowden, that still hasn’t been leaked out yet.
7) Phil Robertson’s PR agent: fired for constantly reminding the Duck Dynasty star to keep his gay-bashing and racist opinions to himself, when doing just the opposite turned out to be the best thing ever for the show’s merchandise. (Mr. Robertson was also disappointed to learn that “PR” on his agent’s business card stands for “Public Relations”, not “Phil Robertson”.)
8) Chief technology executive behind the Obamacare website: The good news is that he no longer needs to have a job to obtain affordable health insurance. The bad news is that he is still trying to log into the website where he is supposed to file for unemployment.
9) Anthony Weiner: After his failure as a politician, he tried out for career as a porn star, but was fired when it turned out he couldn’t fulfill any of the promises he made during his sexting campaign.
10) Pope Benedict: It’s never a good idea to tell your employer to take this job and shove it, but it’s hundred times worse if your employer is God himself.
Have a Happy New Year!