This Friday was the day of “Operation American Spring” – a Tea Party rally held simultaneously in Washington and in Nevada to rail against Obama’s tyranny. Of course, yet another Tea Party rally would have been completely unremarkable, had it not been for the fact that event organizers’ promised to bring out 10 to 30 million American patriots, force President Barack Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, Attorney General Eric Holder, and congressional leaders of both parties to resign from office, all the while non-violently fighting against Obama’s ferocious drone attacks. The actual attendance for the rally, however, was only around a hundred people, no government official actually resigned – the patriots celebrated when they saw Vice President Joe Biden leaving White House, but it turned out that he was just getting lunch. There wasn’t even a single drone attack – all of which marked the event as a dismal failure. Here are 10 reasons why most of the promised 10 to 30 million people never made it to the event.
1) 4,253,203 people thought that clicking “Will Attend” on the Facebook event counts as physically attending the actual event.
2) 672,186 people stayed home because spring is allergy season and they have a severe drone attack allergy.
3) The event organizers were counting on 666,666 liberals to attend the event to mock the participants of the rally. Unfortunately, the modern technology has given liberals the flexibility of mocking from home.
4) Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Eric Holder, John Boehner, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, and Mitch McConnell all said that they couldn’t come to the rally because they have to wash their hair.
5) 129,671 people couldn’t decide between attending the event in Washington or Nevada, so they stayed at home watching Duck Dynasty.
6) 398,810 people suspected that a rally where they would have to show up unarmed is just a sneaky Obama’s trick to get them out of their houses and quietly confiscate their guns while they’re out.
7) 1,599,582 people were truly planning to come out and bravely face the imminent wrath of Predator drones and ruthless jack-booted thugs defending Obama’s tyranny, but stayed home because it was raining on the morning of the rally.
8) 2,122,613 people estimated that the traffic caused by 10 million patriots driving into Washington on the same day would be dreadful (patriots don’t use mass transit because it’s socialist), and no one would probably notice if they didn’t go.
9) 157,024 people were recovering from an apoplectic heart attack caused by the realization that Barack Obama is STILL president!!!
10) 138 of the Tea Party patriots actually had a job to go to on a Friday.
Do YOU have an excuse?