In recent weeks, sectarian violence in Iraq had escalated into a full-scale civil war, with Sunni extremist organization ISIS fighting the forces of the Iraqi government, and taking control of the large part of the country. This development brought forward dozens of current and former politicians who in 2003 had passionately advocated for invasion of Iraq, and finally got their golden opportunity to blame Barack Obama for it, as well as for the thousand-year-old Shia-Sunni conflict. Even the former Vice President Dick Cheney who was the main architect of the invasion, came out of hiding at his undisclosed location to criticize Obama for losing the war. Just to remind you, this is Dick “We will be greeted as liberators”, “Saddam Hussein is buddies with Al Qaeda”, “Iraq has weapons of mass destruction”, “It will be a quick war” Cheney, so generously speaking, not the best expert on Iraq. Here are 10 people who would be better experts on Iraq than Dick Cheney.
1) Kim Kardashian: This TV star’s 72-day-long first marriage proves that she is able to set an exit strategy and quickly cut her losses when she sees that things aren’t working.
2) Kanye West: By naming his and Kim’s daughter North, Kanye accurately predicted which exactly part of Iraq would become a hotbed of sectarian violence.
3) LeBron James: This Miami Heat superstar is objective enough to recognize that NBA Finals that went to San Antonio Spurs with the score of 4 to 1 did not constitute a Miami Heat victory.
4) Justin Bieber: He may be guilty of various crimes, including crimes against humanity (also known as “Justin Bieber’s music”), but he at least knows better to stay away from Iraq during his tours.
5) Bashar al-Assad, dictator: He might be a heartless power-hungry sociopath (or, in other words, Syria’s Dick Cheney), but at least when Assad is talking about weapons of mass destruction, he’s probably not lying.
6) Entire cast of Jersey Shore reality TV show: Unlike Cheney, these beach addicts know a thing or two about the sandy terrain and blistering sun.
7) Dr. Mehmet Oz: He may have pushed questionable solutions to enrich himself, but at least he did not try to justify his schemes as national security interests.
8) Miss Manners: This etiquette expert can tell you that bombing and shelling a country you are visiting is a sign of boorishness and impoliteness, and is unbecoming of a civilized country.
9) Miley Cyrus: Just 15 seconds of any music video of hers is enough to make Shias and Sunnis bridge their differences and agree that all they want to do is to make this stop.
10) Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: Having adopted several children from different countries, this couple has experience in building successful international coalition.
Since there are approximately 7 billion other people who are more qualified to give expert advice on Iraq and Sunni-Shia conflict, please feel free to suggest your experts.