10 Reactions To Charlie Hebdo Terror Attack

This Islamic prophet asked to remain anonymous, ashamed of the things that radicals do in his name. Original image source:  Jyllands-Posten

This Islamic prophet had asked to remain anonymous, ashamed of the horrible things that radicals do in his name.
Original image source: Jyllands-Posten

Last week, a couple of Islamic extremists attacked the headquarters of French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo and killed 12 people in retaliation for publishing cartoons mocking prophet Muhammad – because Islamic teachings prohibits any images of Muhammad, and every person on Earth, Muslim or not, is apparently, expected to follow this rule. Few recent terrorist attacks have been as high-profile and as controversial as this one, and here are 10 of the reactions to the attack on Charlie Hebdo magazine.

1)  Rush Limbaugh, amateur Islamologist: All Muslims must apologize for this heinous act! Just follow the lead of Barack Obama – he’s obviously a Muslim and he goes on apology tours all the time!

2)  Anjem Choudary, Muslim cleric: Once again, the West must keep in mind that Islam is a religion of peace. Which means that unless you accept Islam, don’t expect any peace, either.

3) National Rifle Association: This wouldn’t have happened if everyone had been armed. The good guy with a gun can stop a bad guy with a gun. The right to own a gun and defend yourself is a sacred right of every American. Ermmm… sorry, what were you asking about?

4) CNN: Our organization made a decision that re-publishing Charlie Hebdo’s cartoons of prophet Muhammad is not consistent with our journalistic standards. Our journalistic standards require that we don’t offend anyone with our reporting, so from now on CNN will only be publishing pictures of kittens and puppies.

5) Prophet Muhammad: Oh yeah, absolutely, any image of me is a big no-no. I’m telling ya, even my iPhone wouldn’t even let me take a selfie!

6) Ayatollah Khamenei, Islamic leader of Iran: This is all the fault of Western cartoonists who defame our beloved Prophet. Why don’t moderate Western cartoonists stand up and denounce the actions of the radical cartoonists?

7) Philippe Perron, director of France’s Prison Administration: We’re a little upset that the terrorists who attacked Charlie Hebdo weren’t captured alive, because we had already prepared a perfect lockup to hold them – a cell in which every wall is covered with cartoons of prophet Muhammad.

8) Fox News: Why didn’t Barack Obama show up at a Paris rally supporting Charlie Hebdo? Why hasn’t he ordered to bomb France as soon as he heard that Charlie Hebdo is under attack? Why did it take him a whole of fifteen minutes to call this attack an act of terror?? What is he hiding? And most importantly, why hasn’t Obama resigned over his role in this attack yet????

9) Pope Francis: People cannot insult the faith of others! And because Islamic faith finds images of any prophet offensive, I’ve asked all churches to take down all images of Jesus, Moses, Abraham, and anyone else Muslims might someday find insulting.

10)  Ben Affleck, actor and Islamophobia-phobe: These terrorists are not representative of Islam at all! 99.99% of Muslims are peaceful, and millions of them are probably showing up all over the Middle East to protest against the Charlie Hebdo murders done in the name of Islam… wait, no one showed up?  See, that just means these peaceful Muslims are so peaceful that they abhor any kind of confrontation, even one as innocent as a protest!

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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65 Responses to 10 Reactions To Charlie Hebdo Terror Attack

  1. aqilaqamar says:

    You should read more about this. There were many Muslim country leaders present in that rally. There were a lot of notable Muslim leaders that condemned that attack openly and wrote various articles about it. Guardian also wrote a detailed piece about the perpretrators about how this also came about due to deslusionment, poverty and many other elements. You should also know that Charlie Hebdo critiqued a lot of major policies in their own country and supported Gaza and spoke up for the Muslim population in France who are very marginalised. Charlie Hebdo is very anti-religious in general that means all religions. Many people from many different channels have talked about this both Islamic and non-Islamic. Muslim Clerics in France also asked French government immediately to help shut down extremist sites so that these things do not happen again. Just because mainstream media outlets focus on some things and not others doesn’t mean a lot of things aren’t going on. Just like how FBI is investigating a domestic terrorist attack that happened at the same time in US by a non-Islamic person on a African-American center and how in Nigeria many people also died from Boko Harem who kill anybody Muslim or non-Muslim who go against what they want. That’s because they are terrorists and terrorism is found everywhere and uses extreme understandings of doctrines to further their own selfish desires. If any religion was so violent and non-tolerable then it wouldnt also harmoniously exist with so many others for so long. We see evidence of that in many places both present and past.

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    • List of X says:

      And I did read a lot about this. I know there were several Muslim leaders who came to the Paris rally, from Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Palestinian Autonomy; I know there were Muslim leaders and organizations that condemned the attacks, and there was even a mass Muslim protest in Germany against the attacks – but just for my own education, I searched and I couldn’t find any story about a similar protest anywhere in a Muslim-majority country. (If there were, please let me know – it’d be great news if that were the case). There were, however, mass protests against this week’s Charlie Hebdo cover featuring Mohammed, with the usual “hang them all” and “kill them all” all over again. It’s almost like these people aren’t really upset about that Charlie Hebdo attack.
      And I am aware that Islamic terrorism isn’t the only type of terrorism, and that most victims of Islamic terrorists are other Muslims, and that Charlie Hebdo wasn’t even the only terrorist attack in Paris that week (Kosher market attack), much less in the world (Nigeria) – there are volumes and volumes on the subject of terrorism, Islam, all kinds of radicals, but there is only so much I can put in a list of 10 items while still trying to keep it entertaining.

      Liked by 1 person

      • aqilaqamar says:

        Well, when do you try to keep it “entertaining” as you put it you must also mention some of the those things that you have read. Charlie Hebdo has its own internal problems that has also been bubbling now more on the surface due to such attacks that is making many members not liking much coverage in the rally or for this and that is mainly because they believe their principles are being worn down by right-wing agenda as they are on that far left spectrum.

        Also, many Muslim countries and many other non-European countries had their own problems at the start of the year so they were busy also facing deaths and attacks by their own domestic politics and people so they might not have the time to rally support as extensively. I do think that even in many other places the support has been via either participation in the rally in France and/or global net writing and updating. This is because this is the way everyone is showing support and discussing.

        As aforementioned, there have been a lot of things going on this week and about the people with the slogans against the recent cartoon there are many reasons for that as well (Charlie Hebdo itself is under transformation within its own ranks as I said things going on internally with them) such as poverty, lack of education and marginalisation. But many Muslim people have decided to go through the “Je suis Charlie” or ” Je suis Jew” banner for both incidents or at least got very angry and talked about the situations not at all feeling that the actions were right.

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        • ddupre315 says:

          This is List of X’s blog, there is nothing that needs to be added or retracted from this post, unless the author deems it so. That is the essence of blogging. I think most people reading this list understand it is created with an air of amusement not in the context of presenting news.

          Liked by 1 person

          • aqilaqamar says:

            We wete just discussing. There was no negativity involved. The comments pages should have good discussions. And List of X was nice enough to discuss with me so I am glad we talked.

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            • ddupre315 says:

              I agree it was a good discussion but when you said this: “Well, when do you try to keep it “entertaining” as you put it you must also mention some of the those things that you have read. ” It sounded very much like you were telling X how to write the blog.

              Just an observation.

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              • aqilaqamar says:

                Yes and then as I said we resolved this. And if I suggest something or say something List of X can respond and he did. There was nothing wrong in saying that. I wanted to understand List of X so we had a long discussion. And you observed and I responded before. No need for subtle annoyance which I am somewhat sensing. I didn’t tell him not to write this or that or how to write I merely wanted to understand. If I am wrong about the “subtle annoyance” then you can say so because on type text people can have miscommunications that is a flaw of type text even on very simple levels because you are not hearing a voice or feeling body language. When people discuss or want to understand something they do ask also if someone writes something even satire they are obviously open to those sort of questions as long as they are politely asked. So, me and List of X discussed stuff and got it out of the way. Blogging is usually a two way street as in you engage with an audience so I engaged and he was okay with it. I also thought he wasn’t aware of something so I asked if he was. That;s why we had a discussion. It is basic conversation.

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              • aqilaqamar says:

                Also I am glad we talked too because if we do not talk we won’t get to know. I am glad that we are beginning to understand each others’ comments. Talking even critically is a good avenue to begin any sort of social thing and I am glad you questioned me too 🙂

                Liked by 1 person

        • List of X says:

          I think you’re confusing “entertaining” and “educational”. You can only pack so much new information in a post to keep it entertaining, before it turns into educational. Now, I don’t mind educational, and we can get as educational as we want in the comments, but I feel like you might be asking me to thoroughly discuss every story pertaining to Islam, violence, and Charlie Hebdo for the last few months at the least in a single post, and that’s just physically impossible. If it were, I could easily put all of world’s news media out of business.
          But let’s talk about the protest against Charlie Hebdo attack, because I really don’t feel like I get all the information here: I know there were thousands Muslims in France and Germany who marched to support CH after the attacks, there surely thousands of people in Middle East and the rest of the Muslim world expressing their support online, and there might be a few people who flew to France to support CH at the rally, besides the politicians – but certainly not many, since it’s not exactly cheap to buy international plane tickets on a moments notice. There were public protests against the latest CH Mohammad cover (pretty bland one) or celebrate the attackers in Algeria, Syria, Turkey, Pakistan, Philippines, and Niger, as far as I know. But were there public protests against the attack on Charlie Hebdo – not supporting the CH’s cartoons, obviously, but just showing the same support to those victims of these murders that people were showing in Germany and France? I keep googling the news stories and all I find is more and more on protests against CH.

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          • aqilaqamar says:

            I understand better now about your post. Thank you very much for illustrating your opinions and taking the time to do so. I dont have unfortunately at this moment any new info to add additionally. Thanks for discussing with me 🙂

            Like

  2. bernquist says:

    Haha good stuff. Love the CNN response. And Affleck.

    Like

  3. Paul says:

    Oh, X. You sure won’t get any disagreement in America, or France for that matter. That being said, you are also a citizen of Earth, and right off the top, I know more than a billion people who will ask : Why would anyone want to publish material that made a mockery of and denigrated the beliefs of another? On an individual basis, harrassment and bullying are both chargeable offences – why shouldn’t they be on a cultural basis as well? That is not to reduce the abhorrence of the actions of the terrorists. They, and any like them, who choose to cause harm or death to others for religious purposes should be executed (even though, in general, I don’t agree with capital punishment). Basically, they are killing as an extreme form of bullying and harrassment. Which once again points out that bullying actions are abhorrent, whether they be individual or cultural.

    All that being said, X, I laughed out loud at some of the reactions you describe in your post – the NRA response, the Ayatollah, and Fox News. Knee jerk reactions for sure. And I have to say that #7 sounds about right.

    Interesting post X, and even though I do disagree with some of it, it certainly does stir up discussion.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Paul, actually, I make fun of people’s beliefs all the time – beliefs that more guns make the world safer, that less regulation makes everything better, that Agent 007 is supposed to be white, that all scientists are in on a huge conspiracy out to get you with global warming or vaccines, and so on, and so on. Not all beliefs are equal, but none should get full pass just because a certain number of people believes it to be true. (That’s my belief, and you’re welcome to mock it at any time).
      And I will argue that what Charlie Hebdo – and anyone publishing Mohammed cartoons – do, does not constitute bullying or harassment. An image of Mohammad does not physically hurt or threaten to hurt any single follower of Islam – unlike, say, the protests against these very images. It does not specifically target Muslim audience, like, say, posting offensive Mohammad cartoons on every door in Mecca every morning, and CH does not single out Mohammad as the main target of their mockery. It’s offensive to Muslims because any depiction of Mohammed is banned in Islam, so even a non-offensive in itself picture is still offensive – to see that, look up the news stories about Muslim protests against latest Charlie Hebdo Mohammed cover.
      But when you don’t subscribe to a religion or a philosophy, you are under no obligation to live by its rules. You could choose to do the polite thing and accommodate, but this won’t be the only thing that Muslims (and other religions or philosophies) find offensive. Vegetarians probably find offensive when other people eat meat, conservatives find offensive gay marriages, Orthodox Jews find offensive having to sit next to women, and Muslim find offensive…well, a lot. Un-veiled women, pictures of any biblical prophets, secular education, and did you know that ISIS just executed several people for un-Islamic crime of pigeon breeding? You’re just not going to make everyone happy no matter how hard you try.
      It’s perfectly fine to hold whatever beliefs you like, but demanding that other people adhere to your beliefs, especially under the threat of death – that’s bullying and harassment.

      Like

      • Paul says:

        That would suggest then X that making peace with Muslims is not possible. That by the very fundamental beliefs that they hold, we cannot co-exist. Either all Muslims must go or we must go. Is that really the way you feel? I’m not being facetious here, truly i would like to know. A part of how I develop opinions is by asking myself what needs to be done so that all can co-exist. peacefully. In some extreme cases – for instance terrorism – i do not belief that co-exstence is possible and hence termination is all that is left. It is obvious from their tactics of killing innocents, that i cannot just walk away and distance myslef.I am involved whether I choose to be or not because they make me involved. If i cannot come to terms with Muslims so that we can co-exist peacefully, then there is only one other option. Any Thoughts?

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        • List of X says:

          Muslims aren’t all exactly the same. It is possible to make peace and coexist with those who can and will accept the fact that your beliefs and may be completely different from theirs and you are under no obligation to follow their most sacred laws – and in return, I can and will accept their beliefs – and if they live in a secular country, live by the country’s secular laws. It’s a delicate balance keeping one set of values on the inside and adhering to another on the outside, but it’s not really different from what I would expect from anyone else living in a democratic country – myself included.
          But it’s not possible to make peace with every single Muslim, because there is a minority that will not willingly accept any laws or norms but Sharia law, and it contains a smaller minority which is willing to kill and die for their faith. Since the latter group doesn’t see co-existence as a goal worth striving for, you’re just not going to co-exist with them. I honestly don’t know what a solution could be, but considering that the West already offers a somewhat – only somewhat, but still – functioning model of co-existence that already includes Muslims, Christians, Jews, Buddhists, atheists, satanists, and everyone else without as much sectarian violence or single-religion domination, I’d say it’s less up to the West to come up with a solution than it is up to Islam.

          Like

  4. rossmurray1 says:

    All joking aside, this captures the complexity of the issue better than a lot of other stuff I’ve read.

    Like

  5. Haters gonna hate, cartoonists gonna draw, commenters gonna comment, terrorists gonna terrorize…

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  6. Hippie Cahier, a certified Nobody opining from her armchair:On the same day as the Charlie Hebdo attack, about 30 police recruits in Yemen, who were training to protect their citizens from AQAP and other thugs, were killed, and over 60 others injured, along with some civilians. It barely made news and no world leaders marched through their town in solidarity.

    I have long suspected CNN is not far from a 24-hour kitten video cycle. And now it has been confirmed. I laughed. Agreed with Ross’s comment.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      You’re right, I haven’t even heard about that. And in another little-covered story but one I actually heard about, there were hundreds of people killed by Boko Haram in just one attack in Nigeria. And while I realize that these stories don’t make the news largely because they’re perceived by our media to be about “them” and not “us”, and therefore less newsworthy, in some sense hese stories are not as newsworthy because these kinds of attacks are nothing new now. But Charlie Hebdo – that’s “us”, (even for the media itself it’s about “us”!), that’s new – just notice how much more attention Charlie Hebdo got compared to the attack on a Kosher market the next day. (By the way, every time I saw the market’s name, Hyper Cacher, it kept defaulting in my brain to Hippie Cahier)

      Like

  7. Steve Ruis says:

    Hey, I find Fox (sic) News offensive. Can we get it taken off the air?

    Like

  8. Sherry says:

    can’t say as I agree with all, but it certainly engenders more discussion and that’s a good thing.

    Like

  9. Jim Wheeler says:

    11) Mitt Romney, indefatigable Mormon and management star: I predicted this sort of thing. It’s a sure sign that France has its own 47% who have nothing better to do than quarrel over cartoons because they are lazy and unemployed because they want to be. This is where America is headed unless we elect as president someone who understands this stuff. (Ahem. I’m not doing much at the moment. 😉 )

    Like

  10. Jae says:

    As a fanatical supporter of Romney stated this week: If Romney were President “there wouldn’t be an ISIS at all, and Putin would know his place in life. Domestically, things would be in better shape.” — According to FoxNews, it’s all Obama’s fault.

    Like

  11. john zande says:

    Why don’t moderate Western cartoonists stand up and denounce the actions of the radical cartoonists?

    B’wahahahaha! 🙂

    Like

  12. As you always do, you cut to the meat of the issue without leaving anyone out. Perfect. ❤

    Like

  13. Elyse says:

    Do warn CNN, X, that puppies and kittens can get pretty damn nasty.

    Like

  14. EagleAye says:

    Dude, positively brilliant I love them all, and all are spot on. I think my favorite item this time around is the caption beneath the caricature of Muhammed. Absolutely perfect. I loved it.

    Like

  15. You are playing with fire by quoting Prophet Muhammad! That guy does NOT have a sense of humor.

    You can laugh at your Fox News reaction but I actually saw a story on their website that said his “soft stance” on terror has emboldened fanatics. They indirectly blamed him. It’s a wonder that network is as popular as it is.

    It got all serious and whatnot up at the top of the comment section. If I want serious, I’ll go to Fox News. I come here to have my tits tickled.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      I apologize for the seriousness of the comments. I can’t tag them as satire, so seriousness just tends to slip through the cracks (pun intended).
      And if you really want to see serious, you should see me at work.

      As for Fox, I think their definition of “soft stance” is anything short of thoroughly nuking the entire area between Indonesia and Morocco. I can see how that could embolden the fanatics.

      Like

  16. Ankur Mithal says:

    I wonder how they know when a picture of the Prophet has been published? Is it because nobody has ever seen a picture because it is banned? And, if nobody knows what he looked like, even Hillary Clinton’s picture could be misunderstood for that of the Prophet.

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  17. some of your best work ever… especially numbers 6 and 10… I was already planning on doing a post about this today… but I don’t have a hook yet… maybe just a discussion.

    Like

  18. Gibber says:

    The selfie one made me laugh!

    Like

  19. pegoleg says:

    This is wonderful. You made sure to offend everybody in this post, and that kind of inclusiveness is what makes America great. 😉

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Thank you! Unfortunately, I only wish I could offend everyone in one post – but if I had, I’d probably have nothing more to write about. So I have stashed a list of people yet to be offended.

      Like

  20. aFrankAngle says:

    For me, I’m taking the list for what it is …. satire! Well done … but Rushbo was such a great start, it was hard to beat the windbag of goo.

    Like

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