10 Reasons Why Mitt Romney Is Running For President. Again

Mitt Romney's 2016 campaign logo.

Mitt Romney’s 2016 campaign logo.

The 2016 election campaign has unofficially began, and several prominent politicians have been strongly hinting that they are going to run for president in 2016. Surprisingly, one of the people who decisively kicked of the “I’m-thinking-about-considering-the-launch-of-the-exploratory-process-of-starting-the-research-committee-to-evaluate-the-possibility-of-potential-involvement-in-a-presidential-run” game was the 2012 presidential contender Mitt Romney, one-term governor of Massachusetts and a lifelong one-percenter. This would be Romney’s third attempt, and he is planning to make poverty the focus of his campaign. Here are 10 reasons why Mitt Romney is running for president again.

1)  Retirement is boring, and there doesn’t seem to be anything good on Netflix.

2)  Mitt’s wife Ann had already bought some really nice curtains for the Oval Office in 2012, and it would be a shame to waste them.

3)  Romney’s chances are much better in 2016 because unlike the last time, practically no one will vote for Barack Obama in 2016.

4)  According to Fox News, it’s only because Romney didn’t become president that ISIS even exists, and if Romney were to run the country, ISIS would instantly disappear. If you don’t believe me, consider this: today Mitt Romney owns five or six houses, and there’s no ISIS in any of them.

5)  Romney’s campaign theme of poverty reflects the fact that his own wealth dipped and a $400,000 presidential salary could really come in handy when paying off five different mortgages.

6)  Mitt Romney would do all he can to help oil and coal companies and other CO2 producers, and right now, in the middle winter, global warming is starting to sounds like a pretty good idea.

7)  His frequent flyer miles will expire unless he flies 1,000,000 miles by November 2016.

8)  Compared to other campaign favorites Hillary Clinton (wife of president Bill Clinton) and Jeb Bush (brother of president George W. Bush), Mitt Romney does seem like a fresh new face.

9)  Having already run multiple presidential campaign gave Mitt useful campaigning experience which will be even more valuable in 2016 – and even more valuable in 2020, 2024, 2028, 2032, 2036, and any future elections.

10)  During his campaign, Mitt Romney promised to bring unemployment rate to 6% by 2016. If he managed to bring it down to 5.6% today while not even being elected, imagine how much further he could lower the unemployment rate if he were elected?

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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52 Responses to 10 Reasons Why Mitt Romney Is Running For President. Again

  1. Paul says:

    Very funny post X. I pity the poor if Mitt (and what kind of name is that? I picture a catcher’s glove every time I hear it) gets in. I fact, as a Canadian, I pity every one if he gets in. In fact I pity Mitt if he gets in – at least he’ll have nice curtains.

    Like

  2. Maybe he figures that since the country has been able to accept a president named “Barrack”, that they’re finally ready for one named “Mitt”. By this logic, it may be just a matter of time before there’s a candidate named “Kanye”.

    Like

  3. I keep hearing the President say ‘I know I won both of them’.

    😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. john zande says:

    Brilliant, but you missed the obvious: fulfilling the Mormon White Horse Prophecy.

    Like

  5. The decline of Netflix is killing this country.

    Like

  6. mhasegawa says:

    #1 is probably the right answer although having retired and owning one house to work on keeps me busy. He has 4 (maybe 5) so he has no excuse.

    Like

  7. Amaya says:

    Number 8, for real. Funny stuff, X, as usual.

    Like

  8. Carrie Rubin says:

    I’m pretty sure it’s #7. He’s a very practical guy.

    Like

  9. Picking Door #8…because I already know what’s behind it…

    Like

  10. Jae says:

    I think it’s a great idea for Romney to run. Just think of it as an exercise in the redistribution of wealth – money for all those printers and ad executives in the middle class.

    Like

  11. rossmurray1 says:

    Yeah, #8 made me smile hard.

    Like

  12. HA! Make fun all you want… this election is going to be awesome… watching them try to pick the least insane candidate… with the fewest skeletons in their closet… while they try not to be videoed doing or saying anything stupid.

    Like

  13. Elyse says:

    #11 — Mitt has not yet been able to outsource the workers in the federal government …

    Oh, please, Mitt. Please. Ditch Ann first though. I don’t think I can handle 1-1/2 years of Ann.

    Like

  14. NotAPunkRocker says:

    He wants to have the phrase “I’m Smitten with Mitten!” go viral, even if that isn’t his damn name.

    Like

  15. The Cutter says:

    Poor Mitt. The guy just wants to be president so stinking much. It almost breaks your heart.

    Like

  16. Steve Ruis says:

    I have to share that a frisson of pleasure ran through me when I say the email note of this post. I laughed out loud at #1 and it built from there. Unlike butter and like fine wine, you are getting better with time!

    Like

  17. The Romney White House aspirations all emanate from his wife. I’m serious. She’s got delusions of grandeur about being First Lady. Mitt couldn’t care less.

    Can you believe we’re faced with another Clinton and Bush? And people say the U.S. isn’t a monarchy.

    Like

  18. aFrankAngle says:

    Tough to decide between #4 and #10. Meanwhile, oh yes … the one who elegantly spoke about the 47% of freeloaders is the perfect spokesperson to attack poverty.

    Like

  19. Jim Wheeler says:

    Excellent, just excellent, all ten of them.

    After the GOP debacle-circus of 2012 I was fearing that Reince Priebus (no, not the disease, the guy) and his minions would so diminish the primaries that the electorate would be forced to choose based mainly on who had the best slogans and posters, but it turns out I need’n’t have worried. They are coming out of the woodwork in fine fashion. I would like to see Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain back too, but hey, you can’t have it all. I was delighted to see that even Sarah Palin is considering publicly whether to throw her bear-skin cap in the ring now. C’mon X, can you come up with an equally-spicy list for her?

    Who needs late-night TV? This next two years is going to be delicious!

    Like

  20. Trent Lewin says:

    Oh my gosh… not this guy again. Don’t you guys have any interesting politicians out there? I know that fool Obama can’t do anything write, and everyone kind of hates him, but my granny’s puss-filled gout is more interesting than that Romney guy. Or is he some kind of horror movie villain, keeps coming back even after everyone’s stuck him through with sharp objects and pretty much castrated him. Romney. He has no balls.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      We do have interesting politicians, Trent. You just wait till the campaigning starts later this year, and all kinds of crazies will come out of the woodwork. And Romney isn’t that bad – in “interesting politician” sense, mainly: he’s like this most presidential looking candidate and model businessman in decades, but as you peel off the layers, there’s all kinds of fun stuff – the 47%, dressage horses, offshore trusts, outsourcing (which Romney kept referring to as “job creation”), self-made businessman (where “self-made” meant “selling some stocks his dad gave him to support himself”). And then there’s the small stuff like “binders full of women” and a dog on the roof.
      Of course, if we’re comparing Romney to someone like Rob Ford, that would make Romney seem thoroughly bland in comparison.

      Like

  21. Pingback: Income Inequality: Robert Reich Gives A Reality Check to the GOP | Crippled Politics

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