Sarah Palin has finally made an official announcement that she will not be running for President in 2012, although she may still secretly be hoping to pick up a Vice Presidential nomination to pair up with another sufficiently old and unhealthy candidate. So imagining for a minute that Sarah did run and did win the 2012 elections, these would be the things she would have done as the President of the United States.
1. Quit the job after 2 years to concentrate on her family. The concentration on her family would involve Fox News, Dancing With The Stars, going on book tours, and starring in a C-SPAN reality show “Sara Palin‘s White House”.
2. Install a telescope so she would not only see Russia from her house, but also see what Vladimir Putin is up to. Then put up some nice American flag curtains so that Putin could not spy back on her.
3. Make peace in the Middle East. You know, that part of the coast between Northeast and Southeast.
4. Close Harvard, Yale and Stanford as elitist institutions, and refudiate correct spelling as another burdensome regulation.
5. Claim that the actions of the previous administration had made it impossible for her to locate and kill Osama bin Laden.
6. Order an assassination of Levi Johnston (the former future husband of her daughter) instead.
7. Raise the debt ceiling, because it is only a bad thing when a Democratic President tries to do it.
8. Remove the White House solar panels, drill the White House floor for oil, and raze Michelle Obama’s vegetable garden as symbolizing the government interference into people’s eating habits, and plant hamburgers and french fries there instead.
9. To demonstrate her commitment to reducing the government and promoting individual freedom, order that all nuclear weapons are distributed to ordinary American citizens, because each person should have a nuclear weapon and make their own personal decision on who and when to nuke.
10. Ask Congress to repeal the law of gravity because it creates an unbearably heavy burden on small and large American businesses.
Oh well. At least the fact that she had decided not to run finally shows that she is actually capable of making wise and pragmatic decisions worthy of president. But do not worry about the list above going to waste. President Bachman or Perry could still get a lot of it done.