10 Reactions To Benjamin Netanyahu’s Speech In Congress

President Barack Obama has refused to listen to Benjamin Netanyahu's speech.

President Barack Obama has refused to listen to Benjamin Netanyahu’s speech.

This Tuesday, the Prime Minister of Israel, Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu, made a speech in front of the joint session of Congress criticizing the proposed deal between the United States, Europe, Russia, China, and Iran that is supposed to stop Iran from developing nuclear weapons. The speech became controversial when it was revealed that the Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner invited Netanyahu without even telling the White House about it. Dozens of Democratic lawmakers have boycotted the speech, Barack Obama refused to meet with Netanyahu, and reprimanded him for undermining American diplomatic efforts – and all of that was before the speech even happened. So here are 10 reactions after Netanyahu’s speech.

1)  John Boehner, Speaker of the House: “Criticizing Obama is hard work, and we were happy to outsource it to a foreign worker.”

2)  Isaac Herzog, Netanyahu’s challenger in the Israeli elections: “Since the United States is experiencing an unusually cold winter, we figured you could use some extra hot air.”

3)  Josh Earnest, White House Press Secretary: “According to the White House policy, Barack Obama doesn’t meet with any foreign leaders two weeks before their elections because such meeting may interfere with their election results. However, according to the policy, publicly berating these same leaders two weeks before their elections is perfectly okay.”

4)  Ari Harow, Netanyahu’s chief of staff: “We’re glad that President Obama chose not to meet with Mr. Netanyahu before the election. Don’t you remember how many Democratic politicians lost their elections simply because they were associated with Obama?”

5)  Javad Zarif, foreign minister of Iran: “The negotiation talks between Iran and the Great Satan have not been going smoothly, but today both our and American sides have finally reached an agreement on the point that Bibi should just shut up.”

6)  Joseph Clancy, Director of the US Secret Service: “Due to a security lapse, our agents had allowed another fence jumper (a Caucasian male, aged 65-70, approximately 6’ tall) to slip into the Capitol building and make a 40 minute speech in front of Congress before we had apprehended him.”

7)  Kim Jong Un, Supreme Leader of North Korea: “All sides should continue working on a diplomatic solution. If it weren’t for years and years of diplomatic efforts, our country wouldn’t have had enough time to build our own nuclear bombs.”

8)  Sergey Lavrov, foreign minister of Russia: “Yes, this diplomacy thing is great – these talks are the only way West still lets Russian officials go somewhere outside of Russia. However, I must repeat that Russia is not involved in these negotiations, and you have absolutely no proof that we are.”

9) Ashton Carter, US Secretary of Defense:  “We don’t appreciate Prime Minister Netanyahu’s attempts to drag American soldiers into another pointless war.  That’s Pentagon’s job.”

10) Benjamin Netanyahu: “Look, Jews are wonderful people, but for once in my life I just want to go somewhere where I could make a speech without people trying to argue with me every three seconds.”

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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46 Responses to 10 Reactions To Benjamin Netanyahu’s Speech In Congress

  1. aFrankAngle says:

    Kim Jong Un has such a way with words.


  2. Always comforting to see the folks in Washington are working together to do what’s best for the country. In other news, I accidentally ate LSD for breakfast today.


  3. Elyse says:

    Josh Earnest, the best-named spokesperson since Larry Speaks, does have a way with words, doesn’t he. As do you.

    Terrific list.


    • List of X says:

      I think Earnest even sounds and looks earnest which is a must for a WH press secretary. Me – I’ve been told that I sound like a mafia guy. So if Obama does decide that he wants to sound tough, the NSA has my number.


  4. Glazed says:

    Funny stuff. I especially like #5. It’s nice to know that the U.S. and Iran can agree on something.


  5. mhasegawa says:

    re #2: It actually did warm up for a day in Vermont.


  6. john zande says:

    #1 is beyond perfect


  7. Mr. Militant Negro says:

    Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.


  8. I like that you looked up all these supposedly real people for this…


  9. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    This is an excellent list of “reactions” …. have to share!


  10. Carrie Rubin says:

    Loved #1. Boehner must be so exhausted by now.


  11. Sherry says:

    I like ’em!


  12. The Hook says:

    You killed it with #1, X!


  13. John John John, lay down the bottle. Get some sleep, you will have extra energy. Besides wasn’t one of your platforms, “Jobs”.


  14. Paul says:

    I was otherwise occupied this week (had an operation and some hospital time) and didn’t realize this had happened. Well listed X, very funny and apropos.


  15. Ankur Mithal says:

    Diplomatic effort? No wonder it is not working. It is not something diplomats are good at.


  16. Mostly, I’m impressed that you know the names of all these cabinet ministers. Do you have a subscription to The Economist or something?


  17. Trent Lewin says:

    Dude, seriously. 1, 8 and 10 made me howl.


  18. Loved 1 and 10 and I’m always interested in what that fat little piggy Kim Jon Un has to say. Well done.


  19. Oh, jeepers, did we forget to put that in your day planner, Mr. Obama? It’s like we don’t actually think you’re the President or anything! Our bad. – Boehner

    Good grief, our country now appears to be in the control Dennis the Menace and his pals.


  20. Even though I did not agree with how he outlined things, I was kind of glad to have lived long enough to see the first appointed Senator from Israel on the podium at the House.


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