If you had ever flown on a commercial flight in the US in the last 15 years, you have surely had some experience with the airport security, also known as the TSA, also known as the fiercest foe of scissors and water bottles. However, when undercover agents tested just how good is the airport security in catching hidden weapons and explosives, they found that the TSA screeners missed these items in over 95% of the tests. You might be thinking that TSA is totally useless, but the fact is that the airport security is doing a lot of useful things besides their purported job. Here are 10 things that the airport security actually does instead of catching weapons and explosives.
1) Stopping the transport of water: As the drought in California and floods in Texas prove, an uncontrolled movement of water can lead to all kinds of disasters.
2) Improving your health: 4 out of 5 doctors recommend walking barefoot, and TSA gives everyone an opportunity to walk barefoot in public and not be thought of as a weirdo.
3) Providing additional emergency landing safety: By making you bring ziplock bags to display your tiny allowed bottles, TSA ensures you have additional flotation devices in case the airplane makes an emergency landing in the water. (Sure, the flight attendants always say that there is a life jacket under your seat, but how many of you had actually checked?)
4) Angering the passengers: The airplane passengers have a much better record of stopping potential terrorists than the TSA (who stopped exactly zero of them), and angry passengers are more alert and more likely to tackle and stop a potential terrorist in an airplane.
5) Stimulating shopping: By making you take off your shoes in public, TSA encourages you to finally buy some new socks without these embarrassing holes.
6) Providing extra legroom: By confiscating your scissors, water bottles, sunscreens, lighters, screwdrivers, and other deadly items, TSA makes your carry-on smaller, resulting in more free space under the seat in front of you.
7) Preventing alien invasions: Since TSA apparently isn’t checking passengers for explosives or weapons when they X-ray them, the X-ray machines must be searching for the signs of aliens growing inside you.
8) Inspiring friendships: By making passengers stand and commiserate in the long lines, TSA encourages face-to-face communication between people and kindles many new acquaintances.
9) Lowering airplane ticket prices: By discouraging people from flying, TSA reduces the demand for the tickets, which causes the tickets prices go down.
10) Preventing terrorist acts: By stalling the terrorists in the neverending security lines, TSA makes terrorists miss their flights and wrecks their carefully designed evil schemes.