Last week, CNBC channel had hosted the third Republican presidential debate, and the candidates haven’t been too happy with the way the network handled it. Nearly every campaign has complained how unfair questions from the debate moderators did not allow the candidates to showcase their toughness, readiness to face the challenges, and the idea of personal responsibility. So the Republican campaigns got together and decided to issue a list of demands that TV networks would have to meet if they ever hope to host any future debates. Here are 10 very minor changes that Republican candidates would like TV networks to make in the future debates.
1) Fact checkers should not be allowed to fact-check candidates’ statements, and if they even show up in the audience, should be arrested for trying to influence an election.
2) No “gotcha questions” will be allowed, such as any questions related to economy, foreign policy, or social issues.
3) Every debate moderator must be male, because no woman should be allowed to question Republican candidates, and should just vote as her husband tells her to.
4) When asking a question, a debate moderator must stand on his knees and not make eye contact with any of the candidates. He must refer to each candidate as “Master” or “Your Grace”.
5) The temperature in the hall must be kept under 67 degrees F, so that there would be no reason for anybody to bring up global warming.
6) Each candidate should have equal speaking time during the debate. None of that “inequality is the engine of growth” idiocy should be applied to any of the candidates.
7) TV cameras must not show any of the candidates from behind, especially when a candidate is consulting his or her notes, or is responding to his or her puppet strings.
8) TV cameras should not show any close ups of the audience unless at least one black person is visible on the screen. TV camera must not pan over from one audience section to the next until the black person had already moved to that next section.
9) The debate should last no more than two hours, allow all fifteen Republican candidates to be on stage, and give each of them at least 30 minutes of speaking time. Oh, and don’t bother arguing that these numbers don’t add up – the candidates have been using the same math in all Republican budgets for ages so it’s got to work.
10) At least 20 minutes should be set aside for burning effigies of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.