10 Reactions To Alabama Senate Election 

Last week, there was a special election for the US Senate seat in Alabama, where Roy Moore, a Republican, former chief justice of Alabama supreme court, and an accused child molester, has lost a close election to Doug Jones, a Democrat. The election result came as a shock, because Democrats have not won any statewide elections in Alabama in decades. So here are 10 reactions to the election results. (I realize that this post is a little behind the times, but then so is the whole state of Alabama).

1) James Carville, political strategist: “This was a unique election, since it marked the first time in recorded history when people in New York and San Francisco actually cared about something happening in Alabama.”

2) Roy Moore: “Look, if those silly fake allegations did not make me quit this race, Jones’s so-called victory won’t stop me from staying in this race as long as it takes, either!”

3) National Organization for Women: “Unfortunately, Democrats blew Alabama’s last good chance to send Roy Moore somewhere far away from the Alabama’s teenagers.”

4) Ted Crockett, Roy Moore’s spokesman: “This was a coordinated left-wing hit job. Why did those women come out now, 40 years later? A little too convenient for Jones, I’ll say. They should have come out before, back when Roy Moore was the chief justice of the state supreme court and had every Alabama prosecutor and police chief on his speed dial.”

5) Donald Trump: “Roy who? I never endorsed this guy Moore. I don’t even know him. Believe me, I’ve never even heard the name Alabama – what is this place? I did beat Clinton there by over 30 points, by the way, it was tremendous, historical victory, but I’ve never heard of this Alibamia before today.”

6) National Pedophile Association Of America: “We were initially very excited about having Roy Moore in this election. However, judge Moore’s response to the sex allegations had showed that he wasn’t sufficiently interested in defending his convictions as a child molester, which made a lot of people worry that he wouldn’t be committed to the Republican principles either.”

7) Steve Bannon, former Trump advisor, current angry white guy: “The election was rigged! It is unfair that Roy Moore was forced to run against someone who wasn’t an accused pedophile!”

8) John Merrill, Alabama Election Commissioner: “This was a very intense election, with unbelievable turnouts and get-out-the-vote efforts. I saw that Roy Moore personally driving dozens of people to the polls, but, unfortunately, most turned out to be too young to vote.”

9) Red Knecke, Roy Moore supporter: “It was the lying fake news media that smeared the honorable judge’s good name! We’re supposed to have a presumption of innocence in this country! We have to assume the alleged criminal is innocent until he is proven to be a Democrat!”

10) Doug Jones, senator-elect: “Uh… I guess I better tell the guys at my job that I’ll be giving my notice. I mean, seeing how Democrats never win in Alabama, I didn’t think I’d have to bother even telling them I was running. And I guess I’ll have to make up some sort of a political program, too, other than not being a pervert.”

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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21 Responses to 10 Reactions To Alabama Senate Election 

  1. Ankur Mithal says:

    For once I have to agree with Mr. Trump.


  2. The Alabama electorate: “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.”

    A metaphor come to life.


  3. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    … an as things went in Alabama!!


  4. Jim Wheeler says:

    French president Macron: “What strange laws they have over there! We have seen trouble coming ever since we sold them Louisiana.”

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Elyse says:

    Oh how I have missed you, X!


  6. Tippy Gnu says:

    Any sex offender who doesn’t live in the South: “Wow, a child molester came very close to winning a senatorial election in Alabama! They must like us down there, so I’m moving to the South and joining the Republican party.”


    • List of X says:

      It’s not fair to represent the Republican party as a party of child molesters. GOP values diversity and also welcomes Nazis, gun nuts, religious zealots, conspiracy theorists, con men, and the filthy rich.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. aFrankAngle says:

    Best part is these people actually said those words. Great capture!


  8. There are some things that are almost impossible to make fun of. You managed to do it. Well played.


  9. Ah, Roy Moore, what a character! It was so charming when he wore that Halloween cowboy outfit and waved his tiny gun on the campaign trail! I guess he wanted to stay young for his dates. Alabama: where an accused (by a LOT of people with proof) molester, instead of getting jail time, just barely loses an election. We Texans like Alabama because they make even us look better.


  10. The Hook says:

    No one covers political theater like you, X.
    Well done.


  11. Jim Wheeler says:

    Hey, X, I see that your blog is “not recommended by WordPress.” WTF?? Censorship?


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