10 Way How Republican Tax Reform Will Make America Great Again

The Republicans had hoped to simplify the tax code, but the code will actually become even more complicated due to the pressure from the powerful calculator lobby.
Image source: HowStuffWorks

The Republican majorities in the Senate and the House of Representatives have released their long-awaited tax plans, and although the two plans differ in the details, both are based on the idea that the richest people in America are so desperately poor that the rest of us need to pay more in taxes and borrow $1.5 Trillion over the next decade to provide additional government assistance to them. Although Democrats are outraged over this tax reform, the Republican tax plan will actually help America in many ways. Here are just 10 of them.

1)  The plan gives the largest tax cuts to the richest people, because the more money rich people have, the more jobs they create. Imagine if one single person had all of America’s money while everyone else had nothing – this man could create hundreds of jobs all by himself!

2)  Small businesses would get much-deserved tax breaks and subsidies. (Small businesses will be defined by the bill as those businesses paying little or no federal tax at all, such as General Electric or United Airlines.)

3)  The tax reform will raise taxes on graduate students by up to 400%. This plan will ensure that only the smartest and the fittest graduate students will survive and the weak will be weeded out, all without wasting valuable resources on edewkayshen.

4)  The bill will repeal the estate tax, because we should not punish the success of children of millionaires in outliving their parents!

5)  There will be no more personal exemptions allowed for individual taxpayers: this change will finally codify the idea that only corporations should be considered “persons”.

6)  The plan provides a tax break for the private jet owners to encourage billionaires and millionaires to fly more on their private airplanes. This will reduce both the traffic congestion, and the usage of the government planes by the many billionaires and millionaires in the Trump administration.

7)  The simplified tax forms will fit on a postcard, but you’d need to be able to write in really tiny letters to fill it all in. And thanks to the recent Equifax hack, you no longer need to worry about having your Social Security number on the postcard out in the open.

8)  The plan will entice large corporations that hide their money from the US taxes in the offshore tax havens to finally pay their tax bill by offering them double what they would owe if they pay the bill.

9)  The reform will close tax loopholes and excessive deductions. The details have not been finalized, but it would be whatever YOU benefit from.

10)  Finally, the tax reform will prevent wealth redistribution by taking the money from the middle class and the poor and giving it to the rich.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to 10 Way How Republican Tax Reform Will Make America Great Again

  1. john zande says:

    When truth becomes comedy

    Like

  2. Scott Erb says:

    Yes, when the rich have more money they will create more jobs. Jobs in China, jobs in Vietnam, jobs in Honduras, jobs in Peru….

    Like

  3. Carrie Rubin says:

    They might as well make a reality show out of number three while they’re at it: Which grad student will survive? (Cue dramatic music…)

    Like

  4. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    … and here it is!! How the tax reform proposed will affect all of us!!
    Good one … there’s always truth in jest … tongue in cheek!!

    Like

  5. Tippy Gnu says:

    That does it. I’m going to boycott the calculator industry.

    Like

  6. Steve Ruis says:

    Brilliant as always and … sad. While we are discussing this monstrosity, nothing of value is being addressed. And, those corporate tax breaks are absolutely necessary! I mean, I know corporations have been accruing record profits for years now and are sitting on over two trillion dollars of cash reserves, but we have been saying mean things about them for quite some time and I think their feelings were hurt.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      The thing about the relationship between corporate tax rate and investments – and I don’t remember ever seeing this pointed out – is that there is no relationship between corporate tax rates and corporate investment. At least, not the “lower taxes mean more investment” we keep hearing. This is because a company’s profit is taxable, but the money the company invests into new equipment, systems, factory building, labor force, that money is usually not taxable because it’s a business expense, or it can be written off over the years through a depreciation schedule. The taxes are then paid on what’s not invested – so, actually, a higher tax rate would stimulate more investment since more the incentive to keep money from being taxed is greater when the tax rate is high. A lower tax rate would therefore provide less incentive to invest the profits than a high tax rate.
      So why do we need to lower the corporate tax rate? Oh, it’s because the companies would be able to distribute more of profits to the shareholders, thus raising the stock price, which would benefit the shareholders and the CEO, and no one else.

      Like

  7. Douglas E says:

    I put edewkayshen in the google search box and this is the only site that spells it that way!!

    Like

  8. Once again… funny and painful… at the same time…

    Like

  9. Wealthy people are in desperate need of tax relief and all you can do is joke about it? Have you no decency, sir? I hope no wealthy person stumbles across this post. It’d ruin their day.

    Like

  10. Ankur Mithal says:

    Perspective. Never popular. And truth.

    Like

  11. Sschill says:

    Ugh this is so frustrating like what exactly is the rationale behind this reform and why are so many defending or overlooking it??

    Like

  12. Most people think that the “reform” in tax reform means improvement. They fail to understand that reform can also mean transformation or alteration, like silly putty but a trillion times more expensive.

    Like

  13. I say give ‘Merikkka lot of hard cheese. Then ‘Merikkka can finally be grate again.

    Like

  14. Daedalus Lex says:

    Hey, I’m living abroad and see lots of “great again” stuff in just this week’s news (Deutsche Welle, CNN, Japan Times) – (1) Germans as of this week now “see Russia as a more reliable partner than the US” (28% to 25%); (2) allies in Europe and the Middle East recoil from Trump’s Jerusalem announcement and now “Palestinian leaders are seeking an alternative broker for the Middle East peace process” in the absence of US credibility; (3) “A landmark Cold War-era nuclear arms control treaty between the United States and Russia is at risk of collapsing”; the Trans-Pacific Partnership, “once seen as a hallmark of U.S. engagement in Asia and a buffer against Chinese influence,” is now “anchored by Japan after U.S. President Donald Trump quit the pact”; (4) senior official Stuart Harbinson says next week’s World Trade Organization meeting in Buenos Aires “could be the moment at which the US seriously starts to detach itself from the multilateral trading system.” Let’s see them try to push us around when we’re not even around! Losers!

    Like

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