10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Did Not Give His Wife Melania A Birthday Present

“Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me… ah, screw it. I’m getting too old for this crap.”

This Thursday was the birthday of the First Lady Melania Trump, and as was reported recently in the news, her husband, President Donald Trump, did not give her a present for her birthday this year. He did say he already gave her some flowers and a card, which were the most amazing flowers and the prettiest card his assistant found in the CVS discount aisle. Here are 10 reasons why Donald Trump never gave his wife an actual present.

1)  Donald Trump was too busy golfing, tweeting, and watching Fox News, or as he calls it, “running the country”.

2)  He did buy a Melania a birthday present, but had to use it up to placate Melania when the Stormy Daniels story came up.

3)  Donald Trump had been counting on his lawyer Michael Cohen to pay Melania hush money to stay quiet about not getting a present.

4)  Donald Trump got confused and thought Ivanka was the wife and Melania was his son’s Eastern European nanny.

5)  Donald Trump didn’t bother looking for present for Melania in advance because he thought he’d be getting a new wife by now.

6)  Donald Trump thought it would be very inappropriate to spend taxpayers’ money on a present to his wife, when our tax dollars could be spent on something more important, like another Mar-A-Lago trip.

7)  Due to staff turnover problems at the White House, various Trump assistants who would have been assigned to keep track of the important birthdays are all either in the “not yet nominated” or “already resigned in disgrace” stages of their careers.

8)  Donald Trump’s Secret Service agents swore to protect him if Melania ever got angry about not getting a present.

9)  Trump was thinking of asking Melania what present she wanted. However, the present she wanted turned out to be way too expensive, since she wanted a divorce.

10)  It was Obama’s fault.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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32 Responses to 10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Did Not Give His Wife Melania A Birthday Present

  1. Carrie Rubin says:

    I think number 9 is correct. That’s probably the only present she’ll ever want: single status.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ankur Mithal says:

    Just when we thought Michael Cohen had paid you off so that you don’t write any more true stuff about DT…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. john zande says:

    Nobody does presents like me. No one. A lot of people say that. Most people.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. aFrankAngle says:

    #3 was my favorite until I reach the last one – which turned out to be a 10 for #10! Well done!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Melania’s birthday present? Now we know … she only got flowers and a card!!

    Like

  6. Dr. Rex says:

    Hi!! Good day … good to see you. Hadn’t seen you for a while. Have a great day! Humor helps me make it through these days!! Peace … __/l\__

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Jim Wheeler says:

    Nicely done, X. And, the photo you found for this post is absolutely perfect!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Douglas E says:

    All nicely done, but with the Orange Draft Dodger, satire is difficult because not matter how outlandish, it could be true.

    Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      It also comes with a complication that whenever you’re trying to make a joke about an outlandish thing he said or did, he says/does something even more outlandish and that previous outlandish thing gets completely forgotten.

      Like

  9. Elyse says:

    Congrats on finding the humor. I have lost it 😢

    Liked by 1 person

  10. A welcome return X. We need the laughter more than ever now.

    Like

  11. The videos of Don repeatedly trying to hold her hand and her avoiding his touch like it’s sulphuric acid is Melania’s birthday gift to all of us.

    Your last post previous to this is from December. That’s a rather poor showing, sir.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Great humor as usual!

    Like

  13. He is such a dick.

    Like

  14. Alice says:

    I bet the baby Trump balloons in England made the best late birthday present ev-ah.

    Like

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