10 Reasons These Elections Were So Damn Expensive

This election season has been called one of the most expensive ever, with estimated 3 to 4 billion dollars spent on campaigning.  Here 10 of the costs that made these elections so expensive.

1) $455,211,521 to pay for grassroots organizing.

2) $245,000,000 for voter intimidation.  However, because of some stupid regulations prohibiting that at or near the polling station, the voter intimidation had to be outsourced to the Fox News.

3) $36,800,000 to create and distribute 8,579,800 mailings and 4208 TV ads to ensure voters that campaign donations from foreign citizens and corporations were not accepted.  Luckily, the $187,600,000 in donations from foreign citizens and corporations had more than offset that cost.

4) $15,677,906 for 9,952,025 Hitler mustaches to be glued on Barack Obama, Harry Reid and other Democrats portraits, 36 50-feet tall statues of Nanzilla (Nancy Pelosi in the form of Godzilla), and a $300 fee to Nancy who kindly agreed to pose for these statues.

5) $5,500,000 was spend by Republican Governors Association on making the attack TV ads against Democratic gubernatorial candidates.  However, RGA was able to save over $10,000,000 by using a template ad “[Democrat’s name] is against small businesses and for higher taxes” and re-inserting different candidates names.

6) $2,250,000 from Democratic National Committee to James Cameron for making Avatar’s likable Na’vi protagonists blue as opposed to red to subtly suggest that the blue Democrats are also good.

7) $1,783,000 was spent on the failed experimental campaign to elect an actual female grizzly bear to Congress in 12th congressional district of Alaska following Sara Palin’s comparison of the new fierce female Republican candidates to mama grizzlies.  However, an actual mama grizzly bear turned out to be strongly in favor of gun control, supported much stricter environmental regulations, salmon fishing quotas and oil drilling bans, as well as attacked both Republicans and Tea Partiers.

‘8) $1,411,000 for 842 infra-sound generators to generate and increase the feelings of fear and anxiety in voters.

9) $834,000 to address voting machines malfunctions (what is considered a malfunction would be determined according to discretion and party affiliation of a polling location supervisor) and invisible ink markers to be used for voting in certain districts.

10) $220,000 for padlocks and security detail outside of the ranch of George W. Bush so that he would prevented from coming out and accidentally endorsing a GOP candidate.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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