Today, Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak addressed the country amid unrest and promised that he would not seek another presidential term. Here are 10 of the reactions to his announcement.
1) Gamal Mubarak, son of Hosni Mubarak: Thank you daddy! I’ll start preparing my September inaugural speech.
2) Kim Jong Il, leader of North Korea: You still have elections? Why?
3) Egyptian Intelligence Agency: Maybe we should have told Mubarak that not all of those protests the photos and videos he’s been seeing were happening in Tunisia…
4) Sarah Palin: Did someone mention elections? Does anybody need a vice-presidential candidate? Or an Al-Jazeera pundit? How about a “Sara Palin’s Alexandria” special on The Lebanon Channel?
5) Omar Suleiman, newly appointed Egyptian Vice President: Mr. Mubarak can not possibly leave the office before September because we have not completed the construction of his pyramid before he goes, as it is the Egyptian custom.
6) King Abdullah Bin Abdul-Aziz of Saudi Arabia: A very wise decision, since a formal declaration of monarchy would make all those humiliating and embarrassing rituals named elections completely unnecessary.
7) Egyptian protesters: Down with Mubarak! Down with Mubarak! Mubarak should resign immediately and not run in the elections! Otherwise we would overwhelmingly vote for him, as it is the Egyptian custom.
8) The Tea Party: Here in the U.S. of A. we are mad as hell about economy, deficit, and unemployment due to outsourcing of our jobs to China! We also want a revolution, like Egypt!
9) David and Charles Koch, Tea Party sponsors: Yes! And we could probably outsource the revolution to Egypt…
10) Egyptian Election Committee: This decision was a total shock to us, since we have already prepared a press-release naming Hosni Mubarak a winner of September 2011 presidential elections with 85.7% of the vote.
And finally, back to Hosni Mubarak: I have told you, I will not run in September! Why are you still not pleased!? Why!? Fine, if it makes you happy, I WILL run in September!