10 Fairy Tale Characters That Could Never Be a Republican Presidential Nominee

Little Red Riding Hood, illustrated in a 1927 ...

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For months, the media had been speculating on the question which prominent Republicans will announce their candidacy for the upcoming 2012 presidential elections, while every one of these prospective Republican candidates had kept their mouth shut on whether they actually plan to run or not.   This is perfectly understandable, since the Republican party is the party of the highest standards and it is so difficult to meet all of these standard to qualify for nomination that even the most beloved fictional characters could not meet them all.  So here are 10 of the fictional characters that could never become a Republican presidential nominee (besides Donald Trump).

1) Santa Claus: While he has consistent support from the sock and coal industry lobbies and has a unique ability to reach every potential voter in a single night, he is a personification of handouts, has no respect to privacy, and has a lackluster work ethic as he only works one day a year.

2) Robin Hood: Personally fought for smaller government by fighting and killing government forces, but an ardent proponent of wealth redistribution.

3) Little Mermaid:   Has a less than excellent financial record, as her dwelling was known to be underwater.

4) Shrek: A powerful candidate but tainted by an association with Democratic party: should have never never hang out with that donkey.  Also, way too green.

5) Aladdin: A Muslim???  Absolutely not!

6) Little Red Riding Hood:  Would be endorsed by seniors, has excellent relationship to the NRA and hunters associations, and can convincingly speak of family values.  However, the fact that she is wearing red cape and not an American flag pin clearly indicates that she is an America-hatin’ Communist.

7) Neytiri (of Avatar): Against the big business, supports the preservation of environment, had been seen having improper relationships with horses and other animals.  And most of all, she is not white, not male and not Christian.  Can it get any worse?

8) Bambi: Too young, too inexperienced, and a strong opponent of gun owners rights.

9) Jesus Christ: Has a comfortably high approval rating, but had supported regulation of the financial industry by driving the money changers from the temple.

10) Pinocchio: Due to his lie detector nose problem, he would be limited to arguing the party agenda only at the open air venues.

Please feel free to suggest your own flawed candidates.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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4 Responses to 10 Fairy Tale Characters That Could Never Be a Republican Presidential Nominee

  1. Yev says:

    The best republican candidate is Allah. He’s pro-school prayer, pro-military, and has many supporters in the oil industry.

    Like

  2. List of 10 says:

    I agree. Allah is also against gays, evolution, and Democrats

    Like

  3. Anonymous says:

    i think you forgot to mention that Robin Hood is also adamantly against taxes… if only he did not have this wealth redistribution problem.

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    • List of X says:

      Yes, there’s that too. But very few people sincerely love taxes to begin with. Robin was also a Christian, a military veteran, if that 90’s movie is a reliable source, very pro-2nd amendment, and pro-charity. As additional cons, Robin Hood also has a birth certificate problem (born in England) and a death certificate problem (dead).

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