Last week, Mitt Romney had said in an interview that he “will take a lot of credit” for saving the American auto industry. That was a very surprising statement considering that Mitt Romney had written an article in 2008 arguing that GM, Ford and Chrysler just need to go bankrupt without any government assistance. On the other hand, however, it wasn’t a very surprising statement considering Mitt’s tendency to make complete reversals of his previous positions. Anyway, here are 10 ways how Mitt Romney had saved the American auto industry.
1) Mitt Romney’s Bain Capital could have bought and bankrupted all three automakers, but didn’t.
2) Arguing that something should be done is sufficient to take credit for it later on. Therefore, I will take a lot of credit for killing bin Laden, since I distinctly remember myself saying back in 2001 that bin Laden should be killed.
3) As Mitt had admitted, he had bought his wife “a couple of Cadillacs”, and a few other Detroit-made cars for himself. However, it’s not clear whether Mitt had bought so many cars just because he is rich, or because his American-made cars just weren’t very reliable.
4) In fact, Mitt has so many cars that he even installed an elevator for his cars in one of his homes. Once again, it is unclear whether Mitt needed a car elevator just because he is rich, or because his American-made cars had difficulties with climbing up a gentle incline.
5) By saying that he had saved American auto industry, Mitt had meant to say that he had single-handedly saved a file named “American Auto Industry.doc” on his laptop.
6) Mitt personally convinced his NASCAR team owner friends to buy race cars for their drivers rather than have drivers race on foot. At least Mitt will take a lot of credit for that too.
7) Mitt Romney’s Bain Capital had fired a lot of people and that had helped widen the pool of qualified candidates for employment in the auto industry.
8) Taking inspiration from his high school experience, Mitt had bullied, taunted, and cut off the hair of the CEOs of Nissan and Honda until they agreed to reduce their presence in the US.
9) The last two reasons had been hidden in Mitt’s offshore accounts.