10 Reasons Why The Congress Voted To Increase The Defense Spending

Aerial view of The Pentagon, Arlington, Virginia

Pentagon is considered to be the most expensive geometric figure in the world

Last Friday, the Republican-controlled House of Representative voted for $642.5 Billion defense budget, which was even more than the Pentagon had requested.  Just to put that in perspective, that much money is enough for the GSA to hold a luxurious Las Vegas junket every 40 seconds and there will still be enough left over to hire every Colombian prostitute full-time so they won’t get shortchanged by the Secret Service.   Of course, that increased military spending would have to come from other government programs, since GOP does not want to borrow or raise taxes.   So here are 10 reasons why the House of Representatives voted to increase the military budget.

1)  To GOP, the country’s ability to kill people is more important than ability to feed, cure, and educate them.

2)  The congressmen want to protect the nation the nation’s defense contractors.

3)  Having watched The Dictator, the congressmen have concluded that the Wadiya’s nuclear program represents a legitimate threat to the US security.

4)  Because it’s only a wasteful spending when the money goes to the public programs.

5)  GOP needs the military to be strong enough able to fight multiple large-scale wars at the same time, such as War on Socialism, War on Women and War on Science.

6)  In the anticipation of Bain Capital’s Mitt Romney’s election to the post of the Commander in Chief, the House wanted to raise sufficient capital in advance so that Pentagon will be able to carry out Romney’s military policy doctrine of buying out our enemies, saddling them with debt and bankrupting them.

7)  Since British, Russian, or French invasions are now extremely unlikely, the Congress must be concerned about an alien invasion.

8)  The Congress is worried that the global warming will re-heat the Cold War.

9)  The House members are itching to show how much they are focused on the nation’s security, but don’t want their own kids to serve either.

10)  With more and more US debt held by China, the country needs a stronger military to protect the US from an impending visit from the China’s repossession team.

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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14 Responses to 10 Reasons Why The Congress Voted To Increase The Defense Spending

  1. freddyflow says:

    11. The Army needs a new marketing campaign (for non-Congressional kids, natch). With the expanded funding, they’re thinking new recruits can get lifetime free Meat-lovers pizzas from Domino’s.


  2. List of X says:

    With that funding, they could get those fancier pizzas with cheeseburgers in the crust


  3. Ape No. 1 says:

    I imagine the Chinese repossesors will arrive for the sole purpose of taking back all the iStuff products they manufactured.


    • List of X says:

      I think not: they already make all the iStuff much cheaper than we pay for it. They will probably come for the really valuable American-made goods… Wait, do we still make any? Ok, iStuff it is.


  4. chancedagger says:

    Item #4 nails it. Those ungrateful poor people either don’t vote or vote Democratic so why help them when defense contractors give millions to Republican campaign committees?


  5. China’s repo team? Are they gonna come repo my Japanese car which was made in Tennessee by Mexican laborers?


  6. Pingback: Crony Capitalism Creeps Into the Defense Budget – John Malcolm

  7. tamerlane says:

    11) Q: What do you call a brothel with 535 whores in it?


  8. List of X says:

    A Congress that works?


  9. Matthew says:

    This is too funny, too painful, too accurate.


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