10 Conspiracy Theories Explaining Lipstick On Barack Obama’s Collar

Wait, you didn't see that picture?? That’s because lamestream media was complicit in the cover-up of the story!!!

Wait, you didn’t see that picture??  Oh, that’s because the lamestream media was complicit in the cover-up of the story!!!

Last week, Barack Obama appeared in public with an obvious lipstick smear on his shirt collar. While in the last few years, any Obama-related story would have generated a lot of noise from the people seeking to peddle their conspiracy theories about the evil Obama administration, the Tea Party crowd hasn’t been actively putting forward any conspiracy theories about this egregious scandal.  Just as shockingly, not a single Republican Congressman demanded an investigation.  So I will have to pick up the slack, and provide 10 Tea Party-compatible conspiracy theories explaining this outrageous incident.

1)  The mark is not a trace from someone’s lips, but is meant to represent two Islamic crescents because Obama is secretly Muslim. The crescents are red because Obama is also a Communist.

2)  Michelle Obama only pretends to be Barack Obama’s wife, and never actually kisses him on the face. But this week, she angrily confronted a heckler, because she was jealous, and suspected that the heckler was the one who did it.

3)  It’s a secret signal for the law enforcement to come out and confiscate everyone’s guns.  The only reason why these jack-booted federal thugs haven’t gone out yet, is because the order is still making its way through the bloated, wasteful, and inefficient Washington bureaucracy.

4)  Obama wears lipstick because he’s secretly gay, kissed himself because he’s a self-centered narcissist, and was able to reach his own shirt collar because he’s spineless.

5)  The president was kissed by the Saudi King while Obama was bowing to the king: not only Obama humiliated himself by bowing to our sworn enemy, he also disrespected our loyal ally by avoiding his kiss.

6)  These are vampire bite marks: Obama asked Robert Pattinson to bite his neck, so that Obama also turns into a vampire, gains immortality and becomes a dictator until the end of times.  (Which he will cause because he’s also the Antichrist)

7)  Obama has intentionally drawn a smudge resembling lipstick, in order to try to distract the media attention from the Benghazi scandal, and then use the Benghazi scandal to draw the media attention away from the Lipstickgate.

8)  This mark conclusively proves that Obama was born in Kenya: there’s a guy who says that his sister is friends with a woman, who saw a Kenyan birth certificate for someone with a different name, but with the exact same mark.

9)  The mark was left by the smudged digits “1” and “6”. Obama plans to illegally run for president in 2016, and while his loyal minions have convinced him to take off the “2016” pin until then, the paint didn’t come off completely.

10)  He wears lipstick on his collar instead of the flag pin, because he hates America.

Do you have your own theory?  Well, you better have one, because when you don’t have a conspiracy theory, it means you are a part of the conspiracy.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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33 Responses to 10 Conspiracy Theories Explaining Lipstick On Barack Obama’s Collar

  1. bernasvibe says:

    You know I’m an unapologetic Obama cheerleader…but nontheless I had to crack up while reading most of these. My fave this go round? # 7 of course..Much as I hate to admit it about our country; I’m a firm believer that there are actual distractions the media does to run interference for “whats really going on” sometimes. Whether its because they’re “asked ” or “told” to is the question I’ve not answered, yet.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      It’s seems that the only things are being discussed right now in the media are fake scandals:
      Benghazi where we did not immediately know everything the very second it happened? A scandal!
      Obama nominates judges for a court vacancy? A scandal!!
      IRS was too slow to grant tax-exempt status to groups that shouldn’t have it in the first place? A scandal!!
      On the other hand, 7.5% unemployment? Not a scandal. Wealth inequality? Not a scandal. Afghanistan, Guantanamo, rapes in the military? Not, not, not a scandal.
      So, naturally, I was shocked when Obama’s lipstick photo somehow didn’t escalate into another fake scandal.

      Like

      • bernasvibe says:

        Ahhhh..maybe the infamous “they” is realizing how ridiculous the uproar over fake scandals made them look? Probably nothing as logical a reason as that though

        Like

        • List of X says:

          I don’t think they realize that. All they see is the possibility to impeach Obama, and because it hasn’t been working, it only makes them angrier.

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          • bernasvibe says:

            Got it. And I am ever so hopeful their constiuents are paying attention. ALL of the wasted energy & tax payer MONEY ; looking for such reasons. Such reasons that don’t exist. As a country WE can’t afford that. Far too much progressive causes that “they” should’ve been working on instead. Or least thats the way I see it

            Like

  2. Laura says:

    It’s laundry day at the White House, and all he could find to wear was one of Bill Clinton’s old shirts.

    Like

  3. I’m amazed nothing has come up yet either, but give them time. They were too busy focusing on MIchelle and the heckler last night (I saw as I quickly flipped past Fox News while seeing if anything was on last night – nothing was, btw.)

    Obama is followed so carefully by rabid tea partiers I can’t imagine him having time to even get a kiss from his own wife. He must be so damn tired he put on a stained shirt he hadn’t worn in like 20 years because he hadn’t thought to have his people get the presidential laundry done. Or his brain has just turned to jelly from being in the White House all these years. OR, or, maybe the tea partiers got to him and replaced him with a robot who will keep screwing up thus assuring the Republicans of a victory in 2016. They have footage of a robot Hillary Clinton kissing his collar that will come out in a later news break.

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  4. mairedubhtx says:

    I loved number 1. I’m Muslim and I think that’s the reason.

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  5. aiyanajane says:

    hahahaha oh my god this is hilarious, number 4 is beyond brilliant “Obama wears lipstick because he’s secretly gay, kissed himself because he’s a self-centered narcissist, and was able to reach his own shirt collar because he’s spineless.”

    Like

  6. EagleAye says:

    I think there’s been no scandal over this because Obama-haters are still busy trying to prove there was a scandal in Benghazi, to save face. I mean if you spend millions of dollars trying to build a scandal, and nobody notices, that’s a bit of a scandal…

    Like

    • List of X says:

      I think that the Tea Party is missing a golden opportunity here: Clinton almost got impeached over an affair, and here is Obama with a clearly affair-related lipstick mark.

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      • EagleAye says:

        Certainly, the Tea Party is out of synch. I’ve seen them claim Obama is a communist because, under a microscope, you can find red threads in his grey suit. In fact it’s shocking they haven’t used at least three items in your list, simultaneously. Is it possible they’ve all been secretly slipped some Prozac and they’ve begun to see reality?…Nah!

        Like

  7. rossmurray1 says:

    Always clever. But seriously, how does someone mis-plant a kiss so badly.

    Like

  8. Sherry says:

    It’s # 4…everyone in the real know knows he’s gay. Doncha read the Blaze? sheesh…

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  9. Cry and Howl says:

    Very clever indeed! The intellectual superiority demonstrated here is simply stunning!

    Like

  10. Please help…
    I might lose my blog.
    My little spam joke has made WordPress very angry and they might shut down my blog.
    If you could do a post with WordPress in the title, telling them to give me a break, you might save my blog. I can’t do any new posts. They shut off my new post button. I think you can also go into the WordPress help forums and put in a good word for me. Please link to my blog. I need you!

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Sorry, I missed most of the week on blogs because I was out sick (and the dog ate my blog post, too), and discovered that WordPress banned you only when you posted that they cleared you. And I just found this comment now.
      If that happens next time (and I hope it doesn’t), let me know I will try to help – but please know that my own blog appears to be semi-blocked too, since it can’t be found by the tags, so it wouldn’t have been much help anyway.

      Like

      • Thanks for the offer of future support… which I may well end up needing someday. The overlords are a fickle and tempestuous set of minor gods. Things do seem to go wrong now and then. But I will not be starting any revolutions for a while. Glad you are feeling better. Bad dog!

        Like

  11. Okay this is the third post that I have read by you – and that’s it!!
    I had to push that follow button – thanks for the laugh and a half.

    Like

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