This Tuesday, October 1, 2013, is the deadline for Congress to approve a resolution to fund the government, and to prevent its shutdown. This is something which is absolutely has to get done in order to allow many governmental agencies to continue functioning, which is why the House Republicans took this opportunity to demand some very minor concessions from Obama administration in order not to shut down the government. And these are really, really minor and reasonable things, which Democrats should easily agree to – unless they want something bad to happen to their precious government. The list of demands is actually very long, so, here are just 10 of the things Republicans want from Obama before they would let the government function.
1) 150,000 pages of paper to print out the full list of demands.
2) A second-born child of every Democratic Senator and Representative. But not the first-born, because that would be unreasonable.
3) A $1 Trillion corporate tax cut, in unmarked non-sequential bills.
4) Allow more drilling on the federal land: The plan is to drill holes along Mason-Dixon line, then detach the South along the perforation to create an independent Obamacare-free sovereign country.
5) Means-testing for Medicare: Verify applicants’ incomes and to make sure that Medicare will covers just the top 1%, whose income prove that they worked hard to create jobs.
6) Ban on all late-term abortions, with “Late-term pregnancy” being defined as any pregnancy that lasted longer than 20 seconds.
7) Voting reform: because deciding for whom to vote is an important choice, just as choosing whether to have a child, any woman who shows up to cast a vote on the day of the election must undergo a mandatory transvaginal ultrasound, and then required to take a 72-hour waiting period before being able to get a ballot.
8) Obama’s impeachment over Benghazi – because the president bears full responsibility for everything that happened during his term in the office, well, except for ending the war in Iraq, killing bin Laden, and saving General Motors.
9) Obama’s impeachment over the IRS scandal. Since being impeached over Benghazi makes it impossible to impeach Obama over the IRS Scandal, the House Republicans would agree to hold a special presidential election, which Obama will most likely win, so that then the House could impeach him over the IRS scandal.
10) Partial repeal of the Clean Air Act: Most of the act will remain in force, and the repeal will only impact the parts of law with the word “Clean”.
I did not have time to read the full list of Republican conditions, so it may have included something about sharing this post with all your Facebook friends and Twitter followers.