10 Real Reasons Why The ObamaCare Website Doesn’t Work

It took approximately 7 hours to download this picture off the website.

It took approximately 7 hours to download this picture off the website.

On October 1st, the federal government has finally opened an insurance exchange website HealthCare.gov, where people who did not have health insurance could finally buy affordable health insurance. However, the website roll out has been plagued with technical glitches and problems, and many people who tried to use the website have complained that it takes forever to load and keeps losing the connection.  Unlike the developers of the HealthCare.gov, I was able to fix the glitches in my previous post, so here are finally 10 reasons why the HealthCare.gov doesn’t work properly:

1)  Considering that Republicans have voted over 40 times to repeal Obamacare, the website developers were waiting to see if the law actually gets repealed, and therefore did not start coding until the last possible minute.

2)  Department of Health and Human Services insisted that the website is written in plain English so that ordinary people could understand it, and not in some fancy HTML or Java.

3)  As the developers worked on listing all the possible covered pre-existing conditions, they kept getting sidetracked into checking their own symptoms on WebMD.

4)  It’s important to set the expectations bar for Obamacare really low, so that Americans could be pleasantly surprised by it.

5)  The faulty website code is a pre-existing condition for the website, which should get addressed by ObamaCare, once the developers can get website to work, which will happen once they can address the faulty code… (Apparently, it is possible to code Catch-22 in HTML.)

6)  As a part of 2012 ObamaCare decision, Supreme Court struck down a key part of the website code as unconstitutional.

7)  The website developers already have health insurance, so they did not see any reason for the urgency of this project.

8)  The HealthCare.gov website can’t possibly load quickly because it takes a long time to upload all the tracking software from NSA, CIA, FBI, DIA, DHS and others onto your computer.

9)  Long wait times on the website ensure that only people who really need health insurance would be able to get the attention, rather than some right-wing talk show hosts who troll the phone helpline just for fun.

10)  All the website bugs and glitches were intentional and are a part of a deviously sneaky ploy by Obama Administration to sign up more people: just think, how else could Obama get Fox News to keep talking incessantly about the website where people could sign up for ObamaCare, if the website weren’t “malfunctioning”?

Advertisements

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

44 Responses to 10 Real Reasons Why The ObamaCare Website Doesn’t Work

  1. EagleAye says:

    Hehe. Numbers 9 & 10 are freakin’ brilliant. Who woulda’ thunk Rush Limbaugh could be baited so easily?…Oh right, everybody.

    Like

  2. bernasvibe says:

    @…10) All the website bugs and glitches were intentional and are a part of a deviously sneaky ploy by Obama Administration to sign up more people: just think, how else could Obama get Fox News to keep talking incessantly about the website where people could sign up for ObamaCare, if the website weren’t “malfunctioning”?..>>>> I really hope this is the case; and IF it is? Then its working! I’ve said its from the cazillions of people trying to log on the site; who do NOT have health insurance..Mucho gracias to Fox for taking the bait & running with it..Have they not learned even bad addying; can be excellent for business? (the name Miley Cyrus rings a bell..) Anyways I loved seeing this topic in my reader X! I loved seeing that you wrote it ; because no one tells the news straight-no-chaser-but-with-class like you…And? I can’t resist the urge to re-blog this one

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Thank you for your kind words and the re-blog!
      If 10 were real, it would have been a genius move – but, unfortunately, they don’t expect to fix the website anytime soon. And Fox functions on different laws of economics – for them, talking trash about Obama is good business, whether justified or not, whether true or not, who cares, as long as viewers are kept glued to the screens for 23 hours a day?

      Like

      • bernasvibe says:

        Any viewers that are glued to Fox station; probably won’t be interested in signing up for Obamacare anyways..Or would they? That is the question that begs to be answered; and will more than likely become apparent when folks realize all of the benefits available..A stat I saw recently said 2/3s of the people who could benefit from Obamacare; don’t yet know it. Reading helps alot though…I’ve heard of well established websites crashing before from so many hits …So I honestly am not surprised about the Obamacare site..The even better piece of good news? There ARE indeed other ways to sign up in the interim..Folks can mail in as an option after downloading & printing the application or call (800) 318 – 2596 or get assistance to apply in person ..Look up local places for assistance on..www..localhelp.healthcare.gov..Always more than one way(thankfully!) to get a job done & this is a venture tons of folks will sort out. With or without the website up & running. How spoiled we’ve gotten with the Internet though! I recall a time when the only options were to do things in person or mail in..

        Like

        • List of X says:

          Yes, the only time we get detached from TV screen is to attach ourselves to the Internet – people check their smartphones even in the bathrooms, for crissakes! I know, cause I do that myself 🙂
          And I have heard stories of Obamacare haters actually trying the exchanges and being pleasantly surprised with the outcome; of course, that’s those few who weren’t scared enough to try it, and then actually made it through the website glitches.

          Like

          • bernasvibe says:

            You’re so right about how much we check our smartphones! Including when we DRIVE; which isn’t so smart..Been so tough for me to break that habit(and I still do it at stop lights OMG) And yep, even text chatting(unbeknownst to whoever I’m texting at the time) on the toilet..As IF whatever couldn’t wait to be said or texted or expressed..Again I recall a time? And doesn’t seem so long ago that we had to WAIT to find out what we needed at the market; until we got alll the way home. OR we could stop to use a payphone..Do those even exist anymore??? One thing I mentioned to a friend recently? We were at a popular eatery..I said look around at ALL of the couples and both parties are texting on phones..WtH? If a date ever does that to me???? It will be an instant dealbreaker! If I am not enough to keep your attention? Then we are not a love match. Period..I just think etiquette calls for cell phone use during actual live interactions; to be a very low level. I think its related to glancing at the TV or needing the TV on during SEX..If that ever , eva were to happen to me?? Lets just say its never happened and I’m willing to be it never will. If it does y’all will hear me slamming the door from coast to coast. I went off on a tangent, lol, but enjoyed the interaction…

            Back to the topic…I do give the haters props for trying out the site..Curiosity is a trip! How much you want to be they signed UP while they were logged on?

            Like

    • Miley Cyrus?

      In that case wouldn’t the title of the post be “10 Reasons the ObamaCare Website Isn’t Twerking”?

      Like

      • List of X says:

        🙂
        Miley Cyrus is the reason we need Obamacare. The girl needs to be covered with something, and her CTWS (compulsive tongue wagging syndrome) is definitely a pre-existing condition.

        Like

  3. bernasvibe says:

    Reblogged this on Berna's Vibe~The Way I See IT and commented:
    Written by one of my fave bloggers; about one of my fave topics! >>Re-blogged by Berna(the 1 & Only)

    Like

  4. I honestly believe that the republitards managed to infiltrate the place where they were designing the website and sabotage it…

    Like

  5. Elyse says:

    All the glitches I’ve heard about on Obamacare I found on Monday when I spent several hours on CareFirst’s website and hotline trying to get questions answered about the differences between their two plans.

    Seriously.

    I think HHS just wanted people to understand the downside to having insurance — dealing with mind-numbing insurance companies.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Yes, it’s very possible that a certain number of people refuses to buy health insurance for that very reason – and not because they are poor or hate “socialism”.

      Like

  6. The Cutter says:

    As a web developer, I can say that #1 is not only possible, but probable.

    Like

  7. Carrie Rubin says:

    Loved 3 and 4. As much as I’m for the reform, I can’t believe they didn’t better prepare for the onslaught. Why did it have to be a free for all? Maybe they could have divided up the process so everyone wasn’t signing up at once, whether that be alphabetically, by region, etc. I don’t watch Fox News, but I imagine those guys and gals are having a hay day with this.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      I don’t know what HHS was thinking. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to predict that a few million people will jump at the opportunity to sign up for a health insurance in about an hour after the site opens – and even if it takes a rocket scientist, NASA laid off enough of them to find somebody who could help.
      I mean, seriously, we can build a functioning spaceship, but not a website???
      And Fox must be doubly happy about this: not only every American hates Obamacare, but also Obamacare website can’t accommodate all those millions of Americans clamoring to sign up.

      Like

  8. Sherry says:

    well done indeed!

    Like

  9. speaker7 says:

    I know this is satire, but #3 seems like the true culprit.

    Like

  10. You should do top ten lists for Letterman. Love it. It never occurs to Republicans that maybe they could just wait a few years, find an actual suitable (ie not batshit crazy) candidate, and then repeal the law. Considering how long it takes for laws to make it through when they AREN’T being constantly opposed, it’s not like it would have been that long.

    But I forgot. Too many of our top members of the GOP think like two-year-olds. No! Mine! No!

    Like

    • List of X says:

      I read an interesting article recently (which don’t think I can find now), which made the case that tea party conservatives don’t do politics, they fight the Antichrist. And when you fight the Antichrist, you’re not supposed to compromise, or think that something just isn’t worth fighting about, or wait a few years before fighting. I’m sure you can see it’s a pretty accurate description – and in that context, we can’t expect any reasonable candidates or letting Obamacare work for a few years.

      Like

  11. Everyone is forgetting that they were promised that if they liked their current health care website they could keep it. And we find our healthcare needs are served quite well on Netflix by watching Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Most of us should still be able to keep our favorite health care website, and HealthCare.gov website was meant to cover the 16% of the population who don’t have Internet.

      Like

  12. AirportsMadeSimple says:

    # 3 is the best!

    Like

  13. It’s funny to see how a slow-running website causes a bigger stir with many Americans than the fact that a substantial part of the population in one of the richest countries in the world have no health insurance coverage.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      I guess we in America are either perfectly fine with having no health insurance at all, but if we’re getting insurance, it has to be dirt cheap, provide complete coverage, and must be given to us this very second.

      Like

  14. PsiFiGal says:

    This is so funny! #8 had me laughing, sounds like something they would have talked about on Art Bell’s radio show. About #9, I don’t know if someone already pointed this out, but I think The Daily Show with Jon Stewart had an episode where they reported that part of the reason the website is so slow is because so many news channels are logging onto the site to see if it’s fixed yet… crazy, huh? I like your blog, it will be a welcome addition to my reader.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Thank you for the follow, I will check out your blog, too.
      I may have seen this Daily Show episode. I have logged in to the website myself a few times for research purposes – because even satire can be researched, so I may have contributed to the traffic overload myself.

      Like

  15. Others have already said it but I just love number 10.

    Like

  16. Kylie says:

    Number 2 made me laugh. That’s good, because number 2 doesn’t usually produce that reaction.

    Having worked in governmental public health, though, I get it, man.

    But seriously… contractors eff things up. “Run government like a business.” This is what you get.

    Annnnnnndddddd, we wouldn’t have needed the central website if all the states had set up their own exchanges, right???

    Like

    • List of X says:

      I don’t see why the business is supposed to be inherently better than the government, They can screw things up just as well as the government, and on equally large scale, if 2008 housing bubble and following recession is any indication.

      “Annnnnnndddddd, we wouldn’t have needed the central website if all the states had set up their own exchanges, right???”
      Correct – if all states created their exchanges, Healthcare.gov would just point people to their appropriate state exchange, like it does for the states that have the exchanges. A single website developer could have built the whole website in just one day.

      Like

I can see you have something to say...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s