The 2016 presidential campaign is now in full swing, and there already seem to be at least several hundred Republicans who have declared that they are running for president – Jeb Bush, Ben Carson, Chris Christie, Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, Lindsey Graham, Bobby Jindal, Mike Huckabee, John Kasich, George Pataki, Rand Paul, Rick Perry, Marco Rubio, Rick Santorum, Donald Trump, Scott Walker, just to name a few. To manage the onslaught of the candidates, Fox News, which is hosting the first Republican primary debate on August 6, has already limited the debate to top 10 candidates. (I guess Fox is working on its own list of 10…) However, even with just 10 candidates Fox will face a challenge in how to give every one of them an opportunity to give an extended answer to all the debate questions. It seems that the only reasonable way to do so would be to conduct the debate by asking every question in multiple choice form. So here are 10 proposed multiple-choice questions for the debate.
1) On the scale from 1 to 10, how much do you hate Barack Obama?
c) All of the above, i.e., 19;
d) I hate the fact that you even bring up Barack Obama.
2) What is your position on climate change?
a) Climate change is a hoax;
b) Climate change is a natural phenomenon, it’s not man-made;
c) Don’t ask me, I’m not a scientist… and don’t you ask the scientists, either;
d) So what if the ice is melting? These polar bears should just get their act together and find real jobs.
3) How would you reduce the budget deficit?
a) Cut taxes;
b) Cut taxes;
c) Cut taxes;
d) Cut taxes, if it doesn’t work, cut taxes again.
4) What is your position on immigration?
a) Deport all illegal immigrants;
b) Deport all immigrants;
c) Deport all non-white people, gays, minorities, single women, liberals, college students, and so on;
d) Cut taxes.
5) Do you agree with Donald Trump calling Mexicans murderers, drug dealers, and rapists?
a) I agree with Donald Trump;
b) I disagree with Donald Trump saying this out loud;
c) The Republican party must reach out to Hispanics and explain to them that Donald Trump is right;
d) I am Donald Trump.
6) How would you deal with Iranian nuclear threat?
a) Bomb them;
b) Bomb them to the ground;
c) I will consider all options, then bomb them to the ground;
d) Bomb them to the ground, then rebuild Iran as a strong democracy, then once again bomb them to the ground.
7) With so many candidates running, what make you different from the other candidates?
a) I am not a politician;
b) I am a Senator, but since I don’t do anything useful in the Senate, I’m essentially not a politician;
c) I have a birthmark under my left knee;
d) I am Donald Trump.
8) How can you put a stop to Russian aggression in Ukraine?
a) By showing strength;
b) By showing toughness;
c) By showing fortitude;
d) By showing the entire thesaurus page with the full list of synonyms for the word “strength”.
9) What is your position on abortion?
a) No abortions for anyone, ever;
b) Allow abortions only in the cases of rape, and only with a notarized affidavit from the rapist stating that the rape was legitimate;
c) Allow abortions only in the cases where a fetus is an illegitimate child of a Republican politician;
d) Require transvaginal ultrasounds to all women even thinking about abortion, whether they’re pregnant or not.
10) Why did you decide to run for president?
a) God told me to run;
b) My family told me to run;
c) My personal trainer told me to run;
d) My hair told me to run.