10 Easy Questions For The Republican Presidential Debates

This is how the stage of the Republican debate would look like if all candidates were allowed to participate.

This is how the stage of the Republican debate would look like if all candidates were allowed to participate.

The 2016 presidential campaign is now in full swing, and there already seem to be at least several hundred Republicans who have declared that they are running for president – Jeb Bush, Ben Carson, Chris Christie, Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, Lindsey Graham, Bobby Jindal, Mike Huckabee, John Kasich, George Pataki, Rand Paul, Rick Perry, Marco Rubio, Rick Santorum, Donald Trump, Scott Walker, just to name a few. To manage the onslaught of the candidates, Fox News, which is hosting the first Republican primary debate on August 6, has already limited the debate to top 10 candidates. (I guess Fox is working on its own list of 10…) However, even with just 10 candidates Fox will face a challenge in how to give every one of them an opportunity to give an extended answer to all the debate questions. It seems that the only reasonable way to do so would be to conduct the debate by asking every question in multiple choice form. So here are 10 proposed multiple-choice questions for the debate.

1)  On the scale from 1 to 10, how much do you hate Barack Obama?
a) 9;
b) 10;
c) All of the above, i.e., 19;
d) I hate the fact that you even bring up Barack Obama.

2)  What is your position on climate change?
a) Climate change is a hoax;
b) Climate change is a natural phenomenon, it’s not man-made;
c) Don’t ask me, I’m not a scientist… and don’t you ask the scientists, either;
d) So what if the ice is melting? These polar bears should just get their act together and find real jobs.

3)  How would you reduce the budget deficit?
a) Cut taxes;
b) Cut taxes;
c) Cut taxes;
d) Cut taxes, if it doesn’t work, cut taxes again.

4)  What is your position on immigration?
a) Deport all illegal immigrants;
b) Deport all immigrants;
c) Deport all non-white people, gays, minorities, single women, liberals, college students, and so on;
d) Cut taxes.

5)  Do you agree with Donald Trump calling Mexicans murderers, drug dealers, and rapists?
a) I agree with Donald Trump;
b) I disagree with Donald Trump saying this out loud;
c) The Republican party must reach out to Hispanics and explain to them that Donald Trump is right;
d) I am Donald Trump.

6)  How would you deal with Iranian nuclear threat?
a) Bomb them;
b) Bomb them to the ground;
c) I will consider all options, then bomb them to the ground;
d) Bomb them to the ground, then rebuild Iran as a strong democracy, then once again bomb them to the ground.

7)  With so many candidates running, what make you different from the other candidates?
a) I am not a politician;
b) I am a Senator, but since I don’t do anything useful in the Senate, I’m essentially not a politician;
c) I have a birthmark under my left knee;
d) I am Donald Trump.

8)  How can you put a stop to Russian aggression in Ukraine?
a) By showing strength;
b) By showing toughness;
c) By showing fortitude;
d) By showing the entire thesaurus page with the full list of synonyms for the word “strength”.

9)  What is your position on abortion?
a) No abortions for anyone, ever;
b) Allow abortions only in the cases of rape, and only with a notarized affidavit from the rapist stating that the rape was legitimate;
c) Allow abortions only in the cases where a fetus is an illegitimate child of a Republican politician;
d) Require transvaginal ultrasounds to all women even thinking about abortion, whether they’re pregnant or not.

10)  Why did you decide to run for president?
a) God told me to run;
b) My family told me to run;
c) My personal trainer told me to run;
d) My hair told me to run.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

80 Responses to 10 Easy Questions For The Republican Presidential Debates

  1. renxkyoko says:

    LOL That’s hilarious ! Thanks !

    Like

  2. This whole race is illegitimate until Michelle Bachmann tosses her (whatever garb she wears) into the ring.

    Like

  3. Paul says:

    Ha! Hilarious X – I laughed out loud (quietly as it is 3 am here). bwahahaha Those polar bears always were a lazy lot. Ha!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. There’s way too many big words in those questions. The candidates won’t understand. (Neither will the people watching Fox News.)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. mhasegawa says:

    I think #3 will just confuse them and they won’t know which one to pick. And with multiple choice questions they all – all 17 or 20 or whatever number – of them could participate. No need to get down to just 10. Brilliant idea.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. john zande says:

    #11 How old is the Earth?

    Like

  7. Chris Christie complained that you gave too many cake questions for Trump. Oh wait, did someone say cake?!?

    Like

  8. aFrankAngle says:

    I like the idea providing multiple choice … but I doubt they could limit themselves to either the letter or just the answer.

    Like

  9. wonderful. I think this one is my favorite “d) By showing the entire thesaurus page with the full list of synonyms for the word “strength”.”

    For all of the candidates claiming that God told them to run, this seems to indicate that God is fucking around with them or they are liars……. I think we need to have each candidate stand before an altar soaked with water and see who can get their god to make it catch on fire.

    Like

  10. Another home run, you s.o.b. How do you do it? I’m jealous.

    How happy are you that Trump will make it into the top 10 and participate in the debate? I’m thrilled beyond belief. I thought it was going to be a dull affair–barely worth tuning in for–but it turns out it’ll be akin to a professional wrestling match. I hope Trump really looses it and shouts insults into the microphone while the other candidates are speaking.

    Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      I have every Republican politicians phone bugged, so I just have to pick out the most ridiculous tidbits as long as they sound at least somewhat believable.
      And yes, I am excited about Trump, so much that I might even attempt to watch the debate.

      Like

      • Are you kidding me?! I can’t wait! I’m going to pop some popcorn. The Trump Show! The debate and next year’s GOP convention is going to put Cleveland—my hometown—on the map. I hear they’re going to have to bus in some prostitutes from Chicago.

        Like

  11. Reblogged this on Arlin Report and commented:
    Better questions than we are currently hearing.

    Like

  12. Damn how I wish my hair talked to me. Having Trump around reminds me of good ol Ross Perot. Crazy rich bastard.

    Like

  13. Amaya says:

    This was almost as entertaining as the shitshow being provided by the Republican party. It’s hard to make up jokes funnier than the real deal. I can’t believe Trump is the frontrunner…actually, now that I think about it, I can.

    Like

  14. Carrie Rubin says:

    Wonderful idea. I’m sure the candidates would love it. Multiple choice questions require less brain power, and these guys need to conserve theirs…

    Like

  15. With ten canditates the dabate is going to take about twelve hours.

    Like

  16. Jim Wheeler says:

    Outstanding! Reblogged on Still Skeptical After All These Years.

    Minor edit suggestion:

    7) With so many candidates running, what make you different from the other candidates?

    d) I am Donald Trump, and I’m really, really RICH.

    Like

  17. Samara says:

    “and then an independent president if he doesn’t win the general election.”
    X, your should do this ^^^^

    I could live in a country where you were the president. You are one cool dude.

    Like

  18. Trent Lewin says:

    I disagree with Donald Trump saying this out loud… brilliant stuff X, I about peed my pants and am pretty sure you’ve just converted me to a Republican – because they can’t possibly have all that wacky fun for themselves only. It’s just not fair. We don’t have a Republican party in Canada, so Trent P. Lewin is going to start one. This List of 10 items will form my basic package of principals.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      I have to warn you, Trent, it’s only funny when you’re looking at it from the outside. It’s like, watching monkeys flinging poo is only funny when there is glass between you and them, not so much when you’re among them. Although, with the right mindset, the latter could be even more fun.

      Like

      • Trent Lewin says:

        Well, good fortune to you and your poo-flinging days. We’ll be observing, and frankly don’t know what to make of it all. I also think we’re moving in the direction of your politics, so we may be looking on you guys for advice. Sigh.

        Like

  19. So overjoyed to have seen the Republican Debate…IN ADVANCE! Now I won’t have to watch it since it would be a rehash (uh…I mean rerun) of what they always say anyway. However, how did you get your hands on this advance copy of it? Excellent laughs, as always X. :@)

    Like

  20. Glazed says:

    I love this idea. All debates should be multiple-choice. Or better yet, true-false. True-false questions would stump the hell out of them, because they’re completely ignorant of the difference.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Elyse says:

    I disagree with Donald Trump saying it out loud. Sheer brilliance.

    Like

  22. This really does cut right to the heart of the matter doesn’t it… I don’t know whether to laugh or cry… so I guess I will do both… at the same time…

    Like

  23. Kyky says:

    Awesome! How about a list for the other side too?

    Like

  24. EagleAye says:

    Brilliant as always. You had me laughing and smiling the whole way through. Now we should take this before a bunch of republicans and see how many of them realize it’s intended as humor. How many will get it? 5%? 2%?

    Like

  25. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Don’t miss this …. the circus will be in town next week!!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. You have a good imagination. It could work out that you are not far from the mark on this!

    Like

  27. Carl D’Agostino on August 1, 2015 at 9:06 am said:
    Give big corporations more tax breaks( don’t call it corporate welfare). Then they will use money to reinvest to create jobs. It does not mean that trickle down never works and has not worked ever. This time the corporations will not buy gold and property instead of create jobs. Outsourcing jobs to other countries helps export ratio which creates jobs. Uh, ha. Yeah, right.

    Reply ↓

    Carl D’Agostino
    on August 1, 2015 at 9:07 am said:
    Also, requiring that every man woman and child own 15 guns will also create jobs and keep the streets safer. Thanks visit my blog.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      What I don’t understand in this “tax cuts to corporations create jobs” is how whenever a corporation cuts a few thousand jobs, its stock goes up. But I agree that making everyone buy 15 guns would create jobs, because guns seem to be one of the very few things that are still made in the US.

      Like

  28. You missed : 9 – D) I am an abortion that survived

    Perfect as always X. I just got finished watching Ben Carson on Meet the Press, don’t know which was worse, Ben Carson or Chuck Todd.

    Like

  29. You are seriously one of the most hilarious blogs out there. I’m kind of pissed at myself that I don’t check here daily for updates. I’m so bookmarking your ass now.

    Like

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