A couple of weeks ago, Republican John Boehner, Speaker of the House of Representatives, announced his retirement, and this Thursday the Republican party was scheduled to have a closed party election to fill the position. However, the election has been indefinitely postponed. Supposedly, the reason for delay was that the House Majority leader Kevin McCarthy, who was widely expected to win the election, unexpectedly withdrew from the race yesterday: McCarthy had admitted that the purpose of Benghazi investigations was to lower Hillary Clinton’s poll numbers, and this unfortunate episode of truth-speaking called McCarthy’s political competence into question. However, this wasn’t the only reason, and here are 10 other reasons why the vote was postponed.
1) Every Republican politician who could have been interested in the Speaker job is already running for president.
2) The Republican Party has other priorities – the government isn’t going to shut down itself, you know.
3) Since Americans deserve to see a fresh new face in the Speaker role, several leading candidates are busy getting their plastic surgeries.
4) Before Republicans elect the next Speaker, they want to research the possibility of putting any potential Speaker’s speech on a seven second delay.
5) The Speaker is second in line for the presidency, immediately after the Vice President, and no Republican wants to become Joe Biden’s Joe Biden.
6) Having an elected Speaker may cause the House of Representatives to accidentally accomplish something.
7) Being the Speaker involves a lot of handshakes with Barack Obama, which means a high probability of getting Islamo-communist cooties.
8) Many Republican congressmen are so used to voting against everything, that they were having trouble figuring out how to vote for something.
9) Republicans realized that there is a potential for widespread voter fraud, and if it’s not addressed immediately, Democratic congresspeople would be able to vote in the Speaker election.
10) Since the job of the Speaker mostly consists of banging a gavel and holding pointless bi-weekly votes to repeal Obamacare, it was decided that a trained monkey could do the job. However, the monkey training hit a snag when the monkey began questioning the value of these Obamacare votes.