10 Reactions To Joe Biden’s Decision Not To Run For President

A rare photo of President Barack Obama and Vice President Joseph Biden engaged in the White House Whitest Smile contest. Image source: Wikipedia

A rare photo of President Barack Obama and Vice President Joseph Biden engaged in the White House’s Whitest Smile contest.
Image source: Wikipedia

The 2016 presidential election campaign has been in full swing for the last several months, with dozens of officially declared candidates (mostly Republican). And while there is some serious competition in the Republican primary, most of the intrigue in the Democratic primary stemmed from the question whether sitting Vice President Joe Biden will declare himself as a candidate or not. For the last several months, this question was subject to intense speculation, until finally this Wednesday, Biden has officially announced that he is not running. Here are 10 reactions to Joe Biden’s decision.

1)  Barack Obama:  “I think Joe made a right decision. The country, and I, need him here, in Washington, doing his job – sitting in a locked office and waiting for me to drop dead.”

2)  Jill Biden, wife of Joseph Biden:  “It was a very difficult time for both of us, but ultimately, Joe had to make a decision not to run, when after several months of trying, he still couldn’t find his birth certificate.”

3)  CNN:  “According to our survey of registered voters conducted right after the Vice President’s announcement, Biden’s support has fallen from 18% to 15%, which is a telling sign that Biden’s candidacy might be in trouble.”

4)  John Boehner, Speak of the House of Representatives:  “Well, I hope this means that Joe is considering the job of the House Speaker that I will be leaving in a few weeks, and for which there is no replacement yet. To sweeten the deal, I’ll even throw in my personal stationery which I had already monogrammed with his initials, JB.”

5)  Hillary Clinton:  “I think Joe made the right decision. It was only because I chose to run for president that I became the target of a Republican witch hunt, and had to turn over thousands of my e-mails. And if Joe had chosen to run too, he would have lost every shred of privacy, and would have to turn over all his telegrams and carrier pigeons.”

6)  Donald Trump:  “Honestly, I’m glad Biden’s out. He’s the only one who even had a chance against me. So that just leaves Hillary, and as most of my ex-wives know, I’m really good at beating women.”

7)  God:  “I was going to call Joseph to tell him to run for president, like I tell all the other candidates – it’s just common courtesy, you know? But I gotta tell you, it’s me-damn impossible to get to anybody through the White House switchboard! Oh, which reminds me – does anybody know how to set up robocalls so I could make automated mass phone calls to the Republican candidates?”

8)  Steve Ricchetti, Vice President’s chief of staff:  “Vice President Biden is not someone who makes rash decisions. We have considered every option, looked at every angle, and the decision to not run in 2016 was the the best possible decision. But don’t discount the Vice President yet, because he is still considering a decision on whether he should run in the 2012 election.”

9)  Glenn Beck, professional conspiracy theorist:  “Joe Biden’s announcement that he’s not running could only mean one thing: Biden is sure that his position in the White House is already safe. And this means what? This undoubtedly means that Obama WILL declare himself a DICTATOR in the next few months and will send EVERY white Christian to FEMA concentration camps!!!”

10)  Joseph Biden, Vice President:  “I said I’m not running? What a bunch of malarkey!… Wait, seriously, I did? Crap.”

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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24 Responses to 10 Reactions To Joe Biden’s Decision Not To Run For President

  1. john zande says:

    it’s me-damn impossible…

    LOL! Line of the week 🙂

    Like

  2. Elyse says:

    Joe WOULD make a great Speaker …

    Like

  3. Paul says:

    Bwahaha! Even we Canadians get that US political humor – love #6. The host of the Nightly Show played the clip of Biden’s announcement that there wasn’t time to mount a successful campaign. He followed that with ” Successful? You want to run a successful campaign? Why change now?”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jim Wheeler says:

    Reblogged this on Still Skeptical After All These Years and commented:
    Another hilarious list from X. Aside from pure humor, it occurs to me how modern political news coverage is essential to public understanding that powerful people are ever so human. Well done, X!

    Like

  5. Glazed says:

    I think speech writers from all around the world breathed a sigh of relief also, as this reduces the chances that Biden will plagiarize off them.

    Like

  6. I, for one, will miss his extraordinary teeth. So long, Joe. We hardly knew ye.

    Like

  7. EagleAye says:

    Haha! That definitely sounds like Glenn Beck. Was he wearing his tin foil hat when he composed that one?

    Like

  8. Don’t know which is more terrible The Donald or The Beck…I think both are far to close to the truth.

    Like

  9. Okay… the JB on the stationary… that was classic you…

    Like

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