10 Messages From FEMA’s Presidential Alert System

Thanks to the new presidential alert system, we will now receive warnings about natural disasters from a man-made disaster.
Image source: androidcentral

This week, Federal Emergency Management Agency is going to do a test of the presidential alert system. This system will allow the US President to send emergency messages to nearly every American with a cell phone – in other words, for Trump it would probably be like a version of Twitter but with people not given the option to opt out or talk back with mean things. Here are 10 possible emergency messages we might receive from FEMA’s presidential alert system in the future.

1) “Many people are saying there’s a hurricane approaching your state, but sleep safe, we are ready for the hurricane. It won’t be a total disaster like Puerto Rico or some other third world country. Also, please make sure not to die in large numbers since it makes me look bad.”

2) “Please stay off the roads as millions of people are being evacuated, huge, tremendous crowds of people, almost as big as the crowds at my inauguration. Not as big, because my inauguration had the biggest, most unbelievable crowd of all time!”

3) “Please make sure that you have all necessities packed in an emergency preparedness bag – water, paper towels, hairspray, an a copy of The Art of the Deal by Donald Trump!”

4) “My thoughts and prayers are with the victims of this devastating hurricane, unless they voted for Crooked Hillary Clinton.”

5) “Due to a yuge Category 5 hurricane, the presidential rally will be cancelled, because evil and lying Democrats have invented the global warming to create more hurricanes to cancel my rallies! Sad! Vote them all out!”

6) “This is an emergency. Due to tremendous problems with Obama economy, which is, by the way, in the best shape ever thanks to ME, we need to give an emergency tax cut to the top 1% of earners so that they could create more jobs. Please bring your money, as much as you can spare, borrow if you have to, to the 1% emergency assistance centers being set up around the country at your nearest Trump hotel.”

7) “A heat wave is predicted for this part of the country. It will be very hot, hotter than ever, almost 100 degrees which is the maximum temperature, it will be hot like Melania, although not as hot as Ivanka.”

8) “We may have accidentally started a nuclear war with North Korea, which is totally not my fault. If you’re in Hawaii or California, look outside, it’s going to be tremendous! You don’t want to miss this. Best nuclear war in all of history. An A+ war with A+ bombs!”

9) “TOTAL WITCH HUNT! NO COLLUSION! WHAT DO YOU mean this isn’t Twitter? What’s the difference?”

10) “covfefe”

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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14 Responses to 10 Messages From FEMA’s Presidential Alert System

  1. Tippy Gnu says:

    Oh man. The photo of Trump tweeting says it all, but everything on the list gave me a good laugh, too. And since I live in California, #8 also gave me a scare.

    Like

  2. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    I must share this … it’s really not that far away from reality!! Just like HIM ….

    Like

  3. Steve Ruis says:

    It would have been funnier if it had’t been so close to the bone!

    Like

  4. Douglas E says:

    It certainly is difficult to satirize the Orange Draft Dodger since nearly all non-profane mocking is way too close to the truth. Regardless, X, we very much appreciate your efforts!

    Like

  5. The likelihood of your fictions become fact under the Current Resident is high. Very high. I look forward to the day I see El Presidente’s name in my phone screen. Surely, that would be the end of him, wouldn’t it? There’d be no way to spin that into something positive. Even a skilled blabbermouth like Sara Huckasands couldn’t back-pedal that one

    Like

  6. Another One:

    We are going to have a tremendous election in November – the biggest in history. All of you must go out and vote except if you are voting for crooked Hillary’s party.

    Like

  7. Did they send out an alert when he became president???

    Like

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