10 Reasons Why Masks Are Terrible For You

It seems innocent enough at a first look. But look closely. Doesn’t it look like one of those terrifying horror movie aliens that jump onto people’s faces and choke them?

There has been a lot of speculation about whether people should wear masks to protect themselves and others from COVID-19 or shouldn’t, and scientists don’t really help, because they keep coming up with different answer seemingly every couple of weeks. Seriously, science, can’t you just pick one thing and just stick to it for the next couple thousand years, like religion does? Luckily, there are tens of millions of self-educated epidemiologists and Google-trained mask experts on Facebook, and from their combined wisdom here are 10 reasons why masks are bad for you.

1)  Masks are reducing the flow of oxygen to your brain. Did you know that the air inside the mask is 78% nitrogen and only 21% oxygen?

2)  Requiring people to wear masks is tyranny. What’s next, requiring people to wash their hands after going to the bathroom, and, speaking of which, going to the bathroom – in the bathroom?

3)  Wearing masks makes it harder to engage in exercises such as running or bicycling: the mask straps push your ears forward, creating additional air resistance that requires you to apply additional effort to move forward.

4)  They say that masks are easy to use, but, apparently, one does actually need 6 years of medical training to wear a mask properly – hey morons, when they say “social distancing”, they don’t mean your mask and your nose!

5)  Wearing masks makes people look like sheep. Although… come to think about it, it’s the sheep who are never wearing masks.

6)  They even require kids to wear masks, and kids are too small to wear masks! Can you imagine kids wearing mask, going from one place to another while wearing masks, hanging out with friends while wearing masks, talking to adults while wearing masks, getting snacks while wearing masks?! Okay, fine, but besides Halloween!?

7)  The design of the masks is so diabolically terrible that the holes in the filters are simultaneously too big to stop the virus from going through and too small to allow a 1000 times smaller oxygen molecules to slip through.

8)  It doesn’t matter that medical workers wear the masks for their protection, because medical workers are biologically different from the Real Americans.

9)  Masks make your immune system 5 times weaker. So if you might get COVID-19 without a mask, if you are wearing a mask you’ll get COVID-95!

10)  Masks do not protect from the virus. The best defense against a bad guy with a virus is a good guy with a virus.

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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35 Responses to 10 Reasons Why Masks Are Terrible For You

  1. Ankur Mithal says:

    And if they were good for you, personally, I mean from the making you richer perspective, Mr. Trump would be wearing it all the time. Does he?

    Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      I was actually going to answer this very question in my next post. (I accidentally wrote three posts while trying to write this one, so apparently masks have some additional undiscovered side effects.)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. rossmurray1 says:

    But #10 could lead to masked vigilantes!
    Always good to see an X list.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Tippy Gnu says:

    I’m just glad they figured out a way to make masks work for everyone, and not just health care professionals.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jim Wheeler says:

    Since masks protect not oneself but other people from you, they are a real-life test of altruism. The results so far in America are not reassuring, to say the least. Is Canada accepting new citizens?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Go Jules Go says:

    #3 is the reason I personally go mask-less. I can’t afford to be any slower [on the race to the toilet paper aisle].

    Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      And imagine having the mask straps getting stuck on the corner of a shelf of the toilet paper aisle? Or, should I say, the aisle formerly known as the toilet paper aisle?

      Like

  6. Trent Lewin says:

    And… schmack! This was badly needed, X. And hilarious. Number 1 is my favourite! I can’t live with such low oxygen, I’m afraid!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. “Wearing masks makes people look like sheep. Although… come to think about it, it’s the sheep who are never wearing masks.”

    heh 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    COMBINED WISDOM … “there are tens of millions of self-educated epidemiologists and Google-trained mask experts on Facebook, and from their combined wisdom.”

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Wait… so are you against the pro-not wearing masks crowd, or for the anti-gas wearing crowd?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Raphaelrlh says:

    Where is administration?
    I’ts important.
    Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Raphaelrlh says:

    Where is administration?
    It is about advertisement on your website.
    Regards.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Raphaelrlh says:

    Can I contact Administration?
    I’ts important.
    Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Raphaelrlh says:

    Can I contact Administration?
    It is important.
    Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Raphaelrlh says:

    Where is moderator??
    I’ts important.
    Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Raphaelrlh says:

    Can I contact Administration?
    It is about advertisement on your website.
    Regards.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Very Well said! The public needs to be educated!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. dolphinwrite says:

    Here’s another thought. While working at a zoo for two years and three winters, 10-13 hours a day, cleaning up after the animals, slaughtering road kills for the cats, washing animals and cages, taking out trash, working in many fields like scrubbing out refrigerators with rotting, fly infested meat, and so much more, I never got sick. I breathed everything in. I was often covered head to feet in germs. Never got sick. **The sickest people I have met are the ones worrying about becoming sick. The world makes my immune system stronger.

    Like

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