Barack Obama is scheduled to be visiting India this week, and although it will not cost $200 million per day as originally suggested, it is still expected to be a rather grand affair.  On their side, the Indian officials who are preparing for the US President’s visit are sparing no effort to make his visit to India as pleasant as possible.  Here are the 10 ways how India will prepare for Barack Obama’s visit:

1) Indian officials requested removal of all coconuts from the coconut palms around the temple Barack Obama is planning to visit so that a coconut does not fall on presidents head.  This is actually true: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/2010/11/04/2010-11-04_india_removes_all_coconuts_from_trees_around_gandhi_museum_to_prevent_them_from_.html

2) To not upset the honored guest, the Indian officials will also request to remove any Republicans from the coconut palms as well.

3) States of Maharashta and Haryana will be cordoned off and closed to pedestrian traffic and a cease-fire will be established in Kashmir so that full force of Indian military may be deployed to protect the American president visiting the country.

4) To enhance the visitor’s protection, the Indian Air Force fighters will be continuously flying in battle formations around the Taj Mahal Palace hotel where Barack Obama will be staying.  At night, so that the airplane noise does not disturb the sleep of American president, these jet fighters will be flying covered with pillows and silk coveralls to muffle the sound of their engines.

5) To preempt any potential questions about authenticity of Barack Obama birth certificate, Indian officials will present Mr. Obama with a completely authentic birth certificate indisputably certifying that Barack Hussein Obama was born of mother Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu (also known as Mother Teresa) and father God Shiva in city of Chicago, state of America.

6) Any rats, mice, or other disease transmitting small mammals will be caught and completely vaccinated against plague, flu and malaria so they do not spread any disease to the American delegation.

7) No nuclear weapon testing will allowed within a mile from the Taj Mahal Palace hotel.

8 ) In order to avoid reminding Barack Obama of the disappointing American mid-term elections and the Tea party, there will be no local elections held during the visit and tea will not be served to the guest.  In addition, Mr. Obama will be entertained by a show of snake charmers treading on snakes.

9) To fulfill president Barack Obama’s wishes to create more American jobs, 65,000 American jobs will be created in Chennai, Hyderabad and Bangalore.

10) And of course, the presidential suite toilets will be fixed on time, and maybe even the toilets at the Commonwealth games too.