10 Reactions To The Results of 2012 Election

Posted on November 8, 2012 by List of X
Donald Trump

According to some very reliable sources, Donald Trump had said something like “Blah-blah-blah-blah-Obama-blah-blah.  Oh, and BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-DISASTER!!!” (I have rephrased his statement for clarity).  He must have said something important, like demanding Obama’s kindergarten and daycare records. (Photo credit: Gage Skidmore)

In case you have missed it, a national election took place this Tuesday.  It actually wouldn’t be that surprising if you have missed it, because after the all the ballots had been counted, after $6 billion was spent, and after the dust had settled, Barack Obama is still president, Republicans still have majority in the House of Representatives, Democrats still have majority in the Senate with Republicans still fully in control there.  However, if you haven’t managed to miss it, you are now probably feeling relief that this election is finally over.  But, of course, not everybody reacted with relief, so here are 10 other reactions to the election results:

1)  Rush Limbaugh  conservative talk show host:  This election is invalid!  We have received multiple reports of widespread voter fraud, vote tampering and election rigging!  And I know that these reports are 100% accurate because our people were the ones doing it!

2)  Fox News:  Well, it’s absolutely clear that hurricane Sandy was the decisive factor which turned the election in favor of Obama.  And an interesting fact is that Sandy made landfall from the southeast, from across the Atlantic, and our channel’s meteorologists are very confident that Sandy had originated in Kenya!  Coincidence?  Conspiracy?  We will let our viewers decide.

3)  David Axelrod, Democratic strategist:  Well, of course, hurricane Sandy did not help Obama.  I mean, if a hurricane had helped Obama, that would means that God wanted Obama to win, right?

4)  Mitt Romney, retiree from Massachusetts:  I would like to congratulate the president on his historic victory.  And by the way, I’ll take a lot of credit for that.

5)  American Crossroads, SuperPAC:  Even though the elections are over, we still have so much cash left over in our coffers, that we will continue running anti-Obama ads at least though March 2015.

6)  CNN, NBC, ABC:  Well, this was a fun election… ratings were up, ads were WAY up… Is there any way to convince these guys to have an election every year?

7)  Karl Rove, Republican Strategist:  Nooooooooo!!! Obama tricksed usss!  He has stolen Ohio, my preciossss!  We needsed it!

8)  Paul Ryan, former Vice-Presidential nominee / Congressman:  Boy, am I glad I didn’t quit my day job!

9)  John Boehner, Speaker of the House:  By keeping the Republican majority in the House, the Americans have sent Washington a clear message that they want the legislative gridlock to continue.

10)  Reince Preibus, Republican Party Chairman:  The results of the election have shown that the only group on whose vote our party can consistently count, are the white males, and the only way we can increase our vote count is by increasing the number of white males. Therefore, starting today, the Republican Party will aggressively push for larger availability of sex change operations, and promote it to women as the only acceptable type of contraception.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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10 Responses to 10 Reactions To The Results of 2012 Election

  1. Laura's avatar Laura says:
    November 8, 2012 at 2:45 am

    That’s the most accurate description of Karl Rove I’ve seen today.

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  2. Scott Erb's avatar Scott Erb says:
    November 8, 2012 at 7:14 am

    Number four had me laughing out loud.

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  3. peerlesscynic's avatar peerlesscynic says:
    November 8, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Rove is Gollum like! Had me laughing, good stuff.

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  4. Steve Ruis's avatar stephenpruis says:
    November 8, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Bah, you insults us, my precious! Karl Rove is not likes us, Oh no, not all like us. –Gollum

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    • List of X's avatar List of X says:
      November 8, 2012 at 10:22 pm

      Are you absolutely sure? Ok, lets see… Blue eyes, blond thinning hair, yearns for the absolute power but wants to stay invisible, promises to lead you to your destination but leads you to hell, and creeps out small children and even some adults. Gollum is in a better physical shape, that’s all.

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  5. The Progressive Plug's avatar angrymanspeaks says:
    November 8, 2012 at 11:08 am

    “Mitt Romney, retiree from Massachusetts: I would like to congratulate the president on his historic victory. And by the way, I’ll take a lot of credit for that.”
    This is great. Mitt truly could make this claim. Off the hook man

    “John Boehner, Speaker of the House: By keeping the Republican majority in the House, the Americans have sent Washington a clear message that they want the legislative gridlock to continue.”
    Sadly, I just heard some Republican this morning saying almost exactly this.
    I didn’t catch his name and I don’t think it was Boehner but I am sure he would agree.
    What Boehner did say was that “The Republicans in the house stand ready to work with you; Mr President”
    AND (close but not a quote) I am ready to consider new sources of revenue but they need to be the right ones and the president needs to bring acceptable proposals etc.

    Sounds like the same old BS to me. What do you think?

    I do think the President has ways he can pressure more co-operation.
    We’ll see.

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    • List of X's avatar List of X says:
      November 8, 2012 at 10:29 pm

      “The Republicans in the house stand ready to work with you; Mr President” does not really mean anything. For all I know, they could just be mentally finishing up the sentence in their heads with, “…if you are willing to do exactly what we want you to do”. And I wonder what new sources of revenue Boehner has in mind, a poll tax?
      I think that Republicans are a little shell-shocked at the moment and may be willing to compromise somewhat for now, but I don’t know if it will last.

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