According to a recent news story, Russian hackers broke into the White House e-mail server and accessed and read thousands of unclassified E-mails, including those in the president Barack Obama’s account. The FBI and the US Secret Service have reported that hackers did not access any classified correspondence – although, of course, if hackers did get to the classified stuff, that fact would probably get immediately classified, too. In any case, the breach is a huge embarrassment to the White House. Here are 10 of the e-mails in Barack Obama’s account that Russian hackers were able to read.
1) From: Barack Obama
To: Hillary Clinton
“Hillary, why do you insist on using your private e-mail server and not our White House servers? Don’t you realize your E-mails could get hacked?”
2) From: Amazon.Com Fulfillment Center
To: Barry O.
“Thank you for using Amazon Prime. Your order has been shipped and will be delivered via our Amazon Drone program to the designated recipient in Pakistan within 2 to 3 business days.
Please don’t hesitate to use Amazon.com for all your future online orders.”
3) From: George W. Bush
To: Barack Obama or Current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington
“Hiya, its me George, I movd out of this place few years back. Just checking if you got any e-mails for me at this address. I’m just checking cause sinse after I movd out of their I stopd getting most of my mails and so was wundering if you had em. Thanx alot.”
4) From: Mitch McConnell (Republican senate majority leader)
To: Barack Obama
“Mister president. The Republican party considers your presidency the worst of the American history by far, and we will not rest until you are impeached, imprisoned, and deported.
P.S. By the way, happy birthday.”
5) From: Vladimir Putin
To: E-mail sender
“Thank you for your E-mail. Unfortunately, I am currently out of the office wrestling bears and opposition leaders, and will not have any access to E-mail during that time. If your country needs to contact me urgently, please declare independence and I will be with you very shortly.”
6) From: National Security Agency
To: Barack Obama
“Mr. President. We would like to express our concern that the NSA surveillance program overhaul proposal we found in your e-mail draft folder is extremely overreaching, and could damage our unfailing ability to protect the country from foreign threats.”
7) From: Bank of America
To: Loan applicant
“Dear customer, we regret to inform you that your mortgage loan application for $1,000,000,000,000.00 (one trillion dollars) to refinance your house at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC has been denied.
Reasons for the denial are:
[x] There is an existing $18.2 trillion mortgage on the house;
[x] Insufficient job security because you have indicated that your position is only temporary;
[x] Too many dependents listed on the application (318 million).”
8) From: Kim Jong-Un
To: All Filthy Americans
“We laugh at your puny threats! We will crush you and your putrid rotten American imperialism! America is a scourge of the world and everything American must be mercilessly destroyed in the blazing bonfire of the revolution!!
Sent from my iPhone”
9) From: Secret Service
To: The president
“Hello. We just want to let you know know that we just had another guy jump the fence around the White House. If you see a guy running through the Oval Office, would you mind giving us a call?”
10) From: Joseph Biden, Vice President
To: Barack Obama
“Barack! Did you know you can send letters from one computer to another? This electric mail thing is a gas!”