10 Reactions To New FBI Investigation Of Hillary Clinton’s Emails

"Note to self: fire James Comey.... Wait... Is this already on Wikileaks?" @DefinitelyNotARussianHacker: "Da." Image source: hacked from AP

“Note to self: fire James Comey…. Wait… Is this already on Wikileaks?”
@DefinitelyNotARussianHacker: “Da.”
Image source: hacked from AP

Last weekend, there was a new shocking development in the 2016 presidential election: James Comey, head of the FBI, informed Congress that FBI had seized a laptop belonging to serial sexter Anthony Weiner and his wife, top Clinton aide Huma Abedin, and found thousands of emails that may or may not be relevant to the FBI’s investigation of Hillary Clinton’s private email server. Of course, since there are only a few days before election, this revelation has caused a Samsung phone-like explosion, with Republicans once again demanding that Hillary Clinton is immediately imprisoned regardless of the outcome of the investigation, and Democrats blaming the FBI for conspiring with Russia and Wikileaks to help Donald Trump win the election. Here are 10 reactions to the Emailgate and the FBI investigation.

1)  Francois Hollande, President of France: “Ah, so the American Department of State had sent out official messages from the Anthony Weiner’s laptop. Finally, an explanation to why certain official State Department’s emails sometimes contained a close-up photo of a man’s penis.”

2)  Danny Ellison, Tump supporter: “Stupid libtards keep saying Trump is Hitler, Hitler this, Hitler that! Well, you can say what you want about Hitler, but at least Hitler didn’t use a private email server!!”

3)  Michael Kortan, FBI spokesperson: “According to the recently adopted FBI policy, whenever FBI obtains a laptop in connection to any crime committed by any American or foreigner, and discover any e-mails on it, the Bureau will immediately re-open the investigation of the Clinton e-mail server and will promptly inform the American public about it, ideally right before an election.”

4)  Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump campaign manager: “These new emails just confirm despicable duplicity and dishonesty by Hillary Clinton: while presenting a cold and calculating facade in public, she was actually trying to help people behind the scenes! Disgusting!”

5)  Vladimir Putin, President of Russia: American media accuses Russia of hacking Clinton emails and meddling in American election to help Donald Trump who is brilliant man and strong leader! This is absolutely false accusation! Russia has nothing to do with hacked emails posted on Wikileaks, and nothing to do with additional shocking emails that  someone will post there tomorrow!”

6)  Newt Gingrich, former US speaker/morality expert: “It’s disgusting to think that Hillary Clinton knew about Anthony Weiner molesting teenagers and did nothing! And of course Hillary had to know about this, because whenever Anthony Weiner is sexting anyone, he is always sexting everyone else who has a Twitter account!”

7)  Abacha Tunde, Prince of Nigeria: “Dear Mr. Hillary Clinton; I have continued diligentely expecting response on the urgent matter of your help in the helping acessing to $57,100,100 (fifty seven million one hundred thousand one-hundred U.S. dollar) on my deceased unlcle Prince Osagie Tunde assets account in exchange for your services generouslyy compensated at $15,200,000. I was fearing our request was being lost, but thankfully to the fastidious looking of Federal BI I now am hopeful you now shall locate the originatory query and respond positively.”

8)  Fox News: “A shocking new discovery in the new cache of Clinton emails reveals that Hillary Clinton was in talks to to accept a $15 million bribe to facilitate a $57 million transfer to Nigeria, clearly to finance the Nigerian terrorist organization Boko Haram!”

9)  Mitt Romney, former Republican presidential candidate: “Unfortunately, Donald Trump is such a weak candidate that he might lose this easily winnable election to Hillary Clinton. It’s too bad the Republican party isn’t running a strong candidate like they did in 2012, or maybe someone like Condoleezza Rice – just imagine, a former female Secretary of State who used a private email server and supported the war in Iraq versus a former female Secretary of State who used a private email server and supported the war in Iraq? That would have been a no-brainer!”

10)  Donald Trump, Republican presidential candidate: ……. (There was no reaction from Donald Trump, since someone finally explained to him that the less he talks, the better it is for his campaign.)

 

 

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to 10 Reactions To New FBI Investigation Of Hillary Clinton’s Emails

  1. Ankur Mithal says:

    Would private email servers qualify as a “private parts”?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. aFrankAngle says:

    The French comment got us off to a great start … and it hung on as my favorite … Besides, I heard Conway say that!

    Like

  3. Twindaddy says:

    I’m not so sure #8 isn’t true…

    Like

  4. Tippy Gnu says:

    I’m glad the FBI is out there protecting us from electing someone who knows someone who’s married to a pervert. They’re making America great again, by returning us to the days of J. Edgar Hoover. Who protected us from homosexuals, while being one himself.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Hitler actually had to use the German post office to send out millions of black and white photos of his lieder-hose-covered schlong… but he did sign every one of them.

    Like

  6. Jim Wheeler says:

    This just in from Karl Rove: “This latest trove of Hillary emails proves what we’ve always suspected. Lying Hillary has been plotting in secret to tell people what they want to hear instead of honestly blurting out whatever comes to mind (like, ahem, our great candidate does). This proves she’s a politician! Round ’em up and vote ’em out! The era of amateurs has begun!”

    Like

  7. I’d say that this stuff writes itself, but you and I know better. Any mention of Anthony Weiner gets me a few hits on the old Weiner’s weiner interview post, so I can’t complain.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Jim Wheeler says:

    Reblogged this on Still Skeptical After All These Years and commented:
    List of X has done it again. If you still need some perspective on this crazy election, please take refuge in this humor, the last refuge from political insanity!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I can’t believe Abacha Tunde was contacting other potential investors behind my back.

    Like

  10. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    “Ten Reactions To New FBI Investigation Of Hillary Clinton’s Emails …. ”
    There’s truth in jest ….

    Like

  11. Xena says:

    That was a great laugh. Now, if only we knew was Sarah Palin said about it. LOL!

    Like

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