10 Super Terrifying Things Joe Biden Will Do To You If Elected

Official Joe Biden photo distributed by the Republican National Committee

A virtual Republican party convention is taking place this week (it’s “virtual” since the Republican party is no longer a “real” party but more of a Trump cult). At the convention, various members of the Trump family and a handful of not-as-of-yet fired and/or imprisoned associates and loyalists of Donald Trump made speeches offering a message of hope and optimism and a mountain of messages of doom and gloom that would befall our country should a Democratic nominee Joe Biden win the 2020 presidential election. However, judging by the polls that show Biden ahead of Trump, the Republicans’ message of fear and disaster is not sufficiently resonating with the average Americans. To make this message truly resonate, here are 10 horrible and scary things that Joe Biden would do to this country, and TO YOU PERSONALLY, if elected.

1)  Joe Biden will come to your house and MURDER YOUR CAT. And since many people own zero cats, and some people had worked hard and accumulated many cats, Joe Biden will punish the multi-cat-owners more severely and will REDISTRIBUTE their DEAD CATS to the LAZY CATLESS PEOPLE!

2)  Joe Biden will DESTROY our beautiful suburbs!! On November 4, he’ll show up on a tow truck, drive over your beautiful just-mowed lawn, and as your beautiful – and VERY SCARED CHILDREN are helplessly screaming, Mommy, Mommy, what is the mean man doing to us!? – Sleepy Jow will personally load up YOUR BEAUTIFUL HOUSE onto the tow truck and drop it off right in the middle of the most CRIME-INFESTED URBAN area within the standard 50 mile towing range!!!!

3)  On November 18, when Sleepy Joe Biden will finally remember that he saw your BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN when stealing your house, he will tell Kamala Harris about them, and she will show up to PERFORM A VERY LATE TERM ABORTION on them!!!!

4)  Joe Biden will TAX YOU to give free stuff to THEM, unlike Donald Trump, who’ll tax THEM and give FREE STUFF (like a free border wall) to YOU!!!!!

5)  Joe Biden will make COAL AND OIL ILLEGAL and his JACK-BOOTED THUGS will make everyone use solar and wind energy, so you will no longer be able to watch Fox News 24-7 like you do everyday BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NO ELECTRICITY at night!!!!!

6)  Joe Biden will give CITIZENSHIP to chickens, no questions asked, and you know who these hippie free-range cluck-clucks-clan supporting chickens would vote for!!!!!

7)  If Joe Biden is elected, there would be NO MORE WATER. All the water will be FROZEN SOLID into ICE by the global-warming-hating Democrats, and if you get thirsty and wanted to defrost some water in your microwave, you better hope it is sunny enough for your microwave to power up!!!!!

8)  If elected, Joe Biden WILL KILL GOD, yes, our tremendous immortal and omnipotent God, Who is just being recognized for the great things he has been doing recently, is IN GRAVE DANGER!!!  The no-good Joe Biden will break through the Pearly Gates of Heaven, run up to God, smell His hair, and STAB HIM in the Back, and our omniscient God won’t even know what hit Him!!!! Why else would have Democrats nominated a guy who’s SO OLD that he could DIE and meet our Lord so very soon?!?!?!

9)  Joe Biden will institute SOCIALISM all over this great country!!! That’s right, he’ll take socialism away from the America’s great crony capitalists and politicians and redistribute it to the poor, even “black” people!!!!!!!

10)  If Joe Biden is elected, there would be RIOTS AND LOOTING in the streets, there would be SKY-HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT, there would be VIOLENT CRIME and CANCEL CULTURE and THOUSANDS OF DEAD from the Chinese Coronavirus!  So, it would be kind of just like now, but it would be ALL JOE BIDEN’S FAULT!!!!!!!

Oh, you thought this list will stop at 10, as usual? NOPE!!!! Turning up the fear factor UP TO ELEVEN!!!!!

11)  Joe Biden will give ALL ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS a SOCIALIST HEALTHCARE with DEATH PANELS that will kill them all!!!… no, wait, that’s… actually a good thing, so ignore that… BUT he WILL NOT GIVE SOCIALIZED HEALTHCARE TO ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!!!!… ummm….that’s also good…. this is confusing… uhhh… Anyway, BENGHAZI!!!!! HILLARY’S EMAILS!!!!!!!  BAD!!!! SCARY!!!! OOOOOOOH!!!!

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to 10 Super Terrifying Things Joe Biden Will Do To You If Elected

  1. If I’m not mistaken, I believe every one of those ten claims has been actually used at the Republican Convention…and that’s only after the first two days!

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    • List of X says:

      I haven’t been really following. I know that at RNC, anyone who is not a die-hard Trumper is a spawn Devil made with Hitler, genetically modified to replace any of its in any way redeeming qualities with the worst qualities of Joseph Stalin. So maybe what I have here is a softened version of the real speeches.

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  2. kingmidget says:

    Sadly, if you put this out in the right-wing blogosphere, it would probably be shared profusely and become a part of the right-wing bible.

    Sheesh.

    Like

  3. Tippy Gnu says:

    You’re doing a good job for the Dems with this one. Or the GOP–I can’t figure out which. But I think in this election, the side that does the best job of inspiring fear of the other side will win. Come to think of it, that’s all elections.

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    • List of X says:

      If it all hinges on who scares their base more thoroughly, then the Republicans will win. For a party that hold courage and bravery and other manly qualities, the are sure afraid of a lot of things.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ankur Mithal says:

    End of the day, is there a difference? Post suggestion – 10 similarities between Democrats and Republicans? 😉

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  5. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Hey … this is all about Joe!! … “judging by the polls that show Biden ahead of Trump, the Republicans’ message of fear and disaster is not sufficiently resonating with the average Americans. “

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  6. Well I am not voting for him then… who is that other guy… the orange one?

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  7. Here is another one —- Sleepy Jow, when he was awake, WHICH IS RARELY, worked for a BLACK man. Do you want to be ruled by someone who worked under a Black man?

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  8. Trent Lewin says:

    As a Canadian, this makes me want to become a US citizen and punch Joe Biden in the nose.

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