And this famous photo that supposedly shows the White House officials watching the bin Laden raid? They’re actually watching the American Idol.
In a just-released bombshell report, the Pulitzer Prize winning journalist Seymour Hersh has questioned the Obama administration’s official story of how exactly Osama bin Laden had died. According to Hersh and his very anonymous source, the Pakistanis knew about the American SEAL Team 6 raid in advance, because they kept bin Laden under house arrest in a compound paid by Saudis, the story of how the CIA found bin Laden is also completely made up, and everything that was true was covered up. However, I have my own, just as trustworthy and well-connected anonymous source. I won’t give you my…I mean, the source’s name, but believe me, the information from my source is even more sensational than from Hersh’s. Here are 10 of these revelations.
1) The SEALs whom Obama credited with killing bin Laden aren’t the lovable marine mammals as you may have been led to believe, but are actually humans with extensive military training.
2) Osama bin Laden wasn’t killed by a bullet, but by a heart attack resulting from frustration due to his inability to sign up for Obamacare.
3) The money which Saudis were paying for bin Laden’s compound came from selling popular “Where’s bin Laden?” books.
4) Contrary to Obama’s and CIA’s assertion that outside of a few people in the White House and the Pentagon no one including the Pakistanis knew about the raid, Pakistanis knew, Saudis knew, and pretty much everyone was aware of the operation. In fact, according to my source, you were the only one left in the dark.
5) Every senior Pakistani official, including the prime minister and head of Pakistan’s intelligence service, had been taking acting classes for decades so that upon hearing the news of the American raid they could convincingly portray ignorance and outrage.
6) Osama bin Laden wasn’t found by the CIA thanks to the information they obtained by water-boarding terror suspects. In reality, CIA has pinpointed bin Laden’s location after he checked in at “Abbotabad compound” on Facebook. (CIA, however, was forced to water-board Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg to get him to explain how to modify Facebook settings to stop bin Laden’s check-ins and selfies from popping up in CIA’s Facebook feed every few seconds).
7) The bearded man in the strange dress shot at the compound was actually Santa Claus. Every parent who has been telling their children about Santa’s list, his visits, and his presents was complicit in the cover-up.
8) There was no Pakistani doctor who helped find bin Laden while doing polio vaccinations in the Abbottabad area. You can now scratch “helps defeat international terrorism” from the already embarrassingly short list of vaccination benefits.
9) The true name of the town in which bin Laden’s compound was located wasn’t Abbottabad, but Costellobad.
10) When Barack Obama had been reading the speech about the success of the raid, he stood behind a podium, because he was covering up an unzipped fly.
List of X 
Gunny X. I especially like Costellobad.
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Should read “Funny” – although I understand you were right there when it happened disguised as a Gunny – sorry i let it slip.
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According to my anonymous source, “Gunny” is the correct spelling for “Funny”.
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Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
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Thank you for the reblog!
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I want them to re-film Seal Team 6: The Raid on Osama Bin Laden Rashomon-style using each of these scenarios. The original film was a stinker so maybe one of those will work.
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And, of course, we’d need bin Laden’s perspective as well, to be fair.
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Obviously you haven’t been witness to the killing power of your average saltwater seal. I swam with a seal once, and I thought we would become chummy in that way that humans and animals sometimes are. But instead I was whapped upside the head several times and had a nasty, bulbous nose smashed against my privates. So yeah, I think it’s entirely possible that seals rather than Seals killed Osama bin Laden. Per Mark’s note above, I think this story would make an awesome movie, although I would really appreciate it if you could get Jessica Chastain to sign on as the seal-loving Greenpeace activist.
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Hi Trent.
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Hello Frank, how are you? Hopefully be over to your site soon, I am weening my way back into the blogworld.
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Hey there … great to see you back on the board … please see this past post as I would appreciate your feedback. http://tinyurl.com/otpdpn3 🙂
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Ummm, Trent… I think that was the seal’s way of saying that he’s interested in mating with you.
As for movie, I’m thinking a story about a band of scrappy misfits walking across half the world to destroy a powerful sorcerer by dropping him into an enchanted volcano.
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Can I play the volcano??? I will spew like a boss.
Ohhhhhh….. that poor seal. I just never knew…
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So you’re volunteering for the dark sorcerer to be thrown into you?
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Volcanoes gotta eat too!
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This head whapping explains a lot! 😉
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You mean like Trent’s long absences?
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Yes! You should do a list of X on that! Ha!
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Hmmm… I will think about that.
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Well don’t hurt yourself. I would be hilarious!
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Yeah, I bet if I hurt myself that would really be hilarious. 🙂
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Well if you hurt yourself thinking it would be.
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I think my head hurts already…. 🙂
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Just put some ice on while you think. It’ll help.
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Oh boy…
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Yes Trent you are a boy. That’s very good..
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Unzipped fly? Are you suggesting ol’ Bill was in charge of this operation?
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Only the part of it that happened inside the Oval Office.
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Vaccination causes autism and terrorism. I knew it.
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That, and vaccines also cause people to get jabbed with sharp needles.
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
This I have to share …. read all of it. Very interesting … not giving anything away!!
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Thank you for the reblog! Don’t worry about giving it away, because my source can always make up more stuff.
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This is the second article I’ve seen you posted along these lines. Can’t remember the first one right off the bat. Great job …. Peace ….
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Proof positive that vaccinations are dangerous.
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As if Jenny McCarthy’s opinion isn’t enough proof.
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Exactly!
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Although Costellobad got a good chuckle, #2 is a winner!
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Speaking of #2, maybe bin Laden’s problem was that he had signed up for the Osamacare instead. 🙂
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Sounds reasonable.
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Number 8 was sublime and then to follow up with Number 9, you’re a genius of the subversive.
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Thank you – but I don’t know if I really deserve this praise. Honestly, “sublime” and “subversive” aren’t even a part of my vocabulary. 🙂
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You failed to note that Osama bin Laden is actually still alive, living with Elvis in a UFO behind a comet.
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I did failed to note that! You’re right! My anonymous source will be severely punished for withholding such crucial information.
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I don’t know how you do this – every one of them is hysterical. 🙂
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I didn’t do any of this – that was all my anonymous source, remember? 🙂
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Oh that’s right – I did see that…well tell him he’s really good with these lists 🙂
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I will be sure to relay your compliments to him. 🙂
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These are great. #s 5 and 9 made me laugh out loud. Abbott- and Costellobad. Ha! (And I guess the fact I get that reference makes me officially old.)
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Or it makes you an expert on comedy. 🙂
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Great list. I wonder how many youngsters will get #9? Love the old timey reference.
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More than you think, probably. Personally, I never seen these two on TV, but I still know who they are.
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I am impressed.
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That was awesome… but seriously… they guy is living in our basement…
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In your basement? Is this where you keep the Pulitzer prize winners?
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No… the other guy… the guy they all say they killed… however it happened… I am just saying that they all need to get their story straight.
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Ohhhh…the dead guy is living in your basement, got it.
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oh… I should check on that… I mean, he wasn’t dead last time I looked, but I don’t feed him or anything.
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Shocking how your source told you all this and isn’t living in an undisclosed safe house in Russia. Or is he?
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If my anonymous source keeps leaking secrets, he might have to move there.
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Well no more kissing Santa Clause underneath the mistletoe for me.
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Yes, I think you can stop now. He really needs to get back to the North Pole. 🙂
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Okay okay I’ll stop..
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By the way, I now got an earworm out of “I saw Gibber kissing Santa Claus”. 🙂
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Ahaha! I didn’t plan that but funny!
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Seymour Hersh! Is that hack still using his same anonymous sources to write anything for a buck? I think your anonymous sources were dead on, especially with number 2 and 10. X, you’ve done it again.
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I honestly had no idea who this Simon Hersh is. But I thought – a Pulitzer prize winner, so probably wasn’t just some garden-variety conspiracy theory hack.
I should have consulted my own anonymous sources before posting this.
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Not to worry. I am sure your anonymous sources are top notch and would have come to the same conclusion as the New York Times and Washington Post did… that his material was not carefully researched enough, and therefore not worthy of inclusion in the always reputable, List of X. ;o)
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Spot on. You can tell by the grim intensity on the faces of the entire White House staff how shocked they were that whats-his-name won American Idol.
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Yes, what’s-his-name was a good contender and had a great voice, but he just isn’t nearly as memorable as, say, Kelly Clarkson.
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This is all entirely plausible and almost certainly the correct version of events. Of course nobody should condone waterboarding, but desperate times etc…. I presume Mr Zuckerberg was also externally rendered to get around any ‘legal issues’?
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Yes. He was extradited to MySpace where they have a serious grudge against him.
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I’m taking notes. Furiously.
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Planning someone’s assassination? 🙂
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No 1. really tickled me.
And let me tell you, if a real Navy Seal tickled me, I wouldn’t complain 😉
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Wait, are you talking about the seals that wear a uniform or the seals that wear wet fur?
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I’ll never tell… 😉
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Hilarious! I loved the bit about Mark Zuckerberg – really intrusive are the ways of Facebook and its brothers/sisters in Social media.
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