Last week, Donald Trump went to Vietnam to meet the North Korean leader Kim Jong Un in a historic summit, their second historic, even more historic than their first historic summit. The summit was a resounding success – you are reading this, which means you and the rest of the world haven’t yet perished in a worldwide nuclear apocalypse. However, the lying mainstream media has already falsely branded the summit a failure, choosing to focus on unimportant metrics like both leaders leaving the summit early without signing any agreements. Here are 10 reasons why the summit was a total failure, I mean, a great success:
1) Trump didn’t really give his 100% to the negotiation because he knew that the Nobel Peace Prize was already in his pocket.
2) Secretary of State Mike Pompeo did not have the courage to tell Donald Trump that the “Noble Piece Prize” that Donald Trump had in his pocket was just a novelty gift an aide bought in a joke shop.
3) Although the goal of the meeting was to demonstrate that North Korea was serious about giving up its nuclear weapons, all throughout the meeting Kim Jong Un kept playing with his big red nuclear button and occasionally pretending to press it while making loud explosions noises.
4) Donald Trump was very angry that his aides did not bring his own big red nuclear button to the meeting.
5) Donald Trump wasn’t really planning to sign any documents, since the real purpose of his visit to Vietnam was to find a low-priced Vietnamese sweatshop to produce Ivanka’s “made in America” clothing.
6) Vice President Mike Pence was very upset that Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un sat him next to a woman and kept asking to go home.
7) Donald Trump was very distracted and kept looking at his phone to watch his former lawyer Michael Cohen’s testimony before Congress, and constantly interrupted the meeting with loud outbursts of profanities and angry yelling.
8) Kim Jong Un was also very distracted and kept interrupting the meeting with outbursts of loud laughter while apparently watching the same testimony on his phone.
9) Donald Trump found it impossible to tweet because twitter is blocked within 10 mile radius from Kim Jong Un, and couldn’t handle the withdrawal for more than 24 hours.
10) Donald Trump refused to sign the denuclearization agreement with North Korea once he found out that the document doesn’t provide any funding for his southern border wall.