10 Countries That Refused To Grant Political Asylum To Edward Snowden

Posted on July 9, 2013 by List of X

Edward Snowden spent years perfecting his “whistle-blower in a headlight” look. (Photo credit: ABCNews.com)

Edward Snowden, the famous Booz Allen Hamilton national security contractor turned whistle-blower  has been living in the transit zone of a Moscow airport for the last few days. During this time, he has been busy applying for political asylum to nearly every country on the planet, and it hasn’t been going too well. Although Snowden is still waiting to hear back from Narnia, Westeros, and Utopia, many countries have already refused to grant political asylum to him. Here are 10 of the countries that refused to accept Snowden.

1)  Russia: the country would not be a welcoming place for a leaker, because Russia’s freezing climate makes any leaking activity practically impossible.

2)  Greece: the European Union refused to provide additional bailout money to pay the officials to review and approve Snowden’s asylum application.

3)  Vatican: the Roman Catholic Church officially declared that they do not provide asylum to people accused of treason and espionage. However, the Church noted that it would be willing to reconsider its decision if it turns out that Edward Snowden is also a pedophile and a child molester.

4)  North Korea: the country won’t be admitting any whistle-blowers, because no one needs to know that North Korean missiles are actually made of cardboard and powered by pushing really hard.

5)  Nigeria: the country received a request from someone claiming to be a high-profile international fugitive requiring their urgent assistance for moving into their country and promising generous compensation from his financial backers, and, naturally, deleted Snowden’s message as spam.

6)  Mexico: if America doesn’t want their illegal immigrants, Mexican government sure doesn’t want any illegal Americans either.

7)  Switzerland: the country is committed to maintaining neutrality in all international matters and will not consider Snowden’s asylum application. However, the Swiss offered their help in hiding Snowden’s $200,000 salary from the US taxes.

8)  Saudi Arabia: with Snowden’s pale skin and his propensity for showing his face everywhere, he will most likely get sunburned and/or kidnapped by their American allies.

9)  India: why would they need this overpaid American security leaker when they can find five qualified and trained local associates to leak state secrets for half the cost?

10)  United States: due to Snowden’s treason and espionage against the US, he could never be granted political asylum by the United States government. However, Booz Allen has a shortage of qualified national security contractors, and would be willing to offer Mr. Snowden a temporary work visa.

Posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 62 Comments

10 Reactions To The Supreme Court Decisions On Gay Marriage And Voting Rights Act

Posted on June 27, 2013 by List of X
United States Supreme Court building.

United States Supreme Court. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This Wednesday, Supreme Court has overturned the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), essentially granting married same-sex couples the same federal benefits that were previously available only to heterosexual couples.  The groundbreaking decision followed a much more conservative Tuesday’s ruling that struck down a section of 1965 Voting Rights Act to make it easier for the states to implement election rules that would discriminate against the minorities.  Here are 10 of the reactions to the Supreme Court ruling on these two cases.

1)  Rush Limbaugh, conservative talk show host:  “This is an outrage!  Gays will destroy the sanctity of marriage!  They already destroyed the sanctity of three of my previous marriages!”

2)  Mitt Romney, businessman/former Presidential candidate:  “I am very excited about the Supreme Court’s decision.  As you remember, the Court had previously decided that corporations are people, so I’m looking forward to the day when two corporations will finally be able to get legally married.”

3)  Ted Cruz, Tea Party spokesman:  “We are, of course, disappointed by the decision, but we can still try to limit the proliferation of gay marriage by requiring anyone who applies for a gay marriage license to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound. But, as a good faith compromise, we will require this procedure of only one of the two applicants, while the second applicant will have to undergo a prostate examination.”

4)  Black And Latino LBGT Alliance:  “We’re really in a bind about those mixed signals the Supreme Court is sending us: on one hand, they just made it easier for us to get married, but on the other hand they just made it harder for us to vote.”

5)  Michele Bachmann, Tea Party Congresswoman:  “The gay marriage ban was perfectly constitutional!  It’s the Court’s decision that’s unconstitutional!  Look for yourself!  The Bible CLEARLY says that gay marriage is UNCONSTITUTIONAL!!!

6)  Justice Anthony Kennedy, whose vote made the majority in both cases:  “I have to maintain my swing vote reputation, and therefore after carefully reviewing all the arguments on both cases, I have determined that I would side with the conservative Justices on Voting Rights Act and with liberals on DOMA if the coin comes up heads, and other way around if it comes up tails.”

7)  John Boehner, Speaker of the House: “To strike down a popular legislation that had passed with overwhelming bipartisan majority and has been an established law for decades, is a despicable example of pure, unadulterated judicial activism… Wait, are we talking about the Court striking down DOMA or about the Court striking down the Voting Rights Act?  Oh, Voting Rights… Well, then the Supreme Court was absolutely within its rights.”

8)  Joe Biden, Vice President: (said nothing, but upon hearing the news on DOMA giddily hugged President Obama and engaged him in a long celebratory kiss until he had to be pulled away by the Secret Service agents).

9)  Mike Huckabee, Fox News pundit:  “When he heard this decision, Jesus wept!  Though, honestly, from where I was sitting, it was really hard to see if Jesus was weeping because he was so upset, or because he was so happy…”

10)  National Security Agency:  “Huh? Who where when what now?  Gay marriage was legal??  Sorry, we were really busy monitoring your calls for the Chinese take-out.”

Posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 53 Comments

10 Republican Proposals To Reform Immigration

Posted on June 25, 2013 by List of X
English: The beach on the Pacific Ocean at the...

One of the purposes of the immigration reform would be to mend fences with our neighbors.  Literally. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For several months, Senate has been working on a bill to reform the immigration system and is now getting ready to vote on it.  While Republicans aren’t exactly excited about giving out American citizenship to anyone other than older white Christian males, many of them still wish that the reform happens and helps improve the GOP’s reputation among the fast-growing Hispanic voter block.  So here are 10 Republican proposals to reform immigration.

1)  Because the immigrants should have a path to citizenship, but not a blanket amnesty, the reform will offer young immigrants a way to win American citizenship via a Hunger Games-like contest.

2)  Employers who have hired undocumented workers will punished by fines and having to hire only American workers from now on.

3)  The Republican Party will try to reach out to Latino voters by rephrasing the party message so that it will resonate with Hispanics.  Speaking of which, how do you say “get the hell back to your damn country” in Spanish?

4)  People who want to live in this country must learn English.  This means that those people who still don’t know the difference between “There”, “They’re”, and “Their” will be rounded up and deported.  Their have been warned.

5)  The path to citizenship should not be a cakewalk.  Instead, anyone who wants to become a citizen should have to jump through hoops and hurdles – because our country only needs the immigrants who are physically fit.

6)  For the guest worker program, United States Citizenship and Immigration Service will streamline the issuance of work permits and hang-around-the-water-cooler-and-surf-the-Internet-all-day permits.

7)  To reverse the flow of illegal immigrants from Mexico, fence posts on the border will be equipped with “Bienvenidos a Mexico!” signs facing south.

8)  Homeland Security should step up surveillance and deportations of the groups that are likely to be involved in violent terrorist acts.  Judging by recent shootings in Newtown, Aurora, and Arizona, we should begin by deporting white Americans.

9)  To protect the border, Border Patrol will need to hire 50,000 new agents.  However, since the agency’s budget had been cut as a part of sequester, the agency won’t be able to afford to pay even the minimum wage to new hires  – which will ensure that the number of undocumented workers in the country will immediately drop by 50,000.

10)  Since the United States attracts immigrants simply by being one of the richest and most tolerant countries in the world, we can remove the incentive to immigrate to the US by making the country poorer and more bigoted.

Posted in List of 10 | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 71 Comments

10 Ways How The Government Is Spying On You

Posted on June 13, 2013 by List of X
MAGNIFYING GLASS

You will look like a bigger security threat should the NSA look at you through a magnifying glass. (Photo credit: andercismo)

The biggest story of the last couple of weeks has been the leak by a National Security Agency contractor Edward Snowden, who had disclosed the details of the extensive spying programs that the United States government has been running for years. According to released documents, NSA is logging phone calls, electronic communications and web content with the help of major phone and internet companies. Here are 10 of the ways how the government is spying on you.

1)  By applying a combination of mind control and hypnosis, the government had successfully made many people conduct all their private cell phone conversations in public in a loud voice.

2)  When a Windows program crashes and you click OK on a pop-up message asking you if you want to send a report of what went wrong, the report that you send includes the log of everything you did on your computer since you bought it.

3)  NSA monitors and records every phone call you make to another country. You probably think you never call foreign countries, don’t you? Think again: when was the last time you called customer service and got connected to someone in India?

4)  When you play Farmville on Facebook, please keep in mind that at least one of every ten Farmville cows works for the government.

5)  When you get an e-mail from Nigeria asking for your assistance for transferring millions of dollars through your bank account, the NSA gets the copy of that e-mail. This is why you can never get any money from the Nigerian princes and generals: it’s because the NSA gets to it first.

6)  When you happily accepted Facebook friend requests from those cute girls you’ve never seen before, you should have paid more attention to their rather peculiar names, Cia and Nsa.

7)  If you are a blogger at WordPress, you’ve probably noticed multiple bogus WordPress accounts that have began following your blog recently. If you thought they were spammers and wondered why WordPress can’t just get rid of them, now you know.

8)  NSA created FourSquare and Facebook location tagging features so that they know where you are at all times without having to send agents to track you in person.

9)  NSA and CIA routinely search for blog posts with key words like “terrorism”, “Al-Qaeda”, “bomb”, “bombing”, “how to create a bomb”, “bin Laden”, “Jihad”, “detonator for sale”. Ooops… Oh well, at least this post will get a few more views.

10)  The government runs a covert program to keep tabs on everyone’s political views. The data is collected on the 1st Tuesday in November of every even-numbered year.

Please feel free to leave a comment, but be aware that a copy of it will be automatically sent to the NSA.

Posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 77 Comments

10 Conspiracy Theories Explaining Lipstick On Barack Obama’s Collar

Posted on June 6, 2013 by List of X
Wait, you didn't see that picture?? That’s because lamestream media was complicit in the cover-up of the story!!!

Wait, you didn’t see that picture??  Oh, that’s because the lamestream media was complicit in the cover-up of the story!!!

Last week, Barack Obama appeared in public with an obvious lipstick smear on his shirt collar. While in the last few years, any Obama-related story would have generated a lot of noise from the people seeking to peddle their conspiracy theories about the evil Obama administration, the Tea Party crowd hasn’t been actively putting forward any conspiracy theories about this egregious scandal.  Just as shockingly, not a single Republican Congressman demanded an investigation.  So I will have to pick up the slack, and provide 10 Tea Party-compatible conspiracy theories explaining this outrageous incident.

1)  The mark is not a trace from someone’s lips, but is meant to represent two Islamic crescents because Obama is secretly Muslim. The crescents are red because Obama is also a Communist.

2)  Michelle Obama only pretends to be Barack Obama’s wife, and never actually kisses him on the face. But this week, she angrily confronted a heckler, because she was jealous, and suspected that the heckler was the one who did it.

3)  It’s a secret signal for the law enforcement to come out and confiscate everyone’s guns.  The only reason why these jack-booted federal thugs haven’t gone out yet, is because the order is still making its way through the bloated, wasteful, and inefficient Washington bureaucracy.

4)  Obama wears lipstick because he’s secretly gay, kissed himself because he’s a self-centered narcissist, and was able to reach his own shirt collar because he’s spineless.

5)  The president was kissed by the Saudi King while Obama was bowing to the king: not only Obama humiliated himself by bowing to our sworn enemy, he also disrespected our loyal ally by avoiding his kiss.

6)  These are vampire bite marks: Obama asked Robert Pattinson to bite his neck, so that Obama also turns into a vampire, gains immortality and becomes a dictator until the end of times.  (Which he will cause because he’s also the Antichrist)

7)  Obama has intentionally drawn a smudge resembling lipstick, in order to try to distract the media attention from the Benghazi scandal, and then use the Benghazi scandal to draw the media attention away from the Lipstickgate.

8)  This mark conclusively proves that Obama was born in Kenya: there’s a guy who says that his sister is friends with a woman, who saw a Kenyan birth certificate for someone with a different name, but with the exact same mark.

9)  The mark was left by the smudged digits “1” and “6”. Obama plans to illegally run for president in 2016, and while his loyal minions have convinced him to take off the “2016” pin until then, the paint didn’t come off completely.

10)  He wears lipstick on his collar instead of the flag pin, because he hates America.

Do you have your own theory?  Well, you better have one, because when you don’t have a conspiracy theory, it means you are a part of the conspiracy.

Posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

10 Reasons Why Senator John McCain Snuck Into Syria

Posted on May 29, 2013 by List of X
John McCain

Senator McCain had forgotten to bring his nametag to the meeting with Syrian rebels and had had to improvise. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

According to news reports, this weekend Senator John McCain made a clandestine visit to Syria and met with representatives of Free Syrian Army, one of the rebel factions fighting the regime of Bashar Al-Assad.  This development had raised a few eyebrows, because normally Senator McCain spends his weekends on the Sunday talk shows.  Here are 10 possible reasons why John McCain visited Syria.

1)  McCain decided to travel to Syria in order to investigate the Benghazi consulate attack in the very place where it had happened.

2)  Since Assad is expected to be out of power soon, John McCain is testing the grounds for a presidential run there, before Mitt Romney beats him to it.

3)  Because Free Syrian Army is engaged in an armed rebellion against a tyrannical dictator, McCain met with rebel fighters to pick up their advice to use at home later.

4)  Old age senility had finally set in, and for the last few weeks McCain has been acting under the impression that he became the President after 2008 elections.

5)  After weeks of non-stop partisan fighting in the Senate, McCain wanted to get to get away someplace quiet.

6)  He came to tell the Islamic Syrian rebels that Republican Party understands their concerns and will remain steadfast in its opposition to Barack Obama’s agenda of instituting worldwide Sharia law.

7)  American Airlines’ frequent flyer program has been redesigned once again, and added the restriction that allows accumulated miles to be used only to buy flights to Syria.

8)  McCain wanted to provide encouragement to Syrian rebels fighting for the noblest of the causes – making Syrian government smaller.

9)  John McCain is sick of bloodshed in Syria, and he came to establish the framework for a peaceful solution by teaching the rebels how to peacefully paralyze Assad’s government by filibuster.

10)  McCain met with Al-Qaeda representatives to discuss their complaints that IRS keeps delaying approval on their tax-exempt status application.

Posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 35 Comments

10 Ways How Apple Dodged Taxes On Its Profits

Posted on May 22, 2013 by List of X
Image representing Apple as depicted in CrunchBase

Apple Corporation logo after the IRS had taken a bite. Image via CrunchBase

This week, United States Senate held hearings to investigate how Apple, Inc. managed to shelter tens of billions of dollars in profits from the IRS, and pay only a relatively small amount in US taxes.  (According to unconfirmed reports, the Senate hearing was sponsored by Google, Inc.)  Since most Senators who had participated in the inquiry did not actually consider Apple’s tax-avoidance schemes illegal, it appears that the real purpose of the inquiry was not to punish Apple, but to learn from them.  So, here are 10 ways how Apple managed to avoid billions of dollars in taxes.

1)  Apple claimed 50 million iPhone and iPad users as dependents.

2)  Each time after sending a tax return to the IRS, three days later Apple would promise to the IRS that they will release a better and newer version of their tax return in just a few months.

3)  Apple’s accountants used little-known trick: if you hold Apple’s tax return in a certain way, it looks like there are no taxes due.

4)  After claiming $100 billion in research and development costs to design the iPhone, the company claimed another $100 billion in R&D cost for designing the iPhone that would be black.

5)  Also, the company deducted $10 billion in R&D expenses that were spent on the research aimed to find the most effective ways to avoid taxes.

6)  According to the official explanation, when Steve Jobs died, he took the company’s pin code for the bank account with him to his grave.

7)  Apple Corporation deducted the Green Pigs’ structures destroyed in the iPhone’s Angry Birds games as a real estate property loss.

8)  Citing its allegiance to the cause of low taxes as proof , Apple pretended to be a Tea Party group to get a designation as a tax-exempt organization.

9)  Claimed adoption credits on 500,000 Chinese workers who assemble iPhones and iPads. (Also, once the workers became adopted, Apple no longer had to pay them an actual salary, and could get away with just giving them a weekly allowance instead).

10)  Finally, every time an Apple gadget user makes a swiping motion on their iPad or iPhone, 1 cent of Apple’s profits gets transferred into an offshore tax haven. Well, don’t act so shocked now: if you had read your iPhone’s contract before accepting it, you’d have known that you’d be the one to bear full responsibility for sending the money offshore.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy SIII

Posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , | 53 Comments

10 Reasons Why Republicans Keep Investigating The Benghazi Attack

Posted on May 15, 2013 by List of X
House Oversight and Government Reform Chairman Darrell Issa, who is heading the congressional investigation, is showing the official letter from the Publisher Clearing House sweepstakes as a proof that he may have already won his case.

House Oversight and Government Reform Chairman Darrell Issa, who is heading the congressional investigation against the administration, is demonstrating the official letter from the Publisher Clearing House sweepstakes as a proof that he may have already won.

Since September 11, 2012 attack on American consulate in Benghazi in which four Americans have died, the Republican party had made it their number one priority to investigate the attack in Libya and the suspected conspiracy cover-up by the Obama administration. Although, while preoccupied with Benghazi, the Republican still manage find the time to hold occasional votes to repeal Obamacare.  The investigation seemed to have found the second wind when several whistle-blowers from the State Department agreed to testify last week, but even these new witnesses haven’t added any new incriminating evidence against the Obama administration.  Essentially, their testimony sounded less like whistle-blowing and more like “pfffft”.  Still, the Benghazi investigation shows no signs of slowing down, and here are 10 reasons why it’s still going on.

1)  The Republicans hope that somewhere among the Benghazi e-mails, there is an e-mail from the president where Barack Obama is claiming to be an expert on Africa and attached his Kenyan birth certificate as proof.

2)  Since the investigators have found no actual evidence of a conspiracy, to them it looks as a clear sign of a successful cover-up.

3)  The ringleader of the investigation, Congressman Darrell Issa spent too much time in court as a defendant, and always dreamed of prosecuting somebody else.

4)  By trying to implicate Hillary Clinton and State department in the scandal, the Republicans are hoping to hurt Hillary Clinton’s chances in 2016 presidential election, and Chelsea Clinton’s chances in 2040.

5)  The Republicans are trying to ensure that this outrage* will never happen again. (* – Democratic presidency)

6)  The investigators have revealed locations of CIA bases during the investigation, so their real plan is to expose as many of covert overseas CIA’s facilities if possible, cripple CIA’s operations abroad, enable more terrorist acts against the Americans, and then blame it all on Obama.

7)  They are trying to prove that Republicans are merely looking for the truth, unlike those sleazy gun control advocates who would politicize the deaths of Americans for their own political gain.  And the Republicans won’t stop until they find the truth they like.

9)  Doing something else may end up creating jobs and help the Democrats.

10)  The Republican Party is attempting to prevent Barack Obama’s re-election in 2012. (Remember, the polls showing him as the winner of the election are still skewed and always will be).

Since the whole Benghazi affair is one giant cover up involving everyone in the Obama administration and anyone who ever voted for Democrats, I will do my part by covering up the reason number 8.

Posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 64 Comments

10 People Who Will No Longer Have Access To Nuclear Launch Codes

Posted on May 10, 2013 by List of X
According to unconfirmed reports, this may have been one of the officers stripped of the authority to launch nuclear missiles.

According to unconfirmed reports, this may have been one of the officers stripped of the authority to launch nuclear missiles.

Earlier this week, CNN reported that the United States Air Force made an extraordinary move of taking away the access to nuclear missile launch codes from 17 Air Force officers because of their poor performance and concerns that these launch codes may have been compromised.  The commander of the Air Force unit sent a harshly worded e-mail to his subordinates, criticizing them for their sloppiness in their work and for failing to protect the classified data, and in a highly ironic but rather predictable twist, that e-mail of course had been leaked to CNN.  (CNN didn’t post the full commander’s e-mail, but it probably reads a lot like that viral sorority girl e-mail, minus the profanity).  After such an embarrassment, the Air Force is taking the missile launch codes away from all the other people who shouldn’t have them.  So, here are 10 other people who will no longer have the nuclear launch codes in the future.

1)  Joe Biden:  Last year, he accidentally revealed the administration’s support for gay marriage, making Obama scramble to make it look like not an accident.  Imagine what Barack Obama would have to do if Joe Biden blurts out the nuclear launch code?

2)  George Bush, Jr.: The launch codes would be removed from George W. Bush’s Presidential library, where the ex-President had proudly displayed them as a proof that he really, really had them. Luckily, no one had actually visited Bush’s library and seen these codes, because Americans either dislike Bush, or never go to libraries.

3)  Harry Truman: Because of the additional scrutiny, Air Force audited their records and finally marked President Truman as deceased.

4)  Kim Jong Un:  He was identified as someone who shouldn’t even have access to a slingshot launch code.  However, it turned out that after his father Kim Chen Il’s death there was no one left in North Korea with the knowledge of their launch codes, and therefore all recent North Korean missile launches labeled as “tests” were purely accidental.

5)  Sara Palin:  She couldn’t remember the 4 digit launch code and had to write it on the palm of her hand.

6)  John Boehner:  Without the codes, he will no longer be able hold the entire world hostage when demanding more tax cuts for the rich, and would have to settle for holding hostage only the American economy.

7)  Justin Bieber:  Did you really think that 40 million people follow him on Twitter because they like his music?  Yeah, right.

8)  Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: No one knows how they got these codes, but it was only because of their threats of nuclear annihilation that they were able to collect so many children from multiple defenseless countries.

9)  Whoever had the genius idea to create an oh-so-easy-to-remember launch code “1111”.

10)  Whoops…. Me.

Posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 54 Comments

10 Axioms Of The Conservative Scientific Wisdom

Posted on May 2, 2013 by List of X
English: , member of the United States House o...

Congressman Lamar Smith, the author of the legislation, must have joined the Senate Science Committee under the impression that science is what he’ll be fighting there. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Several Republicans on the House Science Committee are planning to propose legislation that would require Congressional oversight of all scientific research sponsored by the National Science Foundation, which proves that there are federal regulations that Republicans can actually support.  This legislation, if passes, will put the Republican Party in the position to decide what is science and what isn’t, and it’s more or less common knowledge that many Republicans distrust the concepts and theories accepted by the consensus of scientific community.  But that’s not because Republicans don’t believe in science, it’s because many conservatives rely on a different, conservative science.  Here are 10 of the fundamental principles of the conservative science.

1)  Cosmology: “Universe was created in 6 days.”  True.  If God hadn’t been in such a rush to design, develop, and release the Universe by Sunday’s deadline, we as the end users wouldn’t have to deal with such a buggy and problem-ridden product.

2)  Climate: “There is no global warming”:  True, especially when it’s snowing outside.  And at all other times, get an AC!

3)  Natural Selection:  True: there is overwhelming evidence proving the theory of natural selection, of survival of the fittest and those adapting quickly to changing conditions, and annihilation of the weakest.   However, the concept is false outside of the free market.

4)  Solar Energy: “Solar energy is not a reliable power source”.  True: the Sun will explode in just a few billion years and therefore we can’t count on the solar energy to be there forever.

5)  Theory of Relativity:  True: everything is relative; any idea, such as tax increases or a health insurance mandate, is great or terrible only depending on which party proposes it.

6)  Arctic Ice:  “The ice is not melting”:  According to the oil companies which are the most reliable experts on the weather and ice levels, the ice is definitely not melting, but thanks to the constant expansion of the open water, they will soon be able to drill anywhere in the Arctic.

7)  Fossil Fuels:  “Coal is our future”.  True: in a few millions of years, our dead bodies will fossilize into coal and oil to be mined by the future Republican generations.

8)  Political science: “Government is the problem”.  True: just look at the House and Senate Republicans.

9)  Wind Power:  “Wind Power is unreliable and we cannot trust it”.  True:  Wind consists of oxygen and nitrogen molecules, which may have flown in from Mexico, Middle East, or China.  These molecules cross our border without any papers, don’t speak our language, don’t follow our customs, and steal the jobs of American oil and gas industry workers.

10)  Civics: “USA is a Christian country, because all our Founding Fathers were Christian”.  True, and since all the Founding Fathers were white and male, the entire country is supposed to be white and male too.  Whoever disagrees can go transvaginal-ultrasound themselves.

Posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 58 Comments