10 Hidden Fees The Airlines Will Have To Disclose

Posted on April 21, 2011 by List of X
Southwest Airlines

Image by kevindooley via Flickr

The Department of Transportation issued additional regulations for the airline industry that require the airlines to disclose many of of their hidden fees and show the full price on the ticket.  Here are 10 of the hidden fees the airlines will now have to disclose.

1)  Keeping your air traffic controller awake fee.

2)  Keeping your air traffic controller awake and while also keeping him from watching a movie premium service charge.

3)  Lavatory use fee.

4)  Smoking in the airplane lavatory fee.  Actually, that fee is usually posted in the airplane lavatories.

5)  Mile high club membership fee.   Not a member?  Well, it is your loss: why do you think you have pay the lavatory use fee?

6)  Duct-tape surcharge to prevent the top of airplane cabin from being ripped apart during the flight.

8)  Luggage fee for those traveling with luggage, carry-on fee for those traveling with only a carry-on, and a convenience screw-you-we-will-charge-you-anyway fee for those traveling without a luggage or carry-on.

9)  VIP Pat-Down fee for a private and much more pleasant pat-down experience.  A passenger must have plenty of dollar bills available for tipping.

10)  Hidden fees disclosure fee.  The customer must first pay this fee in full in order to see the fee #7.

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10 Fairy Tale Characters That Could Never Be a Republican Presidential Nominee

Posted on March 14, 2011 by List of X
Little Red Riding Hood, illustrated in a 1927 ...

Image via Wikipedia

For months, the media had been speculating on the question which prominent Republicans will announce their candidacy for the upcoming 2012 presidential elections, while every one of these prospective Republican candidates had kept their mouth shut on whether they actually plan to run or not.   This is perfectly understandable, since the Republican party is the party of the highest standards and it is so difficult to meet all of these standard to qualify for nomination that even the most beloved fictional characters could not meet them all.  So here are 10 of the fictional characters that could never become a Republican presidential nominee (besides Donald Trump).

1) Santa Claus: While he has consistent support from the sock and coal industry lobbies and has a unique ability to reach every potential voter in a single night, he is a personification of handouts, has no respect to privacy, and has a lackluster work ethic as he only works one day a year.

2) Robin Hood: Personally fought for smaller government by fighting and killing government forces, but an ardent proponent of wealth redistribution.

3) Little Mermaid:   Has a less than excellent financial record, as her dwelling was known to be underwater.

4) Shrek: A powerful candidate but tainted by an association with Democratic party: should have never never hang out with that donkey.  Also, way too green.

5) Aladdin: A Muslim???  Absolutely not!

6) Little Red Riding Hood:  Would be endorsed by seniors, has excellent relationship to the NRA and hunters associations, and can convincingly speak of family values.  However, the fact that she is wearing red cape and not an American flag pin clearly indicates that she is an America-hatin’ Communist.

7) Neytiri (of Avatar): Against the big business, supports the preservation of environment, had been seen having improper relationships with horses and other animals.  And most of all, she is not white, not male and not Christian.  Can it get any worse?

8) Bambi: Too young, too inexperienced, and a strong opponent of gun owners rights.

9) Jesus Christ: Has a comfortably high approval rating, but had supported regulation of the financial industry by driving the money changers from the temple.

10) Pinocchio: Due to his lie detector nose problem, he would be limited to arguing the party agenda only at the open air venues.

Please feel free to suggest your own flawed candidates.

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10 Reasons Why The Governor Of Florida Is Against Drug Monitoring Program

Posted on March 3, 2011 by List of X
Rick Scott Head Shot

Image by Governor Rick Scott via Flickr

Heard on NPR today that Florida has a huge problem with unregulated supply of prescription painkillers such as Oxycodone because the state does not have a working program to monitor these drugs.  Yet the state governor Rick Scott spoke out against a planned program, saying “I believe it’s an invasion of privacy and … it appears that the money’s been wasted.”  Here are 10 reasons why the governor is against the drug monitoring program:

1) He is on some of those pills.

2) Floridians should have the access to the painkillers because the recession is really hurting the state’s residents.

3) The drug dealers are not unionized and therefore are not even a tiny bit evil.

4) Rick Scott cannot support the program that the Democrats would support.

5) Because any kind of regulation is evil and Florida will be getting rid of its police force, environment protection and sanitation as well.

6) Drug dealers create jobs and attract visitors to the state.

7) He said: “I believe it’s an invasion of privacy and … it appears that the money’s been wasted.”  Meaning that the governor had taken the money and gave it as a tax cut to the individuals whose names he’d rather not disclose.

8) Allowing people to buy painkillers is cheaper and easier than providing health insurance.

9) The governor has a serious addition to campaign donations from pharmaceutical companies.

10) The people who take Oxycontin also vote in the gubernatorial elections.

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10 Reactions To The Fall Of National Christmas Tree

Posted on February 20, 2011 by List of X
The U.S. National Christmas Tree shines bright...

Image via Wikipedia

Yesterday, strong winds broke and fell a spruce tree in Washington near the White House.  The tree was decorated with lights every December and was known as the National Christmas Tree.  Here are 10 reactions to the fall of National Christmas Tree:

1) Michelle Obama: Barack, how many time I’ve told you to get rid of the Christmas tree?

2) Fox News: This is an inevitable outcome of the government takeover of Christmas trees.  Just look at Canada, you will see millions upon million of fallen trees there!

3) The Huffington Post: But surely you cannot take the blame away from the 8 years of Bush Administration’s failed policies of  environmental destruction.  Besides, most Canadian trees are happy in Canada and very few of these trees actually try to take root in the American soil.

4) The Tea Party: Just like Mubarak fell in Egypt, the tree fell because of the people’s protests!  Obama, you will fall next!

5) Hu Jintao, leader of People’s Republic of China:  These American-made Christmas trees are unreliable garbage.  Buy superior 100% natural and solar-powered Christmas trees from China!

6)  The Weather channel: The cold air front moving from northwest had mixed with the hot air coming out of the Capitol, thus creating dangerous windy conditions.

7) Atheists: By striking down the Christmas tree, God has given us an irrefutable proof that he does not exist and does not want us to celebrate Christmas!

8) Christians: But God did wait for Christmas to be over!  Besides, that poor tree will go to the tree heaven now… to the IKEA.

9) Greenpeace: The changing weather patterns and stronger winds show that now the planet is in danger not only from a global warming, but also from a global winding.

10) Republican Party: If the government does not give the richest 1% of Americans a tax cut, the trees will keep falling!  This is because the richest 1% of Americans create a trickle-down effect that provides the necessary water and nutrients to the trees!

Paramount Leader of the People’s Republic of China.
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10 Reactions To Mubarak’s Announcement That He Won’t Run Again

Posted on February 2, 2011 by List of X
Egypt.HosniMubarak.01

Image via Wikipedia

Today, Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak addressed the country amid unrest and promised that he would not seek another presidential term.  Here are 10 of the reactions to his announcement.

1) Gamal Mubarak, son of Hosni Mubarak: Thank you daddy!  I’ll start preparing my September inaugural speech.

2) Kim Jong Il, leader of North Korea: You still have elections?  Why?

3) Egyptian Intelligence Agency:  Maybe we should have told Mubarak that not all of those protests the photos and videos he’s been seeing were happening in Tunisia…

4) Sarah Palin:  Did someone mention elections?  Does anybody need a vice-presidential candidate?  Or an Al-Jazeera pundit?  How about a “Sara Palin’s Alexandria” special on The Lebanon Channel?

5) Omar Suleiman, newly appointed Egyptian Vice President:  Mr. Mubarak can not possibly leave the office before September because we have not completed the construction of his pyramid before he goes, as it is the Egyptian custom.

6) King Abdullah Bin Abdul-Aziz of Saudi Arabia: A very wise decision, since a formal declaration of  monarchy would make all those humiliating and embarrassing rituals named elections completely unnecessary.

7) Egyptian protesters:  Down with Mubarak! Down with Mubarak!  Mubarak should resign immediately and not run in the elections!  Otherwise we would overwhelmingly vote for him, as it is the Egyptian custom.

8) The Tea Party: Here in the U.S. of A. we are mad as hell about economy, deficit, and unemployment due to outsourcing of our jobs to China!  We also want a revolution, like Egypt!

9) David and Charles Koch, Tea Party sponsors:  Yes!  And we could probably outsource the revolution to Egypt…

10) Egyptian Election Committee:  This decision was a total shock to us, since we have already prepared a press-release naming Hosni Mubarak a winner of September 2011 presidential elections with 85.7% of the vote.

And finally, back to Hosni Mubarak:  I have told you, I will not run in September!  Why are you still not pleased!?  Why!?  Fine, if it makes you happy, I WILL run in September!

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10 Reasons Why Homeland Security Replaced the Color-Coded Terror Alerts System

Posted on January 27, 2011 by List of X
Homeland Security Advisory System scale.

Image via Wikipedia

After 9 years of working hard to instill fear into the hearts of Americans using the color-coded terror threat system with the colors going from green to red, the Department of Homeland Security will change to a different, more specific alert system.  Here are 10 reasons why the Department of Homeland Security is changing the alert system.

1) The airline passengers are more afraid of security screenings than of terrorists anyway.

2) The system was confusing to some people, who believed that the red means communism.

3) DHS had been issuing only Orange-level alerts since 2006 and ran out of orange paint.

4) The system was called racist because it identified some colors as more scary than the others.

5) The George W Bush Presidential Library felt they need to add at least a third item to their exposition (in addition to G.W.Bush’s memoir and a 2000 Florida ballot) , with a future plans to develop a threat level coloring book for the gift shop.

6) The system discriminated against the color-blind people, who were not able to determine how much fear they should feel.

7) With the budget cuts looming on the horizon, the Department of Homeland Security had to show the country just how hard they are working.

8) The alert system did not work as intended because some people did not scare easily, while others, such as the Tea Party, were constantly on red-level alert.

9) The Weather Channel bought the rights to the DHS alert system so that they could warn of a threat of an imminent orange-level snowstorm with patches of red level snow.

10) Finally, a change we can believe in.

The worst that would happen to you would be while you go through security

Price spike on orange and red paint

System is racist because one color is treated more dangerous than the other

Colorblind people could not figure out if it's safe to fly

Since the system is on orange since 2006, they decided to implify to just 1 color

How much to be scared Tea party at red level
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10 Ways How China Had Overreacted To Liu Xiaobo’s Peace Prize

Posted on December 10, 2010 by List of X
Liu Xiaobo's empty chair at the Nobel Peace Pr...

Image by radiowood2000 via Flickr

Recently, Nobel Prize Committee had awarded the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize to a Chinese dissident Liu Xiaobo, who is serving an 11-year prison sentence for “inciting subversion of state power,” and to say that Chinese government was not pleased with the choice of the winner would be a major understatement.  Here are 10 ways how China reacted (and overreacted) to the Liu Xiaobo’s Nobel Peace Prize.

1)  The Chinese government had put the Liu Xiaobo’s wife under house arrest, jailed his lawyer, blamed West for a conspiracy, urged Chinese residents of Norway to protest the Nobel Prize ceremony, all that just to advertise the fact that a Chinese citizen finally won a Nobel peace prize.

2) Chinese Communist party had insisted that arresting someone the government does not like does not constitute a human rights violation.  When your country does it, it is protection of national security interests, and it is only a human right violation if some other country does it.

3) China had convinced 19 other countries not to attend the Nobel Prize ceremony.  However, two of these 19 countries, Ukraine and the Philippines have reconsidered and attended the ceremony.  Ukraine attended because they had heard the food at the reception is really good, and Philippines attended to help clean up after the ceremony.

4) Chinese government did not allow anyone else to receive the Nobel prize for the winner, because it had calculated that having an empty chair prominently displayed at the Nobel Prize ceremony would be beneficial for Chinese furniture industry.

5) In absence of the real Nobel Prize winner, the Nobel prize was symbolically given to an empty chair.  In response, thousands of Chinese Twitter users changed their profiles pictures to a picture of an empty chair.  And in response to that, Chinese government officials changed their profile pictures to a picture of an empty electric chair.

6) In retaliation, China had created and awarded its own Confucius Peace prize to Lien Chan, former vice president of Taiwan.  The prize winner’s spokesman had told the media that they had never heard about this prize, to which Chinese officials replied that the Confucius Peace prize is as much about peace as it is about learning.

7) Because the Confucius Peace Prize winner never showed up either, and it would have been silly to give both prizes to the empty chairs, the prize committee had given the prize to a 6-year old girl because “children symbolize peace and future”.  However, so that the she would be eligible to receive the prize and able to symbolize peace and future, the officials had to make some minor adjustments to the girl’s birth certificate.

8) Complained that this Nobel prize winner had made no actual contribution to the world peace to deserve to receive the Nobel Peace Prize.  Although, when did it ever stop the Nobel prize committee from awarding the Peace Prize?

9) Blocked the access to the rest of this post.

10) …. //// …. Connection Interrupted: The connection to the server was reset while the page was loading …. //// ….

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10 Reasons Why Russia And Qatar Will Host the World Cups in 2018 and 2022

Posted on December 2, 2010 by List of X
Fifa World cup

Today, FIFA has made a decision that 2018 Soccer World Cup will be held in Russia, while Qatar will host the 2022 World Cup.  Here are 10 reasons why Russia and Qatar were selected.

Why Russia:

1) This will give Russia a chance to make up for the 2014 Winter Olympics.  And yes, Russia will need to make up for 2014 Olympics.

2) Russia had mentioned in its World Cup application that it has some nuclear weapons that are getting close to the expiration date.

3) Vladimir Putin was tired of Judo, horse riding and hunting and wanted to try a different sport.

4) When selecting a host country for the World Cup and planning an event so many years in the future, FIFA preferred the country which will still be ruled by the same person 8 years later.

5) FIFA wanted to show that there are places with more corruption than FIFA.

Why Qatar:

1) FIFA had decided that getting more money was much more important than trying to point out that that there are places with more corruption than FIFA.

2) After World Cup in Russia, Qatar would be the perfect place to warm up and get sober.

3) FIFA wanted to allow the world learn about Qatar, and allow Qatar to learn about soccer.

4) FIFA had decided that stonings and beheadings would be more effective than yellow and red cards against fouls.

5) Because alcohol, drugs, tobacco and prostitution are banned in Qatar, the players would actually be able to concentrate on playing soccer.

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10 Reactions to the Latest Release by Wikileaks

Posted on November 29, 2010 by List of X
Julian Assange (WikiLeaks)@HITBSecConf2009 KL

Today, Wikileaks released over 250000 classified US State Department documents.  This action has prompted a wide range of different reactions, from some praising the founder of the Wikileaks as a hero, while others have called for him to be hanged by a firing squad.  So here are 10 of the reactions to the release of the documents by Wikileaks:

1) Hillary Clinton, US Secretary of State: The release of a quarter million of diplomatic cables represents a major blow to the credibility of our administration.  If an American citizen had committed such a act, he would have been immediately arrested and executed for treason.  However, Julian Assange is not an American citizen, and therefore unfortunately not subject to our law.   I hope he realizes that he had endangered the lives of many people.  Specifically, those people who had leaked and posted these documents!

2) Colin Powell, former US Secretary of State: Hillary, I warned you that this Life Lock identity theft protection is a scam!

3) John Boehner, Republican party leader: The release of a quarter million of diplomatic cables represents a major blow to the credibility of Obama administration.  Thank you, Julian!

4) Osama bin Laden: Jonh, +1

5) Robert Gibbs, White House spokesman: The release of the classified government document is a major setback to our efforts to keep the government more open, accountable and transparent.

6) King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia: United states must cut off the head of the snake!  We, of course, speak of that Assange infidel.  And better yet, US must cut off his head, and cut off his snake!

7) David Petraeus, commander of US forces in Afghanistan: The release of these documents will endanger lives of American soldiers.  Speaking of American soldiers, we want to send 20,000 additional troops to Afghanistan.

8) Brian Cowan, Prime Minister of Ireland: As a part of Ireland cost-cutting measures, we will permanently close the Ireland’s intelligence agency G-2, replacing it with a premium subscription to Wikileaks.

9) Karin Rosander, spokeswoman for the Swedish Prosecution Authority: We are releasing another Interpol arrest order for Mr. Assange who is now being investigated for attempted aggravated jaywalking.  He is also wanted on a suspicion of pre-meditated throwing of a cigarette butt on the street.  Any police agency attempting to apprehend Mr. Assange is authorized, and encouraged, to use lethal force during his arrest.  This is in no way related to the release of these documents or the classified diplomatic request from the US State Department to our office that is a part of the documents Mr. Assange intends to release next week.

10) Joe Biden, Vice President: The release by Julian Assange of thousands of documents that expose the not always clean underworkings of US diplomacy, is a brave and honest action, an action in the very spirit of our nations Founding Fathers, and a deed befitting a true American hero from the Home of the Brave and Land of the Free.  It is therefore my honor to offer Mr. Julian an American citizenship, and it is my sincere hope that Mr. Assange accepts our offer and becomes a citizen of United States of America… so that we can arrest him and execute him for treason!… Wait, did I just say that last part out loud?

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10 Reasons Why Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner Were Re-elected To Lead Their Parties

Posted on November 27, 2010 by List of X
John Boehner, Nancy Pelosi, George Walker Bush.

Image via Wikipedia

A few days ago, both Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner have been re-elected by their respective parties to lead their respective parts of House of Representatives.  Except now Pelosi is the minority leader and Boehner leads the majority.  Here are 10 reasons why both were re-elected.

Nancy Pelosi:

1) No one else wanted to take a position of a Republican’s scapegoat.

2) Unlike Christine O’Donnell, she did not just dabble in witchcraft, but was far more serious about it.

3) She had threatened to endorse and campaign for those representatives who voted against her.

4) She was endorsed by Democratic National Committee as “grandma grizzly”.

5) Democrats wanted to show that they are against the business as usual.  But just as the election, it did not quite work out.

John Boehner:

1) This is how the Party of No reacted to the idea of finding a competent leader.

2) Junior Republican representative were very excited to let Boehner run things and make decisions for them, and only later have learned that it is actually pronounced as “Beh-ner”.

3) Other candidates were deemed too likely to accomplish something positive or useful.

4) Voting for Boehner unanimously, the Republican party wanted to show what they think of democracy.

5) Republicans did not want to make him cry.

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